Will I get my kids back?

[PaulaAlquist]

Going to a child custody hearing tomorrow with my ex partner.

He has the kids!

Since he has been allowed to keep them through a court order I can't take them back untill I can prove he is unfit?

Only 2 days after a emergency court hearing when I got my contact he sent me messages saying to expect worse case scenario when I return with the kids as he may be found. Been not well for a little while now.

I called an ambulance. That didn't go down to well as he was very abusive afterwards.

Seen on Facebook he then went out drinking with friends.

5 days after he called and said little one was choking on a toy and he took it out it mouth and threw it at the TV. He can't cope he said you can do a better job than me.

He offers to let me take kids every weekend and lots during the week to help him

6th day.. he calls me and asks me to get him cannabis I refuse and he says the kids (5,2,1) ask who's going to take your space in the bed. I say have whoever and he screams like a lunatic saying it's my fault.

He refuses to give me the kids

The oldest kid tells me he has been refused calls to me. I don't give him enough money for his breakfast club. He doesn't want to go to soft play incase I show up and argue with him.

My oldest had a ear infection the last day I had him before I returned them because of a false initial writ submitted by my ex to the courts.

He text me that night saying I neglected him and it was a burst ear drum. I asked who gave him the second opinion and he said Google.

Always abusive. Always Infront of kids.

Oldest smashed a light bulb swinging a brush about. 2 times. Living room and bedroom.

He called me to say he was almost lifted again as he was very abusive to someone on a bus journey home with the kids.

He called and talked about a Robert Burns poem and says its wrong and that my granny can't be shoved from the bus as she is dead. 1 year old screams 5 times during the call it's very distressing clearly for my 1 year old.

he called to say that the kids really miss me and it's unhealthy for them to not see me more and I will give you them every weekend again.

He called 2 days later and was very abusive towards me and said it's not in his best interests to let me have them since you want residence. I plead with him and he says no.

Calls 2 days later to say he feels dizzy from a ear infection and is waiting on NHS24 calling as he may need to go into hospital.

My oldest boy was bullied in the area we stayed. He is on the vurnable persons register. He was advised to take him to a pediatrician but didn't want him branded with ADHD.

I got him referred as school agreed just before I handed him them back.

Considering I have a lot more I could tell you about him like cutting his arms when he had the kids and banging his head off walls... What is the chances of a sheriff or judge thinking the kids should remain with him?

Are you being represented in court?
Have you got any evidence to take with you? Can you write down clearly all that you've said in your post? I'm afraid it dies read very jumbled and difficult to follow. But some bullet points or concise notes of each incident might help to get the full situation across.

Why did he get them in the first place? He sounds awful

Do you have voicemails, emails, text messages?

Can you ask a friend of family member to sit down and help you write this all out in a very clear, concise and factual way so that it sounds objective and is easier to follow?

He is awfull.

I have every message sent from him. Every recording from 21st of December was recorded but narrowed it down to 37 calls. 30 from him and 7 from myself after the first outburst with the broken TV and the screaming.

I have wrote it all down with dates and times and gave it to my lawyer.

My lawyer who was dealing with it all will be off and it will be another lawyer. One of the senior ones who will be representing myself. She asked for me to send all my notes over yesterday and I'm up fighting for 3 young boys tomorrow.

Sorry if I didn't explain each situation clearly as I have too much to say so it was done quickly as it's that urgent for someone to tell me I'm not crazy and he is.

Cortisol - my youngest has been screaming erratic since end of November for dad. At first wee thought it was for the oldest boy as there names are similar but as IV spent as much time possible with him since I noticed, encouraging him with different words he is improving. And lots of free time to explore with someone who will explain the world around him.

He refused to acknowledge the screaming and said it doesn't happen at home. My oldest says it's too noisy because of youngest.

On one recording you can hear a broken child scream for him 5 times and he doesn't even acknowledge it. If I say anything to him he goes crazy and says he is fine.

This is child neglect and is detrimental to his upbringing as it affects his mental health. It's proven that cortisol is toxic and baby's produce more... That's why you never break a child and he has managed it and no one is listening to me.

I'm the crazy one! I'm the one that was arrested for domestic abuse and then released without charge because they knew it was false and agreed with me to the point of asking me two times if I want to press charges and I said no.

He even said on the same day as the TV incident that his lawyer told him to make the domestic abuse report as it will help get kids back quicker and that if you keep the arrangement to alternative weekends it will make you look like a good dad.

Do you think his lawyer would be happy to know he made all the calls above?

I worked he didn't. I had to move out and the kids should remain in the family home. I had no choice it was his house so I left.

I tried so hard to get a house for my kids but they put me in a shelter for 1 week and then a temporary flat at £800 a month. It was to expensive as my wages had deductions so I moved in with parents on a Tuesday and by Wednesday I kept the kids because he begged and begged for maintenance money all day and I agreed.

When I picked up the kids my oldest had no cloths for the next day.. he was handed over in pajamas at 3pm. 2 year old had 5 year old trousers on and they had the wrong nappies for there size. No baby milk either for 1 year old.

I refused to return them.

OP, what happened at the hearing?

Have Cafcass made a report? Or have social workers been involved?

Hope it went well today. Sounds horrible.

OP I'm glad to hear youre represented and that you have kept his communication to you as proof of his (erratic to say the least) behaviour. Wishing you the best outcome for you and your children

It didn't go well. Wasn't even allowed to tell them anything and my lawyer didn't even tell them any of my concerns. It's Scotland we live in so they have asked for a bar report to be done.

The lawyer that come out to represent me said it's nothing major enough for a judge to grant residence and when I said I have all this documented and started to explain I was told to stop talking and she told me what was going to happen.

They didn't even give me them every weekend like our original agreement because it meant changing an order and that's silly as it residence so we will go to proof stage.

I went to pick up the boys at 3 pm. He didn't see me coming to the door and was smoking the end of his joint, I could smell it going to the door. He nipped it out and threw it away when he seen me walked in and closed the door. I chapped and he took 5 mins to answer. The smell of febreeze blew out lol kids were not ready and had to wait 15 mins at the door while he got them ready as I'm too scared to go in as he is unpredictable.

A bar report is a report on the welfare of a child, yes? A Scottish thing?

That could be good news. The judge has accepted they cannot make a decision then and there in the court, and more info is needed.

You will (or would, if in England) get a chance to discuss the whole thing for the report - in England, you'd be phoned, your ex would be phoned, and home visits made and because your son is 15, he will be interviewed about his preferences and well being. I have no idea if this would be the same in Scotland, but it does look like the whole thing is being looked at.

Hope it works out. The info you have gathered is useful and you can add the stuff that's just happened, too.

In all honesty I'm the guy..

I wanted to see how my story would be perceived if I wrote it as the female as I have wrote about it previously and no one cares.

Its terrible that a father's rights are put under the scope and told prove she is unfit!

My children just as much as her children are human beings that deserve the right to be protected from threats either physical or mental.

It discrimination!

No accusations have been made against the father but a very substantial amount against the mother..

Lets leave the kids with the mother!

Yesterday I had to go into a shop for milk which I can see my car from. I said will be 2 seconds boys and my oldest said don't leave us. I told him the car will be locked and I can see you from the window.

My oldest says he has to watch the two youngest while mum goes to the shop.

I didn't believe him but he says she always does it.

No wonder guys give up and move on.

Not this one, I will continue for my wee boys to have a safe and loving environment.

Bit pointless asking for advice when your not being honest But I get that it's more important to prove a point than actually get some advice that might Help you?!

The advice is still very much appreciated by all means!

I'm not trying to prove any points at all. I'm not going to receive any help from posting online either.

IV been made to feel like I'm crazy for so long and I really believe that given there is not one concern said about me and all the concerns I have made authorities aware of even social work they say the kids should live with there mum untill the courts decide.

The system is biased and favour the mother... Prove me wrong when I'm living it!

I think you need to get a new lawyer
Sounds very unprofessional and as though they did not listen to your concerns at all
Did you have cafcass there?

I think so too, when her lawyer said we had no agreement my lawyer should have said she has offered two times for him to take kids because she can't cope and then refused because he didn't help her get drugs and refused because she received his defense letter.

I have recordings of her offering both times and the reasons for her refusing.

I'm in Scotland so it's a bar report that will be done.

Genuinely don't have any hope anymore and only continuing it now because my kids are too young to realise it's not right. I'm drained and exhausted and been running on adrenaline since October.. the crash will come! If it works out in the end I will be a stronger man from it and contonue.. if it doesnt.. well who knows!!

I feel so sorry for you and your children. I really do. Have you got family and/or friends that can give you support ?

I have parents, 3 sister's. 8 nephews and 2 niece's! Plenty of family support. My parents have been witness to slot of the calls.

I had 15 phone calls in 4 days with only one of them for m oldest to speak with me. The rest paint a very clear picture of her mental state.

Very much discrimination considering she raised no concerns about me yet lets leave the kids with mum.