Advice regarding ex's access to DD

[RubaDubMum89]

Good evening!

So, I know very little about the law surrounding access rights to your children and I'm just after a little advice as to if this is correct or not...

I've recently split with my ex, it's been in the pipeline for many many months (financial and emotional abuse, excessive drinking, coercive control).

I have, out of respect for my DDs (2yo) love and adoration for her father agreed to practically 50/50 custody. I'm to have her Monday morning - Friday afternoon and he from Friday afternoon to Monday morning.

Following a conversation with him this evening about the details of Friday (first access visit after the move and a two week settling in period for DD) been told by him that he has sought legal advice and I am not allowed to deny him access to DD. As in (this is the example he gave) if he rings me on a weekday and says he wants to come over and see DD or bring her something, I am not allowed to say no.

Is this correct?! I've this horrible feeling that if it is, he's going to be in my life far, far more than I imagined when I left him.

Obviously, unless there was a good reason, I wouldn't deny him his agreed (between us) visitation time, but I can't help but feel that this 'new set of rules' is stupidly excessive?

Please, someone tell me he's either had bad advice or is talking absolute crap?

He's talking crap. Set boundaries now. And I would strongly advise changing the pattern, when she's at school you'll have all the tough week days and he'll have fun weekends.

And he can take her out riding unicorns all day...
He is in fairy land op.
You are entitled to enjoy your time with dd ex free.

Seek legal advice op. How will your plan work when she starts nursery/ school?
Dr appointments etc??
Mediation and a proper schedule would help..

I strongly advise you not to agree to anything without a legal plan and certainly not every weekend.

I suggest every Weds and every other weekend and no contact outside of that between the two of you

Then get some legal advice to draw it up

Yeah he's talking crap. And it may be a 4 night 3 night split but before long she'll be at nursery and then school and you'll get all the early starts, childcare costs and homework stress, plus precious little quality time, and he'll get all the fun and days out and will be able to work without consideration.

Oh thank god for that. I had a real panic then, I had mental images of him been on the phone everyday "I'm coming to see her".

I've already made clear to him that once she starts school we will change to every other weekend, as it stands he's agreed to that. If, in the future he doesn't, then I'll cross that bridge when it comes to it. Right now I'm just happy to be free of him and starting my life fresh.

Thanks so much for the reassurances, I can breath again now!

Definately change the pattern. Make it so you have a weekend day each. Also think thatvwhen she’s at school she’s likely to be invited to parties or want to go to dance or sport clubs. Is he going to hecthe kind of dad who will accommodate that or will he make her miss out because it’s “his” time.

I’d do Sun - Wed with him & Thurs - Sat with you.

If you set up a pattern of contact that includes ex having DD every weekend, it will be harder for you to change it later. Are you scared of him? Have you got legal representation from someone who understands abuse?