Ex is threatening to fold business

[giantnannyknickers]

Hi there I need some advice, I'm self representing in a family settlement matter. My ex and I ran a business together; he is director, we are both 50% share holders. He purchased two properties in Ireland using a 'loan' from the business and my share of the profits.

We are currently in the process of getting the business valued so we can sort out a financial settlement.

Today I got an email stating "We are getting the valuation done for nothing because as I told you I’m not going to buy you out"

I don't know what my options are, I'm scared he will fold the business and our employees will lose their jobs. I'm scared I won't get any financial settlement. He submitted substandard documents for the valuer. He has tampered with the layout of the website so that it's not as easy to navigate. He has not declared any cash sales which I knew would be the case anyways.

His girlfriend has also started referring to it as "our" business so I'm scared she will seek a legal claim in it too. Although they haven't been going out two years yet.

Just wondering if anyone else has had the same experience? And how they managed it. I'm
Not sleeping at night and I'm very stressed.

It sounds really difficult. If there is no hope of delaying the trial date and you cannot get valuation reports in time may be you could submit everything else by 19th and have the valuation report follow as soon as possible after making it clear it is late as your husband did not send documents to the valuers by XYZ date. You could probably prepare your statement but leaving the valuation blank I suppose but it's not ideal. Sometimes lawyer will agree with the other side an extra week or two to do thing but I am not sure when the trial date is. |if it is 2 weeks after 19th that does not leave much time for both sides to prepare if things arrive later than 19th. If this trial and the vaulation are going to cost more in fees than the sum in dispute between the two sides it might be worth both compromising a bit more just to be done with it.

@Xenia we can't delay it any further as he cancelled the first trial hearing in December

Business value is back at only 67k valuers believe business would not run without ex (despite it running quiet well when he took 9 weeks holidays)

i feel for you @giantnannyknickers - i had this - x got a friend of a friend to value business - it came back my share worth £25k - when eventually valued it was £250k - still got nothing for it - i see you are at court on 19th - i take this as a good sign as my x birthday - i hope and pray that you come out of this ok with a decent judge

right now im in so much despair i think im going to have to do a runner

@greenberet I've got your back girl! Honestly it's a tough slog but imagine the feeling once you're out the other side?

We can only try out best! Be kind to yourself. Do you have family support? Friends who can help you manage the stress? Divorce group?

If you think the business is worth more than 67k then may be you could take the business as part of your share, plus one of the properties and then just prove to them all it is worth a huge lot more than £67k! That might take the wind out of their sails (if you are sure it is worth more than £67k).

@Xenia I hadn't thought of that! Our main employee is interested in buying us out and I would have no issues running it part time with him. He's got a good business head. Unlike my ex, who's lawyers sent a letter today stating all industrial tools are broken and or no value. Eh ok mate in that case shouldn't we call health and safety? The value he is getting doesn't even cover his tax debt. He can't leave the country until his tax debt is cleared. So I don't know what his game is.

It might be possible and resolve the stalemate but it is risky as he might steal the customers and do the business right down before he hands it over so not surprisingly mostly lawyers would pfer their clients to get cashin the bank or a property ( or a share of a pension) which is usually a much more certain sum.

@giantnannyknickers - I’m out the other side final hearing 2 years ago this March - spent 18 months battling with CMS to get minimum payment from the f&&ker - he was taking it to court tribunal - been battling with Legal Ombudsman too who I cannot believe the way they twist and and turn evidence t come up with “ it seems sensible to me” dodgy barrister who has produced fake client care letter and chambers covering up - solicitors who shafted me and refusing to acknowledge emails re account which I believe is overpaid. Dodgy surveyor involved in losing me my family home. Sounds too much to be true doesn’t it [* redacted by MNHQ] ! I’m buying a house 200 miles away from kids as cannot afford anything other than a one bed flat where I am or a grotty house if move out c100 miles. F&&ker of x who won’t pay Ds school fees but happy to turn up at parents evening.
At the moment thinking of doing a runner in next couple of weeks when house goes through as I have had enough - I’m trying to keep everything ok for everyone else - right now I feel like naming all and sundry involved with my case. Nobody listens - you ask for help follow procedures and still get shafted - they just all close rank - I’m asking myself how do I get people to take notice - I’ve spent four years of my life battling this shite and what for - this must be going on left right and centre and because nobody speaks up it just continues - it’s like banging you head against a wall - right now my head is battered and bruised and covered in blood - nobody should have to go through this - I paid out £70k in legal fees to end up where I am - my only downfall I can see is I suffer with depression - I’m not stupid but I get overwhelmed - run out of capacity to function and this is when the vultures swoop in- when I’m at my most vulnerable - I didn’t realise depression counts as a disability but as I’m receiving Pip it does - but yet I still got taken advantage of - even head feeling suicidal and running out of court described as attention seeking - fuck me is all I can say - I need help but can I get it - I’m sure if I was no longer here there would be plenty of people saying where was the help!

That’s why I say I hope you get a good judge - you sound like your head is pretty together - good luck x

@greenberet that broke my heart to read. Please don't take those tablets. That will only mean your x wins.

Do you have a doctor near by that you could chat to? A close friend or family member?

My head is only together as I've been on anti anxiety meds through out my pregnancy and birth. Still on them now. And I'm seeing a really good psychologist who understands financial abuse.

Could you book a nice holiday for yourself and have a nice sun break?

IM sorry for my post yesterday morning I was feeling very low - nannyknickers my GP is the only one that listens that gives me support - my DB has got struggles of his own and my DF thinks I should just give this up

I’m desperate for a holiday but right now I cant justify the expense - I’ve said I’m going to run out of money and I’m pretty much there. I need a house with 3 beds in case it all goes tits up for the kids I can’t afford that here - they don’t want to live in wales but if all else fails it’s far enough away from here to give them a fresh start too

I’m going to be back having to rely on the kids savings just as I was as the start of all this. This is the only way I can afford the rent - although it’s going through my mind to just stop paying this - x controlled all the finances just as he has done now. I tried to get through to the police last week but gave up as waiting time was 25 mins. Everyone has stitched me up - all the professional that I went to for help and when you start asking questions that would give you the answers you need to prove this they start hiding behind professional bullshit and accuse you of making false assumptions. The only reason they are currently “assumptions” is that they won’t answer the bloody questions that would confirm they are facts. I’ve had more truth from people with very little money

It’s half term this week I’ve got a weeks breather before I need to decide whether I go and speak to Ds school - tell them I can’t afford his last terms fees, tell them I’m moving away and kids DF won’t communicate re their living arrangements - the head previously said he would refer us to social services if we didn’t sort ourselves out - I’ve tried but what can you do when you just continually come up against a brick wall.

I’m not the only parent but it bloody well feels like it most of the time!

@greenberet don't apologise to me at all! You feel the way you feel and that's justified. I'm just worried that all this has pushed you this far.

Do you have child support agreement in place? If not could you talk to CMS? Re school can you call a meeting and could you ask to go on a payment plan 50/50 with ex? Explain the circumstances?

Is renting an option rather than buying? Also if you can't afford a holiday maybe a long wknd?

green, is there any way you can earn that last term's school fees if that is one of the main issues? I cannot remember your circumstances so that may not be possible. The school might even have work you could do to pay for that last term.

I haven’t worked for 20 years - my MH is currently not great - Infact it’s pretty much were it was when I first got diagnosed with PTSD 20 years ago through bullying at work. I need to buy that way I’ve always got a roof over my head and somewhere for kids - they are only 17 - 18 this year - CMS yes but x has played the system - I’ve been asking x to contribute to sf - he ignores me - he played the school too during divorce process - this has all been because I got breast cancer and had payout - which he felt was his as he paid the premiums - such a nasty spiteful person.

I’m trying to hold off rocking the boat - I don’t want to speak to school as worried about impact on Ds Again - yet it is impacting on him anyway

Xenia you work in law - I’ve got 3 people lying to me in a Chambers one a barrister claiming they sent me a client care letter which they cannot prove - I’ve got a firm of solicitors who won’t provide information on my account that would confirm I’ve overpaid - I’ve tried LO just so time consuming and get nowhere - all keep saying I have to go back through legal system which I have very little faith in - I am shocked by the levels of dishonesty among people who are by default of their profession supposed to be trustworthy

I’m thankful that you still are trying to help me by coming up with suggestions

Where do you live? I work for a pro bono legal advice team we run free advice clinics pm me if you can’t get to east mids I could try to organise a Skype or telephone appointment

There are very low levels of dishonesty of people in law compared to other careers as we lose a life time's career and can get struck off and lawyers are struck off - it is not something that never happens by any means. I am sorry you feel you have had all these problems with your lawyers. Hopefully DP's pro bono team might be able to help.

In the last 10 years I have never instructed a barrister without them sending their terms to me usually by post and the clerks are normally pretty efficient at making sure those letters are sent out not least because they set out very important details. I hope you can get it all sorted out and your health gets better enough to work again.

May be start with some typing work from home at a keyboard as it sounds as if you are able to type.

Xenia I don’t believe I am dealing with low level dishonesty -

the barrister claims a Ccl was emailed to me and copied into a clerk 4 working days before my final hearing. This has been confirmed to LO. I never received this - LO did not ask for a copy. Their conclusion of my case is it’s “unfortunate” I did not receive this. 2 working days before hearing I’m told by clerk Ccl will be sent to me shortly at 4.27pm Friday. He did not have copy of Ccl emailed to him either as otherwise presumably will have sent me a copy.

Saturday lunchtime I get an email from barrister saying as I have not paid she will not be in court on Tuesday/wednesday - I have no choice but to go alone and I get shafted.

Clerk has since provided me with a “copy” of the Ccl - but no email proof that it was sent to me and he had copy.

Senior clerk is supporting this. I’m trying to get head chambers email - they keep fobbing me off. I am appalled at this level of dishonesty in a high profile chambers!

@greenberet ok so we know what your problem was, but I guess the most important thing is how do we go about getting you a solution?

Also re ptsd have you been getting ongoing treatment for this?
You've mentioned the ages of the kids, will they be starting college/uni/careers soon? They're at an age now where they will be moving out and on with their lives maybe relocating to wales wouldn't be such a bad thing for you. It would give you a fresh start and the kids could come visit at weekends?

I meant low levels (with an s) of dishonesty in the profession as a whole (my typos sorry) (because we gbet struck off and lose our life's work for it - it is one reason I will not even accept people who want me to witness documents as the risks of losing a career because I didn't check a passport corretly are not worth the fee for that task - it is a constant concern for professionals to follow a massive rule book day in day out which changes all the time). I was not commenting on your own particular case.

@giantnannyknickers - I read on here somewhere about a women saying she had an issue with her DH because she felt he was trying to manage everyone’s emotions and as a result it was causing problems.

When I read that I asked myself is this me - do I try and manage everyone’s emotions and I think I probably do. I try and prevent situations occurring which will have a detrimental effect on people but the cost to myself well it’s probably my MH

I’ve had treatment on and off for MH for years - currently awaiting more counselling. My concern about going to Wales now is how it will impact on kids and will it effect their a levels.

The6 can live with their DF he has a perfectly suitable home that he rents just for his contact with them - eow & supposed to be every Tuesday but he just isn’t here for one Tuesday.

The thing is he is a c&&t - he won’t communicate with me about this he hasn’t talked to the kids about this despite me sending him emails for the last 6 months or so telling him I cannot continue as is. So I’m left having to consider just up and going and kids being virtually left on his doorstep. I know they are at an age when they will be off doing their own thing pretty soon - they are both making plans for this - but a levels is going to be hugely stressful for them and x’s Manner doesn’t make it easy for anyone. He is a controlling, manipulative c&&t who dismisses his Ds MH as a schoolboy prank and his Dd’s Refusal to meet OW as “not normal” and well how he has been out to destroy me is all documented on MN.

So this is where I am - kids haven’t got the ability to stand up to him yet probably from fear of what his repercussions will be - - he can cut people out his life just like that - long standing communication problems with his own family.

But short of a miracle I haven’t got the financial means to continue. I could make some hard choices but right now I’m running on empty - I’ve had enough of hard choices - i need some easy choices - choices that repair me and put my MH back where it needs to be. I can’t protect everyone indefinitely - the situation is not how I want it to be but it’s not my doing alone or my responsibility alone.

Xenia - I get that you are a professional with integrity - I don’t get how some are prepared to risk it all - but that’s clearly what I am dealing with - maybe they think they are untouchable - maybe they think it will never happen to me but from my experience it’s the things you think that will never happen to me that come back and bite you on the arse when you least expect it - I never thought I’d get breast cancer, I never thought I would be divorced I certainly never thought I’d need back surgery - so I’ve been caught out on 3 accounts - maybe it’s their time now.

I’m sorry for the use of the c word - this is the only word that can express my x- reserved solely for his use!

@greenberet I haven't forgotten ya! I've mediation/conciliation tomorrow and have just been so busy prepping for it.

I'll come back to your comment in a few days and we can work on options together x

Hope it goes well @giantnannyknickers x

@greenberet @Xenia settled at mediation. Found out the girlfriend has been storing money in her account but I'm over it! Happy to move into the next chapter.

@giantnannyknickers - so pleased to hear you have this sorted - I try and tell myself everything happens for a reason - and old “stuff” has to be cleared for better stuff to come and karma will kick butts! X

@greenberet yes that's totally true, everything comes in cycles, up and down. Our up is just around the corner.

How're you feeling today?