Will family court spot this pattern of behaviour?

[Jamielee444]

I've been in and out of court with my ex our our son for the past 2years. Each time we go to court he gets given contact and he does the absolute minimum and when it falls apart and he blames me. I've offered every type of contact I can think of. Most recently he came up with a schedule that I then agreed to, but he has said now he doesn't want to follow that pattern. I agreed to the dates and times he proposed and said he could have contact at my house if DS wont settle with him. I can't win. We are back in court soon. Do you think the judge will take notice of the fact he is simply doing this to get back at me and doesn't want to see our son? He's not had any contact in a year and has refused direct- supported, supervised, unsupervised contact and indirect- phone calls, letters etc.
Thank you!

If there has been a court order in place on what basis are you going back each time? Is it to vary the order? What has the court reaction been previously?

I don't think it can have met the threshold to be considered vexatious in 2 years and so they probably can't do anything to stop this behaviour as such but it may well be mentioned.

This is based on my experience. I'm not a solicitor.

He's taken me back to court when contact hasn't gone to plan..but each time it's because of something that's happened beyond my control like a supervisor has walked out or my son has repeatedly refuses to go.

How old is your son? Unfortunately if the contact is court ordered you are seen as the one at fault if it doesn't happen when he was expecting it.

I would try and engage a barrister who might have a bit more clout to knock this in the head. It’s ok to have the odd hiccoughs but not repeated failure to meet obligations. So do add up how often your ex has been inconvenienced and make sure you try and get your DC to agree to meetings. Don’t try and put your DC off visiting.

If you believe he’s dragging this out unreasonably, then get a barrister to sum up your position and get an agreement that works for both of you.

Thank you.
I have recently agreed to what he has asked for and he is still not happy and wanting to change times but at the same time not saying what times he wants.

Might depend on the age of the child. My sons often refused to do things so I picked them up kicking and screaming and dumped them in the car for school , the super market or whatever and the same can apply to seeing another parent surely; whereas a huge 14 year old you cannot really force anywhere.

How many applications has he made over the last two years?

What has the judge said about his behaviour previously?

I assume your child is quite young because you've mentioned 'settling' him. If this is true, the court absolutely will not accept child refusal as a reasonable excuse for missing court ordered contact. Each of the times this has happened will be noted as you not facilitating contact.

Yes DS is 3. There were 2 times he refused to go. The first time I put him in dad's car, second time we had a 30 minute stand off and dad gave in to DS and told me to take him home.
We've been to a full hearing and an enforcement hearing. Each time the judge has been quite positive that we both want it to work. But as soon as we leave court my ex comes up with excuses why the order can't happen and changes times, even though I have agreed with what he's asked for.

Because contact is court ordered your DS doesn't have a choice not to go. You aren't helping by letting him feel it's ok not to go. I understand it's distressing but it's not dissimilar to what happens at nursery etc.

I'm not clear on what's going on here as you say he hasn't had any contact in a year. Has your ex failed to show for all scheduled contact? If this is the case unfortunately he may still be granted staged contact but if he doesn't stick to it this time it might be his last opportunity before the court rules against him.

It’s a little hard to follow what’s happened tbh. You say in and out of court over two years but then say it’s only been two hearings.

Most likely your court order says you have to make your son available for a certain amount of time. You aren’t obliged to accommodate additional requests or changes of time.

What sort of excuses is he making?