Cafcass Section 7 report. Stepped contact??

[JoJo2106]

Hi,

Cafcass are in the process of completing a section 7 report. Spoke to the officer on the phone earlier who visited my home a couple of weeks ago. She was truly awful and completely biased towards my ex in every way. Anytime I tried to voice my concerns she shot me down. Was utterly horrendous. Anyway I spoke to her earlier and said her recommendations to the court will be unsupervised contact, then overnights and shared holidays. Wouldn't elaborate whatsoever on how fast she thinks overnights will start and I remember her using the term 'stepped contact' or 'stepped in contact' can anyone tell me what this means cos she wasn't about to tell me. Also shared holidays does thar mean Christmas etc. My little boy is 16 months old and hadn't seen his dad for 8 months. He has had supervised contact for 8 weeks which comes to an end next weekend.

Report is due anyday now and I am dreading it as she was all for my ex. Shes been completely taken in by him.

Hi, sorry to hear all this. I spoke with cafcass a few years ago after my exh and I split up, he took me to court claiming the days he has our son were uncertain (they weren’t - they had been exatthe same night during the week and every other weekend same time etc. I didn’t rate cafcass and told her the visits and stays were supervised by/at his parents house and I wanted that to remain due to his past. She didn’t seem concerned and wrote this in the court papers. I wanted the other night in the week to stop and him just see our child until 7ish as he wasn’t getting a good bed time routine and was tired for school, this didn’t happen and they gave him an extra night at the weekend (Friday from school). He wasn’t going for half the holidays he only wanted a week at Christmas alternate, and 2 weeks in the summer (if I hadn’t have accepted my barrister says he would’ve been given half of all holidays by the court). He also got unsupervised. There’s not a lot you can do, I had written pages, printed pictures etc in my in depth court papers, the pane had clearly not read it or looked through very well as they kept asking questions that were in my paperwork, my barrister kept having to refer them to the pages. Sorry that doesn’t help but just wanted to say unfortunately it’s like that in court now so it seems.

Sorry I also don’t know what stepped contact is. But in court make sure you go for the child residing with you.

Yes I already have a interim residence order so I am.hoping it stays that way. This awful woman before tho was basically threatening me that if I don't stick to the court order which I have never said I wouldn't that it raises the question of who the child should live with. All I have ever done is try to protect ds and this is what you get. The whole system is disgusting. When she says shared holidays, why would she bring up holidays now when ds isn't school age he's 16 months old. So am assuming shared holidays mean half? Doubt he can do that anyway cos of his work and he lives alone.

I would imagine she means increases in stages eg month one full day unsupervised contact, month two one overnight a fortnight, month three Friday-Sunday.

What do the supervision reports say?

@MissMalice wow so overnights can happen that quickly after only a month? I would imagine she will recommend overnight every weekend as ds is only 16 months so not at school etc and I am.not working as I have some health issues and signed off as I need an operation so don't think they will bother about me having weekends with him as I am home midweek. In saying that though I think it's a bit much considering I have been his main care giver since he was 2 weeks old which was when we split. Then ds never seem his dad for 8 months due to a DV incident, which is half of his life. So it just all seems so fast her talking about overnights already. When she says shared holidays will that mean Christmas etc? Am assuming it can't mean anything else given ds age and he doesn't have school holidays.

The contact is supervised by my mum as our local contact centre has closed down. So no reports. I am expecting the section 7 any day now as we are in court in less than 2 weeks.

I gave it as an example of gradually increasing contact rather than as what is likely to happen in your case.

They may order an overnight a week but it’s normal to order one weekend to each parent - you could argue this on grounds of having weekends away and also it means that the arrangement wouldn’t need to be reviewed/changed again further down the line. The courts don’t want the matter returned to them.

This is the same for holidays. Yes it can include alternating Christmas/New Year. It may be that the court says Dad can have half of non-term time already so that the order doesn’t need to be changed or they might just order 2 weeks in summer or 3 separate weeks over the year for example. This is likely to be increased incrementally. It’s reasonable to question what annual/parental leave Dad has - the court may limit Dad’s holiday contact to this or may order Dad has to take leave - or they may not.

My experience of CAFCASS is that they came across as hostile/supportive of ex during the meeting but I didn’t rise to it and the S7 still went in my favour.

Do you have a solicitor?

I doubt they will give him every weekend as the court order is then in place usually until the DC is 18, it’ll prob be every other (mine is). Argue that when you do return to work and Dc goes to school that weekends will be time to see friends with the child and his friends and family rtc

I'm not sure if the court will go for alternate weekends or not as at a previous hearing the court adviser asked if I worked and when I said I didn't they went ahead to award ex having every weekend for contact (Not overnight at this point). They said if I worked they probably would have gave me one weekend too but as I am home midweek it wasn't necessary. Not sure if they'll have the same view for overnight or not. They just said an order can be varied.

With the shared holidays it seems a very long time for such a young child to be away from their main parent. 2 weeks is a lot. He's never been away overnight at all yet he rarely leaves my side. I am so anxious about the whole thing

Well I know this isn't going to be in my favour she has already told me her recommendations and it's probably more than what he thought he'd get. She was all for him she wouldn't listen to a word I said.

Yes I have a solicitor.

I would be surprised if they moved to 2 weeks straight away - that’s if they even order 2 weeks in one stretch at all. I’d ask for a period of say 3 nights first, then maybe 5, 8, 10 before reaching 14. That could be done over a couple of years.

I would definitely ask for alternate weekends if they’re going for more than one overnight.

Have you got any support for your anxiety? Using the family court can be stressful at the best of times. It might be helpful to have a counsellor to talk it all through with.

Probably worth talking through with your solicitor what your best options are. Arguing that the CAFCASS officer is biased is unlikely to get you anywhere - you’re probably better off creating a proposal somewhat in line with her proposal but asking for things like full days for a while before overnights introduced, alternate weekends rather than every and asking for holidays to be introduced gently.

I have heard the court almost always go with CAFCASS recommendations is that right. We have magistrates not a judge and heard they are even more likely to go with CAFCASS whereas a judge may not. Yes I need to speak to my solicitor but I know he's in court all day today so am driving myself mad wondering what this awful woman is going to put in this report. I have never encountered anyone like her and I can get on with anybody.

I am starting to see a councillor again as I already suffered with anxiety previously and this is just making it worse.

See I would really like to put off overnights full stop until ds is older and fully verbal. I split with my ex when ds was only 2 weeks so he didn't have a lot of involvement with his day to day care. He had contact for around 3 hours on a weekend in which he gave him a bottle which I had made and struggled eith nappy changes and when to do it, often bringing him back in soiled nappies claiming he didn't know. But mainly ds used to sleep the majority of the time he had him as he was only very young. He seen him up until he was 7 months old then this DV incident happened and he tried to run off with him. We have been going through court since last June and he hadn't seen ds for 8 months, he has just recently started seeing him again in December supervised by my mum. And he is still struggling with nappy changes, my mum said he didn't even know how to boil an egg for ds's lunch last week and she had to tell him. He has never dealt with a child before and there are no children in his family. It may sound petty but if he couldn't even boil an egg how is he going to cater to ds needs on an overnight basis? I haven't even got ds in a proper bedtime routine yet as he is a terrible sleeper and is in with me as he wakes frequently through the night and won't go to sleep until almost 11pm. I just don't know how ds would react to this change in circumstance as he has honestly never left my side to go overnight anywhere. I honestly feel it's far too young especially for the length of time he's not seen him, plus the fact he is obviously going to struggle with feeding and nappies are still a problem too. The cafcass officer clearly thinks differently though. I hate this as have no say whatsoever in what happens with my own child

I do understand what you’re saying.

Yes, the courts generally go with the CAFCASS recommendations and I have also heard that magistrates are more inclined not to deviate from them.

The best advice will come from your solicitor who has the full facts but based on what you’ve put here, I think you need to accept that overnights will happen. I suspect that even when your DS is older and verbal, you’ll still feel anxious. And if the verbal part is so your son can tell you when things with Dad aren’t right - the threshold for getting contact changed on the reports of a young child is high.

Dad is going to have a steep learning curve. He will learn to do nappies and to find a routine and how to soothe your DS if he gets upset. Lots of parents can’t boil an egg but still manage to feed their kids and care for them overnight. It might not be up to your standard but it will pass as “good enough” parenting.

The worst thing you could do if the CAFCASS officer is saying you’re being obstructive is to give them reason to think that. They’re possibly more likely to order a faster schedule of contact or potentially more contact if that’s the case. That’s why I suggested sticking close-ish to the recommendations but perhaps proposing that it’s increased a bit slower, or that it’s not every weekend and that holidays are done incrementally etc. You still have the opportunity to make a proposal to your ex before you go into court and if your ex agrees, that can be made in an order made by consent rather than having a fully contested hearing. Judges and magistrates prefer that.

Your DS will still be spending a huge majority of the time with you and he will be able to feel secure in that. This obviously will be change for him and he’ll need you to support him with this change.

I would strongly recommend getting some support with your emotions - they’re completely reasonable emotions to have and it’s still important that you’re able to manage them. Children pick up on far more than we realise and if you’re anxious and upset, he will likely be too, even if you’re putting on a brave face.

I managed to speak to my solicitor earlier on the phone, he called me. I thought he was out all day at court but it was just the morning. He seemed to agree with me that this cafcass officer has it in for me and that we can probably guess what's going to be in the report. He said about the contested hearing if I don't agree with it but is it really going to be worth it if this officer is so against me. He said I'd have to give oral evidence along with the cafcass officer and my ex which would be horrendous given how much she is all for him. Plus not to mention the hundreds of pounds it will cost on yet another hearing.

I honestly feel like I have a gun to my head. Agree or you'll potentially have everything made worse for u and maybe even lose residency of your child which she has already made threats to. My solicitor wasn't impressed with that, he said you would have to be missing contact session after contact session for them to change residency of your child. She is one nasty piece of work I have never came across anyone as awful. So really if I want this to be a final hearing in 2 weeks I shouldn't contest anything and just agree. Even my mum has said your fighting a losing battle and wasting your time as her mind is made up in regards to my ex.

Yes you are right ds's life will change completely now. Worst bit is aswell if ds was severely distressed and wanted to come home to me he wouldn't let him which breaks my heart to think about. This is why I wanted him to be older and fully verbal so he can express himself.

Yes I have another appointment in a couple of weeks with a councillor but I do agree with I will still be anxious. Helps to kind of offload to an impartial person though. But I have honestly never experienced anything as horrendous as this. I have had cancer before and this is worse. And that's saying something. Ds is now a child of the court and there's nothing at all I can do about it as all the decisions are made for you.

I do try to stay strong and put a brand face on but it's so hard as he had destroyed my life. He has turned so many people against me saying I've lied about DV incidents etc, I haven't lied about any of it. He has simply tokd people I am just an evil woman who has stopped him seeing his son for no reason. They don't know the truth. It's got to the point I am wary even going out now because of the malicious lies he's told about me and I'm worried who I'll bump into incase I get abuse. He's literally ruined my life.

It sounds so distressing.

I think your solicitor and your mum are right, sadly. A contested hearing could well be a waste of time and it could go further against you.

I would take what the recommendations are and try and propose something you can tolerate.

Even if your son was older and verbal and saying he didn’t want to go - it’s unlikely contact would be stopped until he’s much, much older or unless there were serious safeguarding concerns.

You don’t have to miss any/many contact sessions to lose residence though. It can happen even where contact is taking place but the courts decide that the resident parent is so strongly against contact that it’s emotionally harming the child. It’s not likely but it is possible.

I know it feels like your life is ruined but it isn’t. You have your boy most of the time. Your ex doesn’t have the power to ruin anything. You clearly care a lot about your son and you can make a good life for you and your son despite all of this.

@MissMalice thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me. It's been nice to be able to get all this out to someone.

It really is distressing, I have done nothing but cry. I just honestly can't believe this awful cafcass woman and I can't believe she is recommending shared holidays and overnights already. Shared holidays should be when my son is on holiday from school not now he is a baby. So in reality come Easter my then 18 month old will have to spend a week away from his main parent. And then 2 weeks or more in summer etc. It's too much too young. I feel like i just can't contest anything.

When you say take the recommendations and make proposals of my own, is that not the same as contesting it though as I am basically saying I don't agree with what cafcass are saying. Could I maybe write a position statement before court to set out the areas I would like to speak about and propose it in the statement? Can the court decide that on the day without it having to go contested?

Ah right, my solicitor said I would have to do breach after breach for them to change residency. He kind of made out it'd be a worst case scenario.

I do genuinely feel he has destroyed my life, he has affected my every day life to the point am wary of going out as I said because of who I may see. He has slandered me and turned people against me it's awful. I try to stay strong but it's so hard.

I would argue against a week at Easter. That’s much too soon.

Courts always want parents to agree together. On the day of the hearing, your solicitor can go to his solicitor (or to him if he’s not represented) and put forward your proposal. If you’re able to reach agreement that way, there’s no need for the full contested hearing to go ahead. The judge can just approve what you’ve agreed.

In your shoes, I’d be asking for 1 month of daytimes 9-5, 1 month of weekly single overnights 9am Sat-9am Sun, 1 month of alternate weekends 5pm Fri-5pm Sun.
Only after the third month introducing holiday contact, starting at 3 nights (maybe a bank holiday weekend in May), then perhaps 5 nights in summer. Then extending to one or two 7 nights next year and more holidays to include 14 night the year after.

That gives both you and your son the chance to gradually get used to the changes.

Yes change of residence is worst case scenario. I’d strongly recommend not breaching orders if CAFCASS have reported you as being obstructive.

You’re in the middle of the storm at the moment so it’s no wonder you feel as you do. Talking it through with a counsellor will help you “find yourself” again so you can get out and live your life without being afraid of who you might see.

It's looking more and more like it may have to go to a contested hearing because i know for a fact my ex will not agree to any of my proposals before court. This is a power thing to him and he is winning at the moment. He isn't interested in what's best for ds he is only consumed with getting what he wants. I'll give you an example, he never seen ds for 8 months. He was 7 months old the last time he saw him, and I suggested any contact that starts should be done in a contact centre due to the length of time that had passed since he saw ds plus his young age. My ex flat out refused and said he didn't think a contact centre was necessary and just basically wanted to pick him up as he used to do 8 month earlier. Didn't think for 1 minute how that would affect ds or the fact he wouldn't have even known who he was. He is only interested in getting what he wants so now cafcass has more or less gave him it he won't back down now even if it did benefit ds and to try and make him more settled. He won't care about that. So in that situation, will it go to contested hearing the magistrates can't just decide there and then on the day that they maybe don't agree with the report?

I have been reading online and a lot of professionals think a young child like mine shouldn't even spend overnights away from their primary carer until older and are able to verbally express themselves as they csn suffer separation anxiety. It's not like I can explain to him that he's going to spend a night somewhere else and he will see mummy again soon. But I suppose courts don't see it like that. I think the whole court system is awful and cafcass. It's supposed to be the best interest of the child but all I've seen so far and from other people's stories I've read even on here they just seem to bend over backwards to give the father's what they want regardless of what is best for the child. That's my experience anyways and I can see its a lot of others too.

Yes I will stick with the councilling and see how it all goes. Honestly don't know how I get through the days I think am on auto pilot.

Your solicitor can still offer your proposal to the judge even if he doesn’t agree. Is your ex represented?

You can find research in either direction tbh. One of mine started overnights at a similar age to yours and it’s been fine. His attachment to me has been consistently secure and over time has developed a secure attachment to his dad too. That’s why I’d argue for day contact first.

For what it’s worth my experience is the opposite but I appreciate lots of people have different experiences. Mums seem to think courts are biased in favour of Dads and Dads seem to think courts are biased in favour of Mums. The courts don’t always get it right, that’s for sure.

Your son really will be okay though - he can rely on you and that provides him with the resilience he needs to get used to this new change.

Does anyone know any details about possesory title to a house and what the criteria is?

Can the judge decide on the day if he agreed with my proposals rather than the cafcass report? I really don't want to go to a fully contested hearing as we all havr to give evidence including cafcass and she is all for him anyways. So it would be better if the court agreed to it ay this next hearing if they decided to. I don't think it would do me any favours as you say going to contested. Yes he has a solicitor.

Yes every situation is different I suppose. I think because I ended the relationship after only 2 weeks after ds was born and he's never lived with us that's a big factor in my worry as he's never cared for him on a 24 hour period. He has never even bathed him before and struggles with a lot. Plus I worry greatly about his drinking. This is the main reason I broke up with him in the first place, he has always drank a lot and nothing changed after ds was born and then he sat up all night drinking looking after ds then drove his car with him in it full of drink. Ds was days old. That was the final straw for me so I ended it. He has recently done drug and alcohol tests in court which came back clear, that was the biggest farce ever. The court told him back at our first hearing last June hed be getting tested but at that point didn't order the tests. So they more or less were saying, get yourself him and cut down for these tests. Then at our August hearing 2 months later they ordered the tests. My ex delayed and delayed these tests and we had an October hearing tests still not done,
The court didn't make much of this and just said they need to be done ASAP. Another month or so passed and he eventually done them in November as we had another hearing. Needless to say they came back clear. Not surprising really when he had been given 5 months to cut down. I honestly believe now the tests are done he has just gone back to how he has always been and there's nothing I can do as the tests were clear. Plus the tests were supposed to be going back 6 months and he was only tested for 2 and a half as they said his hair was too short. Hed got it all cut off beforehand. So that worries me massively and is another reason I would prefer my son to be older before overnights so he can speak. Its all such a big worry to me. He also had a 25 year cannabis habit and has taken ds around to his friends when he was tiny where they smoke weed during the day when the kids are there. Courts and cafcass think nothing of this clearly.

I'm honestly beside myself with worry about the whole thing.

I have had my first hearing this week regarding my 6 month and 6 year old girls.. their father is and alcoholic and massive cocaine user.. also been domestic violence .. caff cass were suppose to call before the hearing and didn't.. called them and said they would see me before court.. and they were not there either.. are they not suppose to be safeguarding the children?? Doesn't sound like that is happening ..yes for sure they need contact with their dad and have him in their lives but is this not the whole reason we are safeguarding our kids?? I feel sick at the thought of anything happening due to my ex's addictions.. I can't understand why they do not think your baby is in danger?!?! That really does not make any sense to me.. I can't begin to think how I will feel if my case goes the same as yours.. I feel for you I really do xx

Another spin on this is that lots of parents need practice to get better at nappies/bottles/routine. You learn the more you do it.

He clearly wants time with his child and has changed his alcohol habits to have this.

@emma46 Hi, cafcass are awful in my opinion. To be honest though at the beginning we had a different officer who conducted the phone call appointments and she write the safeguarding letters for court and she was very cautious and seemed to have my son's best interest at heart as she recommended no interim contact at all while we were going through court. I found it to be more in my sons favour then. But since the court ordered a section 7 report to be done we got a different officer allocated and irs now it has turned like this. She is so far up my exes backside it's unreal. She is very pro father. I honestly don't think if I even told her he was a sex offender or something (Not that I would) she would bat an eyelid. That's how much she is all for him. In my opinion she isn't thinking about ds at all only in giving my ex everything and more that he wants. I am absolutely gobsmacked since I have personally been involved in this whole corrupt system. You hear stories but don't believe it until you go through it. I really do think it depends on which cafcass officer you get cos I have heard some good stories too. It's pot luck and I def drew the short straw. These people have your kids in the palm of their hand it's awful.

I know exactly how you are feeling and that sick, stomach churning feeling worrying about what could happen. I am shocked you didn't get your phone call. Did your ex get his? Surprised they weren't at court too as they are meant to see you before you go in for your first hearing.

How did your hearing go? I hope it goes well for you. What is your ex looking for contact wise?

@Hackattack yes that's true. In regards to the alcohol and drug tests though, he drank and smoked weed right up until mention of court. Once I stupidly told him he'd be getting tested he stopped but that is only because he knew he'd come into difficulty otherwise. I spent years with him so I know how habits. Plus he had also told people it was temporary him stopping and someone even showed me some comments he'd made on Facebook when some one was asking him if he wanted to get 'wrecked' he said no good for him at the moment as he is not allowed to enjoy himself. Clearly as he had cut down for testing purposes. Plus if he had nothing to hide why delay thr tests for over 5 months then shavd all your hair so you could only be tested for 2 months rather than 6. He knew what he was doing.

Section 7 advice.

I am currently having a section 7 report done against me after my ex decided to take me to court for a child arrangement order out of the blue may this year. Me and my ex have always had a good relationship since splitting 6 years ago. But since he found himself a new partner September last year things have become difficult. We started mediation which did not work out he manipulated me through our to get me to agree for him to have the children on my day as they were in after school clubs and he felt like he didn't get to see them so I agreed. Which then was only because he wanted to claim benefits and have it in writing he had them then 1 day more than me a month making him the main carer. Then may came and I receive an email with a court date. In his application he claims I don't look after my children's hygiene they go to school grubby which I've had the school confirm that is completely not true. He has claimed I smell of alcohol when picking them up from his house. Mind you I havnt collected them from his house in over a year just from school so not only is that not true he hasnt even seen me face to face in over a year. Long story short we go to court and due to his allegations I have lost most contact with my children while the section 7 report is being done. I had a medical report done by my GP which confirms I am within fine health so not drink excessively at all and only now receiving counselling as I'm struggling with the fact of not having my children around. I have cafcass coming to meet with me in 2 days and I am anxious on what to expect. I have absolutely nothing to hide and I feel like this is a personal attack on me. But I have no idea why as we were absolutely fine and all of a sudden I can no longer contact him not even email and this is now happening. It's destroying my family and my poor children are suffering for it. They can see exactly what there dad is doing but are to afraid to argue it being only 10 yrs old and 8 yrs old.

He has removed me from medical records decided to claim the benefits I have claimed for the last 6/7 years as a single parent. I feel it's all for monetary reasons but am I going to look like the bad guy if I try explain to cafcass my grievances towards him? I just want my babies back and in a normal routine and this to go away. But I feel he won't stop at anything.

Hi, I know I’m a few years late, but can you tell me what the outcome was?

I’m going through literally the same thing now and I feel sick with worry.