How to respond to this solicitors letter?

[Blackladybug]

Hi,

I'm hoping someone might be able to help as I'm unsure how I should respond to the latest solicitors letter.

Bit of history, in Nov 2017 children's services wrote a report saying that because of my DS's dad having a past of being physically abusive to a child, that any contact he has with DS would need to be supervised and advised that it went to court. I agreed I'd let it go to court. However, Since then me and ex tried to do contact with me supervising but that didn't last because he kept going against our agreement and it made me so anxious.

In August he sent me a solicitors letter saying he wanted unsupervised access 4 hours a week and that children's services had been involved but had no concerns.

I wrote back saying that social services do have concerns, that contact should be supervised, and I enclosed a copy of the report and information for our local contact centre.

He wrote back suggesting a different contact centre which have a session every second Saturday for 3 hours, however the contact centre he suggested only do supported contact and when I made contact with his proposed contact centre they said they couldn't help due to it needing to be supervised not just supported. So I wrote back saying this and included the email from the contact centre saying they couldn't help.

He has now sent me a letter saying that he still suggests his preferred contact centre. And that if I want to still use my preferred contact centre (the only contact centre that provides supervised contact) that he suggests I pay half of the costs which for weekly contact will amount to between £200-£300 each a month depending on if we wanted a written report (which I would want as otherwise I'd have no idea how it was going and it'd never be able to progress) he did suggest that his Dad supervises but I don't trust him at all. He said he would consider a suggested person from me. But I would require the report from the contact supervisor so this isn't really an option .

There's no way I can pay that, he pays me £220 per month so I'd literally be using the money he provides for his son plus potentially more money to pay for him to see his son. This feels really wrong and apart from the fact that I can't afford it, I don't see why I should have to.

So now I'm totally unsure of what to say next and what to propose.

What should I include?

1. I won't pay half as I can't afford it

1. I won't pay half because he's previously refused to help me with extra childcare expenses when I was ill even though there was a chance his son would temporarily go into foster care and it put me in debt and his son eating from a food bank

1. it's not down to me to pay it

1. suggest that if he can't afford weekly contact then suggest every other week contact (the same frequency as his proposed contact centre offers)

1. that a mutual person isnt an option as i would require the report from the supervisor. (Would i have to pay for the report as I'm the one who insists? I could afford to pay that at twice a month)

Or a mixture of these?

I've been writing the letters myself with minimal legal advice because I'm just following children's services report that it should be supervised and I really can't afford a solicitor.

I'd really really appreciate any advice.

Thanks

Write back that you cannot financially contribute towards the contact centre as you do not have the money.

You cannot agree to a non contact centre person supervising as you need full reports regarding contact to move contact forward. And a non professional would not be able to provide these.

Tell him contact should be every other week, so you can also have quality time with your children and they get some down time.

Go thro CMS for child support if you can.

Speak to child services again ask their advice to ensure the steps you’re taking are in line with their recommendations in case it goes to court.

I'd go for options 1, 4 and 5. Re 5, don't just say that you need a report (for feedback), but explain why you don't trust his father (eg has he tried to cover up for the dad's past actions towards a child, or minimise his behaviour).

Given there hasn't been contact for some time I think weekly is unrealistic anyway, even if it could be afforded.

How old is your son?

I'm not a legal bod but I think he's chancing it without a leg to stand on. The current contact centre arrangement works fine for you and your child. I'd reply that no, there will be no change the current arrangement and that no, you won't be paying for it. Contact needs to be supervised as per X advice from Y, and it needs to be through a contact centre (that offers supervised) because you have tried supervised outside of a contact centre and that didn't work.

I don't know that I'd get into "because I can't afford it" type of statements. "Because he is the reason contact must be supervised and at a centre and therefore it's his responsibility to pay", perhaps, with advice. I'd stick with whatever party line led to him paying the contact centre in the first place. But yes, get proper advice from child services.

So it didn’t actually go to court?

Don’t get into any back and forth with reasoning about how you can’t afford it, etc.

Short and sweet.

“As per the report provided by children’s services (enclosed), contact must be supervised.

Contact will continue to take place at XXX, with a written report provided by them after xx months, after which we/children’s services can review contact arrangements.

Regards”

Thank you for the replies. I'll phone children's services as suggested and make sure I'm following the right steps.

I'll draft out a reply but send it once I speak to social services on Monday. I've copied and pasted some bits of your replies, I think if I mention that I can't afford it and something along the lines of the fact hes the reason contact must be supervised at a centre and therefore it's his responsibility to pay. That i cannot agree to a non contact centre person supervising as you need full reports regarding contact to move contact forward. And a non professional would not be able to provide these. I'll refer him back to my first reply where I said the reasons why I wouldn't allow either of his parents to supervise. I'll suggest contact every other week.

DS is 1year 8months. He hasn't seen him since June. And even before that he's seen him maybe 10 times. He does work away, so he's home for 4 weeks, then away for 4 weeks. It's taken 3 months to get him to agree to send him a weekly video/voice (depending on his internet access) message.

He currently pays me directly via direct debit and has always paid the full amount at the right time so I'm happy to leave it as a family arrangement. If he ever stopped or started messing me around, then I'd go to CMS.

Sorry WWWWicked x posted, No it hasn't gone to court, in hindsight I wish it had. Reviewing after however many months is a good suggestion. Though it's likely be a year as that would be about 12 contacts I could suggest a review after 10 contacts?

He sounds a fucking delight

Good luck with it all xxx

Oh that's very young. I second Collaborate's response.

Keep it brief. You don't owe him long explanations that they will just try to mine for ammunition. Just state the facts : you can't afford it, and you believe formal supervision is necessary due to SS concerns. That's all you need say.

Ok so I've written a brief draft.

Dear Mr solicitor,

Contact will be held at the name of
contact centre, I am not able to offer ex any assistance with the cost of this, and as ex is the reason contact must be supervised at the contact centre, it is therefore his responsibility to pay.

I cannot agree to someone outside of the contact centre supervising as i will need non biased reports from each contact session in order for contact to progress, a non professional would not be able to provide this.

I suggest contact be held every 2 weeks, which should be more financially viable for ex. I am willing to review this arrangement after 10 contact sessions.

Regards.

How does that sound?

Dear X

As previously stated, contact must be professionally supervised. This is not available at X centre therefore X centre is not suitable.

Dipstick must bear the cost of this. Contact can take place fortnightly to ease the cost burden if necessary.

Yrs sincerely

BLB.

Yours is too long. Stop giving them explanations. Just stick to your position.

Ok I'll go with what you've written, I was worried about appearing rude/unreasonable, which is a bit as he's the one asking me to pay! Thank you

Unfortunately once you get into these battles which some some legality attached to them short and to the point is the way to go.

Never explain yourself. Never justify yourself. Never respond to anything that goes into emotional and financial realms as it's not pertinent.

There's 3 points

Contact must be supervised
Only x centre can supervise
You need independent reports from professional supervisor.

Rinse and repeat to every letter.

It doesn't matter if your ex's solicitor thinks you are rude or unreasonable. What they think of you doesn't count for shit. They aren't there to like you, or approve of you.

Although FWIW, I for one have a collection of unrepresented other sides to deal with who send me War and Peace every other day, usually making no bloody sense at all. So an other side who can tell me their position in 3 lines, clearly and without actual swears is a delight.

Did CSC carry out an assessment with you? What type was it?

Were their recommendations to let it go to court as a result of the assessment?

Why not read the OP?

I have read the op.... it states they wrote a report. Doesn't state an assessment's were completed..

Recommendations can mean different things based on what assessments were carried out

#TeamMrsBertBibby

Odfod

The assessment was caused as I knew he had a history but not to what extent. I told my health visitor this and between us we agreed that she would refer to social services.

They did an initial assessment, spoke to his Dad and saw his Dad, and he filled out a form so that my social worker could see his previous social services involvement (different counties). She also spoke to the old social worker involved. And based on those findings she recommended that any contact he had with DS would need to be supervised and that she suggested his Dad take me to court and at the time of the report I agreed that court was the best route. It was signed off then because from ss's point of view it was going to court.

Thanks so much. I had the worry that I would be seen to be unreasonable to the judge if it went to court if I didn't explain myself.

Short to the point letters. Ok got it. Really really appreciate your help so much

You're very welcome.

If he takes it to court, then you can put your position to CAFCASS and to the court. CAFCASS will talk to you before the first hearing, and (although it may well be social services rather than CAFCASS who do a full report) in greater detail at that stage. The court usually asks parties to put in a position statement too : yours should simply say you are following SS advice for supervised contact only. You can outline how very little your son knows his dad, as well. I imagine dad is effectively a stranger to him.

Can I also ask if you have looked at getting legal aid? That report from Social Services should be enough to get you there, if you are on a low enough income to be financially eligible.

That's literally all I want to do. Follow SS's recommendation. It'd be a safeguarding issue if I didn't. If SS turn round at any point and say that there's no longer a threat and he can have unsupervised access then that's fine.

I'm now just going to repeat my position as many times as it takes for him to agree or to take me to court. I know he'll do anything possible to stay out of court, he's just hoping to get away with the cheaper option. I feel much more confident, I was starting to doubt myself. I just want my son safe. As much as I show him the videos and repeat that it's daddy, to try and make any contact centre session easier on him. He really doesn't have a clue who his Dad is. Thank you.

OP it sounds like you have dealt with all this really well so far - well done you! You have been given brilliant advice on here and as someone who went LIP (I self repped in court) it really is all about sticking to the fact and repeating as often as necessary (ie no need to try to find other ways of explaining anything or giving reasons)

Short, sweet and to the point all the way

Plenty of great advice given. I tend to waffle and over explain too. Reading over what I’ve written and looking for ways to shorten it usually helps.

I'm terrified of having to self represent if it goes to court. But I doubt it will go to court. If it does I'll look into legal aid.

I do stick to facts but have probably over explained much more than I should of. I said in one letter that his Dad should send video message as indirect contact when we was away. It was ignored. So In the next I said I insisted on video messages as other wise nothing for 4 weeks, then randomly seeing him at contact would be confusing. And after I sent that, he started doing the messages. But now, my position has been made clear and that's what I'm sticking to. Contact centre, supervised, reports.

So grateful for all the advice.