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Original poster

My child's father won't bring daughter back

32 replies

ImaSandyGirl · 27/12/2018 22:57

I would be grateful for some advice. There is a child arrangements order in place. I am the resident parent, my DD, who is 3, sees her father every other weekend and alternate Christmases. My DD has been with her father this Christmas and is due to come home tomorrow. Her father has told me she is poorly, covered in a rash and is too ill to come home and he will keep her with him until she is better. I'm so upset. Her father refuses to speak to me. Is there anything I can do or do I just have to wait until he says she can come home?

OP posts:

MrsBertBibby · 28/12/2018 10:00

Do you believe she is poorly?

GobblersKnob · 28/12/2018 10:01

How far away are they?

Fairylightfurore · 28/12/2018 10:01

Can you ask to speak to her over WhatsApp?

DDIJ · 28/12/2018 10:04

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Doyoumind · 28/12/2018 10:06

Does the court order state exactly which day she is to be returned to you?

IdblowJonSnow · 28/12/2018 10:08

I would tell him that unless he contacts you to fully explain the situation that you will be contacting the police or social services. Surely he is breaching your agreement? Do you trust him with her? This sounds upsetting. He also should be getting advice for her rash as pp said.

IdblowJonSnow · 28/12/2018 10:10

And also, how can he know a day in advance that she won't be well enough to be returned?

GahWhatever · 28/12/2018 10:11

I understand that you are disappointed but if your DD is ill there's not a lot your Ex can do. Unless there's a massive back-story or you have reason to believe that he's lying, then you have to trust his judgement as a parent.
If it does turn out that he's lying put controls in place next year so he can't do it again.

MyOtherProfile · 28/12/2018 10:12

I think you need to give him the benefit of the doubt for the next day or so. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and she was too ill to go to one of her visits with him. It would be rubbish if he doubted you and tried to take her anyway. Give it a day or so and then ask him to bring her back.

DDIJ · 28/12/2018 10:14

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Gina2012 · 28/12/2018 10:18

What does the CAO say?

If it indicates that DD should be back home on 29/12/18 (eg) then your ex needs to provide proof that she can't come home on that date as she's too ill - Skype conversation with DD and you to satisfy you that she can't be moved

Otherwise I'd contact the Police or SS for advice

endofthelinefinally · 28/12/2018 10:23

I would want to be sure she had been seen by a doctor. She is very little and I would worry that he wasn't taking good care of her.

troubleswillbeoutofsight · 28/12/2018 10:24

Maybe ask yourself what you would do if the situation was reversed. Would you drive your child to her father if she had a rash and was unwell? Or would you contact him to explain the situation and to say you’d keep hold of her until she was well again ?

endofthelinefinally · 28/12/2018 10:25

My 3 year old was terribly ill with chicken pox and had to go to hospital. A rash does need a proper diagnosis so I completely understand why you are worried OP.

Collaborate · 28/12/2018 10:31

I agree with the PP who said you should see evidence she's been seen by a doctor.

Many primary carers see fit to suspend contact because a child is unwell, and they often get the support of the courts for this (on the proviso its not something as basic as a cold - it has to be something that means the child cannot travel). If what he's saying is true then he's not acting unreasonably, but 1. How far away are they? 2. Is she bed-bound?

NotANotMan · 28/12/2018 10:35

Social services won't be able to do anything so don't bother with them.
You could call the police but it's doubtful they would act unless you said you were worried about her safety which you shouldn't say if it's not true
I think you need to wait for her to get better but also ask to videocall her in the meantime. If he doesn't return her in a couple of days then you can try the police as that becomes more likely that it is abduction rather than a parent acting appropriately with an ill child.

PersonaNonGarter · 28/12/2018 10:35

I posted on your other thread. Go and get your daughter.

Why are you expecting everyone else to do this for you? Go and get her. Take someone else with you if necessary. If there is trouble, then call the police.

PrincessScarlett · 28/12/2018 10:50

Given that your ex refuses to speak to you when he knows you would be worried for DD speaks volumes. Any decent parent, regardless of any animosity in the past would reassure other parent that DD has seen a doctor/sought medical advice etc.

Go and get your DD if he is refusing to bring her back. Show him you will not stand for this controlling nonsense. If DD is really that ill she will want her mum and you can get her to the doctors yourself.

mrsed1987 · 28/12/2018 11:10

Police and ss wont do anything unless she is at risk. They will say you need to go back to court. Could she genuinely be unwell?

cheesywotnots · 28/12/2018 17:07

If she is poorly can you go and see her, she might be wanting her mummy. Ask him if she's seen a doctor, if she's ok to travel then bring her home, he can see her again when she's feeling better.

MyOtherProfile · 28/12/2018 18:19

If she is poorly can you go and see her
Only do this if you would be happy for him to turn up to see her if the roles were reversed and she was home ill with you when he was due to have her.

Original poster

ImaSandyGirl · 28/12/2018 23:48

Dear all, I'm sorry for the delay with the update. Thank God, my daughter is home with me. My ex agreed today to let her come home and met me half way (making me wait for him for over an hour). I think he has done all this to make me suffer and to show me that he is in control. He knew I'd be frantic, after telling me our DD was poorly and that he wouldn't let her come home until HE felt she was ready, then refusing to speak to me about it, switching his phone off or answering the phone then pretending he couldn't hear me. Of course, today he has told me that I'm a crazy woman to have got so upset about it all, and that I need help. Anyway, at least she's home now. Thank you all so much for being concerned and for your great advice.

OP posts:

Gina2012 · 29/12/2018 07:35

Of course, today he has told me that I'm a crazy woman to have got so upset about it all, and that I need help.

😂😂

What an arse

INeedNewShoes · 29/12/2018 07:39

I would make a printout of your text conversation so you have this as evidence that he broke the contract agreement.

PrincessScarlett · 29/12/2018 09:03

What a vile cruel person he is. Is your daughter actually ill?

Agree that you need to keep any texts. Also write down a detailed account of his behaviour over the past couple of days. If this is how he is going to behave you need to document everything.

Glad you have your DD back. Has she said anything?

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