Contact with Father

[1busymum04]

Thank you for reading this and hopefully commenting.
The situation is that the father of my youngest who is now 4 was violent towards me just before my son was born. When he was four weeks old we were rehoused a little distance away. Following that with the help of my ex parents who are reliable and caring people, I 're built an amicable relationship with my ex and his family. My ex also attended two Alternative to Violence courses. Things were stable until last year when he started to visit my house (I had let him and his family know where I was living) uninvited. When I asked him not to visit he became aggressive again and tried to enter my house by force. Of course the police came and it resulted in him being served a Restraining Order. In the court details it gave permission for the grandparents to have contact with me to arrange for my son to see his father via the grandparents.

Recently someone on my community has raised a safeguarding issue that I should not be allowing my son to see his father. He goes to see him every two weeks and has done for over a year. It has been consistent and positive as my son is picked up by the grandparents, sees his dad and also cousins. I'm worrying that this person that has raised the concern has taken it further as they don't fully understand the situation.

With whom have they raised safeguarding concerns?

Within my church

I had wondered if it was a religious thing.

Is this person influential in your community, and what could happen if you ignore them?

(It sounds to me that you're doing everything right, btw, and obviously the courts agree.)

Yes it is an influential person. I'm not sure to be honest. I feel it is a personal dynamic as this person has acted in doubtful and interrogating manner on several occasions.

Yes the courts gave permission.

Obviously from day one I have endeavoured to promote a healthy relationship for my son with his grandparents and father.

Sounds like you should just ignore them, then. If they genuinely believe their "safeguarding concerns" are valid (I don't) they can contact social services, who will have a chat with you, and you can allay their fears.

I would have issues with a vulnerable DC being handed over to an 'unstable, violent and aggressive abuser' (your words). He forced his way into your home, presumable whilst his own DS was there?

If anyone heard this, it would be their responsibility to report it.

You have become friendly and given out your address to someone you were moved away from for the safety of yourself and your DS. What you have done is to reverse that process completely and as a result received further significant abuse with your ds present, sufficient for a restraining order to be immediately issued.

It is everyones responsiblility to report safeguarding issues your DS cannot protect himself. He has abused his DS if da was home when this happened.

I doubt very much you would kick off and force your way into somewhere where you knew you would frighten your own DC and their parent in front of them.

I don't hand him over to my ex, he goes to his grandparents who supervise visits. Yes I did let him and them know where I was living after some time had gone by and some trust was rebuilt. Yes it did backfire.

What is your church doing about the safeguarding concern? Presumably your DS already has a social worker.

No we've not had a social worker involved as I was told several times there were no safeguarding issues concerning my family. Earlier this year

Earlier this year I was assessed by the NSPCC for counselling for my other son who is 10 years old. During the assessment I told them of the arrangements for my youngest son with his family visits and they said they had no safeguarding concerns.

Thank you x

Ignore the busybody! The grandparents are reliable and have supported you throughout, your sons father has never shown any safeguarding concerns whilst with his son, he only spends time via the grandparents. I don't see the problem, the court is happy, your son is happy and you get a break. Some people like putting their noses into things that aren't their business

Bless you for your no nonsense approach.

What happened with the police and your exs instability raise a safeguarding issue.

If the police have not raised this, despite getting an order slapped on him...well

Many don't do enough to protect DC, and as a result many are assaulted and killed.

I don't think you should be surprised or somehow offended that this would raise worries withe people that give a damn.

Your ex is clearly an abusive psycho! (From what you have said here, but I hear that you don't think he has been abusive to your DS)

Thanks for all your answers.

Clearly zero fucks for DC welfare with unstable abuser, and so it goes on!

Wow Christmas Sprite, you're an ignorant shit, aren't you?

You need to tell who ever they raised the issue with the full facts and get them to stop the busy body from interfering. They don’t need to pass on the facts - just shut down the concern

I've taken some steps now to deal with this. I'm feeling much better and I appreciate you taking the time to respond. Because I fled Domestic violence I've felt very judged. I'll never be a perfect parent but I've raised my four children under very difficult circumstances and I'm happy to say they are all doing well and more than suceeding in their school lives and personal lives. I followed my heart in forgiving the perpetrator of abuse and allowing him, with supervision to know his son and his son know him. I'm sorry some people on this thread are showing a very harsh attitude to my decision. That's your opinion.

I hope you all have a peaceful new year and thank you once again.

God bless x

berty nice

Taking risks with abusers is a dangerous game that dc lose over and over and its very sad.

That doesn't make me an ignorant shit, and that makes you abusive. It means I am on the side of the vulnerable DC, and that I am fully aware how many DC suffer from risk decisions.

That doesn't mean either that I am harshly judging OP.

Yes, you are amazing and awesome for raising 4 DC, an absolute paragon.

Still, you were the one that described his dangerous and unstable behaviour, you weren't looking for opinions, just to be told you were right and anyone that has concerns for DC being handed over to abusers as ignorant shits and intefering busybodies nice!