Child Arrangements Order - do I have to send DD for contact in light of abuse?

[beingniceiscool11]

DD (4) has come back on Xmas eve from her Dad very upset (not for first time - but this time she was more upset, adamant and detailed about it and has continued to talk more clearly about it now she has had some time off from school and just at home over Xmas).
I don't want to go into too many details but what she has described is that he has been physically abusive to her, not just losing his temper with her once but every time and then she says he is nice again in front of teachers. She said he made her feel like she couldn't tell Mummy. She's asking if she can just stay with Mummy now & she says she doesn't want to go to him and she refused to have Facetime with him on Xmas Day. From what she described it seems he's done something where it's lucky she wasn't seriously injured and she described that she felt "trapped and frightened" "like I"m in a zoo in a cage" and "worried that I will only be with Mummy for one day and then straight back to Daddy for the rest of my life".

He was abusive to me physically, verbally, psychologically in our relationship - when DD was 2 and 3 she reported abuse to me so I stopped contact and then was bullied and pressured into reinstating it by him, mediators, Social Services saying it didn't meet his threshold and me being terrified of going to court because I knew he'd just lie and charm them/ him going on an anger management course made me think maybe he had changed.
I did just about managed to get Legal Aid when he did take me to court when I stopped overnight contact after what DD disclosed to me when she was 3 years old, but yet in the Section 7 report, CAFCASS did not take the concerns very seriously saying they happened too long ago and the fact that I had allowed contact to take place meant that I can't have been that concerned. Saying DD was only saying these things because "maybe she thought it's what I wanted to hear". Basically they believed my ex's lies that I was putting words in DD's mouth because he span a story that I was jealous of his new girlfriend (even though I left him when DD was 1 due to Domestic Abuse and his drug taking). He passed drugs tests eventually...and they awarded him 50/50 contact.

Since contact overnight resumed and he's had sole care of her a lot now, DD has been getting more and more anxious and her behaviour has been deteriorating to the point it's hard even to get her to school or to go out of the house to do activities. Since the court case the Paediatrician has also identified that she has Sensory processing issues and they are getting more acute now as I believe she is under a lot of stress with the contact changes at the same time as having just started school.

The court order states holidays must be split in half and agreed by the parents - 2 months ago I agreed by email that he would have her for 6 days over the holidays but now I really don't want to send her as I am worried she will get physically hurt due to how often he is losing it with her and how he's treating her. Plus she is refusing Facetime now.

I don't know legally which steps to take about this and who I should be talking to about it because I am just so traumatised that last time CAFCASS just didn't seem to believe me and the Social Services said they would not be taking further action (due to I think they said they would leave CAFCASS to do their Section 7).

Advice please? I want to get the court order reviewed or changed. I have told DD she can tell teachers how she feels but I don't know if she will. I am going to have a meeting with them in January but still I don't know if I have to send her for contact before that....?

The legal position is that you have to comply with the existing CAO. If you want it changed you need to apply to the courts to have the order varied.

I agree with prh47bridge. Given this has been before the court before where you have ventilated similar concerns, that this is not a situation where something has happened where there is an emergency that would justify, on safeguarding grounds, an immediate cessation, you must apply to the court and comply with the order in the meantime. If you stop contact without the court’s approval you’re likely to get slated by the judge and will cause a great deal of harm to your case.

DD has now stated worse disclosures to the GP and to her teachers as well. Children's Social Care social worker have said because there is already a CAO in place it is not their place to intervene and take any action that I have to ask the courts for help.
CORAM - childrens law advice told me I can apply for a Prohibited Steps Order to stop him picking her up from school (that's if they grant it?) and I have to take to the court in person and ask for urgent assistance - but on the form C100 it asks for all kinds of evidence for why you need urgent assistance which I certainly wouldn't be able to obtain urgently.
My old solicitor who represented me on Legal Aid last year as the Respondent are unable to assist as 2 solicitors have left the firm before Christmas and they cannot take on any more work as it wouldn't be ethical especially not urgent work. They gave me a name of another firm who have told me they cannot help because they cannot get Legal Aid for me as an Applicant. I asked them ok so how do people who have no money protect a child who is at risk of harm or has been suffering domestic abuse...and they had no answer for me.
Children's social care won't intervene.... they told me to go legal route.
Legal route is telling me that I can't get legal aid if I apply to vary the CAO or apply for PSO and stop contact......

I don't understand what I'm supposed to do ?

Is it serious enough that you can involve the Police?

how do people who have no money protect a child who is at risk of harm or has been suffering domestic abuse

Legal Aid is available where you have been a victim of domestic violence of the child is at risk of abuse from your ex. Provided you have adequate evidence and your case is strong enough you would appear to meet the requirements for Legal Aid. Try a different solicitor.

Also, I'm not clear what evidence you believe the C100 demands if you want urgent assistance.

I would involve the police and fill in the Prohibited Steps and C100 immediately whilst stopping all contact.

On c100 there is a section where it asks for the grounds on which I am asking to be exempt from a MIAM and evidence I must be in possession
And also a section on 'urgency' eg. risk to applicant/family, risk to child, irretrievable problems in dealing with dispute, hardship to applicant

re: Police - i'm not sure.... What she describes is she has been regularly restrained by him by the wrists and ankles whilst he shoves her clothes on her and shouts, sometimes puts his hand over her mouth to stop her crying/screaming, picks her up roughly, squeezes and hurts her and shoves her into the car, frightens her, that she feels she's an animal in a cage and that he is a bear fighting with her. She has been having nightmares, panic attacks when trying to get her dressed, reflux. She also said once he whipped her legs out from under her causing her to fall down hard on floor.

If you stop contact he will report a breach and it will be back in court and you can present your evidence. That's what I would do

Do you mean he has smacked her, or grabbed her hair or pulled her arm? Can you be more specific? If I was you, I would stop the contact immediately and apply for whatever you need to stop him seeing her. Your child's physical safety surely has to come before anything.

I am very wary of being in breach because he has used in the past his argument that I am stopping contact because of me hating him (even though I was happy to leave him) and painting me to be bitter obstructive mother who is hostile to contact even though my actions show I have been making her available for contact, even during concerns, just stopped overnight or unsupervised contact at times. He can make a great case as a charming guy who's great at playing the victim, that I am being unreasonable and obstructive and he is very reasonable loving committed father etc.
DD at bedtime was doing fast breathing at story time and when I asked her whats up she said she is worried about seeing him at the weekend and just wants to be with me.
I am thinking of speaking to police as what harm can it do...I do think he has hurt her and frightened her causing emotional and physical suffering.
He hasn't hit her from what she's said recently. Although she said he hit her when she was 2.5 years old. They didn't trust her as reliable then.
Restrained her, put hand over her mouth, held her down, probably grabbed her arms and legs and shoved them in her clothes and then held her wrists together so she can't take off the top, and then held her ankles together so she can't take off the trousers (trying to get her dressed whereas she is having a panic attack about the way the clothes feel she is freaking out - has been getting worse and worse since overnight contact resumed fully in September. ) And grabbed her roughly, chucked her in car and been very scary and rough to her - apparently a lot of the time he does this, and then he's nice again in front of the teachers she says.

Also she has said a few times that he's said bad things about me (him breaching the court order there) that she's either overhead or been told directly and that it's upset her and made her not want to go.

On c100 there is a section where it asks for the grounds on which I am asking to be exempt from a MIAM and evidence I must be in possession

I think you have misunderstood the form. The evidence you have to produce depends on the grounds on which you are claiming exemption.

If it is DV you aren't expected to produce every item listed in question 3a. Any one of them will do.

If it is urgency you can ignore 3a completely. You just need to complete 3c. And you only have to show one of the items in that question, e.g. that delay would cause a risk of harm to your child. If that is the case you don't have to worry about hardship, irretrievable problems, etc. But you will need to show evidence at the first hearing that delay really would cause a risk of harm.

Basically, the question lists all the possible grounds for exemption and asks you which ones apply. You only have to show that one of the grounds applies, not all of them.

Ok thank you that makes it clearer. I could show a letter from GP and from Teaching Assistant confirming what disclosures DD made to them and then they would see that she has said she has been harmed, and contact would put her at risk of harm again? Plus emotional harm at being sent to Dad when she feels unsafe and says she doesn't want to go?

Who involved the social worker? Did the GP/school make a referral or did you?

I called the social worker at first, they said I have to go through court and I guess I kind of misunderstood what they said as they made it sound like it wasn't serious enough for them to get involved...so I was disheartened and felt like my only option would be a long court process again where they again wouldn't put any weight behind what I'd reported as DD had only said it to me.
So I let the holiday contact go ahead as I thought I just have to comply with CAO until maybe DD will open up to the teacher when she goes back to school in January, or I told myself if she's still really anxious and her behaviour is similar when she gets back, or she complains again when she gets back from contact, I will talk to GP.
So yes when she returned she was upset and unsettled saying she thought I had sent her to live with her Dad forever as apparently he didn't ask her if she wanted to Facetime me, meanwhile he was telling me on email that she didn't want to Facetime or call me, as she was busy and he wasn't setting a time for Facetime as he had promised he would and as court order said he should.

So didn't give her reassurance of when she would be seeing me again. She seemed to have a good time from what he said, but then I knew they'd be with other people - staying with another family and he would only have her on his own for one of those nights perhaps. So when she got back she had loads of nightmares, too scared to fall back asleep, so clingy, upset, anxious, meltdowns again and so I explained concerns to GP again on phone, then GP asked me to bring her in, once GP had spoken to DD, the GP then called social services team herself, and they said the same to her - it's a legal matter and it is not within their remit to intervene with contact or investigate welfare concerns - and that I should speak to solicitor or apply to court. I had no idea I could ask for urgent POS or anything before but once I got through to CORAM I realised I can.