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Parental responsibility and absent parent

15 replies

BlueUggs · 22/12/2018 07:19

Just reading a thread about a mum wanting to move away from ex and it got me thinking...

Me and my exh split when DS was 2.5.
I initially encouraged nagged exh to have contact but after the first 6 months when I basically had to force him to see DS, I didn't bother. I told him st the time that he needed to organise when he was having DS and that I would facilitate regular contact.

Exh hasn't seen DS since his 3rd birthday. He took him out for the afternoon that day then never asked again.

Over the years, he has sent 2 birthday cards (out of 4 opportunites), 2 anonymous Christmas presents (out of 4 opportunities), has no contact with DS (and very limited contact with his own DD who is 20), makes no effort with the school (which I chose as we've had minimal contact and he fundamentally disagreed with private school despite it being best for my DS) and wrote 3 cards to DS over a 6 month period when I suggested letter contact to attempt rebuild relations when DS turned 4 and could read.....then stopped. This was after he text me one morning out of the blue because he'd had a dream about our DS.

He pays £100/month maintenance despite this being way below the CSA suggestion and less than half what he paid for his DD. He refused to increase this when requested when DS was 4 when he wrote the cards.

I have all the text messages he sent me including lots saying he doesn't care about either of us and is happy to not be in his child's life.

I've found out he's now moved abroad for 6 months with a view to staying permanently.

At what point can I stop worrying about PR?!

OP posts:
Mondaytired · 22/12/2018 07:24

Unless a court terminates his PR then he would have them still. Is that a route you would go down?

BlueUggs · 22/12/2018 07:35

We have considered my partner adopting my DS but worried about rocking the boat!!

OP posts:
todayiwin · 22/12/2018 07:42

Is he on the BC?

todayiwin · 22/12/2018 07:43

Rocking the boat? No boat to rock. For £100 a month.....?

What a loser!

chantico · 22/12/2018 07:44

That might be the only route for you to end PR for your XH.

Does new DP have PR? If not, you could start by applying for it, and gauge from XH's reaction whether starting a conversation about adoption might bring the result you want.

BlueUggs · 22/12/2018 07:51

It's not that I want my exh out of my ds's life, but he's made it clear from his actions that he's not remotely interested...
My son is a sensitive soul and wouldn't cope with an on-off relationship and I told my exh this because he was always very selfish with his DD too.
Termination of PR only occurs in exceptional circumstances....

OP posts:
prh47bridge · 22/12/2018 08:03

Does new DP have PR? If not, you could start by applying for it

It isn't clear if OP has a new partner but she cannot give him PR unless she marries him and the father consents to her new husband getting PR.

Hellywelly10 · 22/12/2018 08:03

PR is a legal thing. It tends to come up in the family courts. Its unlikely that this man will ever go to court as hes not interested.

BlueUggs · 22/12/2018 08:10

My new partner and I are in a civil partnership. She doesn't have PR but does have the right to make decisions about him in an emergency if I'm not there due to us being in a CP.

We went to see a solicitor when we we'd been together for about a year and were advised to wait a while.....I'm now thinking that time is approaching.

My exh always threatened his DD's mum with court but never went through with it. He's tight with money and wouldn't spend it on court fees.

OP posts:
BlueUggs · 22/12/2018 09:10

@todayiwin - it's not the maintenance I'm bothered about. It's about him suddenly deciding to be the Disney dad if I contact regarding adoption and then letting my son down.....which he will....

OP posts:
RightOcciputAnterior · 23/12/2018 20:06

@blueuggs So you freely admit that you overruled the views of your child's father when choosing your child's school? If you're going to make such important decisions without respect for your child's father's wishes, are you surprised the father feels alienated? You're not blameless here.

Jack65 · 24/12/2018 01:47

RightOcciputAnterior Rubbish, have a go at the mother why don't you, she is bringing up her child single handed because a male has failed to step up, again.

RightOcciputAnterior · 24/12/2018 06:10

@jack65 Legally, Dad has as much say as Mum over choosing a school, unless a court rules otherwise. If Mum has decided not to allow Dad to have any influence over school choice, it suggests she's perhaps not a model co-parent. If Dad now feels alienated from his child, Mum's actions may have played a part.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 24/12/2018 06:21

RightOcciputAnterior did you read the part about OP saying she’d facilitate contact and the father not bothering his arse? No, you’re too busy projecting your own completely fabricated interpretation.

OP it’s possible for a stepparent to have PR, as long as they can prove they play a parental role to the court. It’s not usual, but it’s possible. I’d imagine where parental abandonment can be proven it simplifies things.

Hellywelly10 · 24/12/2018 20:41

Op just live your life, enjoy your family and stop worrying about this loser. If you really want your cp to have parental responsibility i would wait a few more years until your son can make the decesion himself. Does pr make any difference to his day to day life atm?

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