Moving without ex's permission - likely outcome?

[SoonToBeMissAgain]

Just posted this in divorce and someone advised to post here.

I've read with interest Lou141's thread

But I wonder if anyone has actually done this and can tell us what happened?

I have a very dysfunctional relationship with my ex and 3 young DCs. At the very least my relationship with their father is extremely stressful for me. More likely it is unhealthy for all of us, ex included.

I have to get away. I cannot live my life in his pocket any longer and will be moving 3 hours away in the NY. I plan on giving him notice but not enough for him to get an emergency court order.

I will have a home already set up to move DCs into, school places accepted and a suggested access plan that replaces midweek with extra holiday time.

By the time he manages to get a court hearing or a solicitor the children will be settled in their new home and new school.

Has anyone done this / been through it??

Courts can and have bought people back they have also changed residency so he is the primary carer be careful very very careful

My partner went through this. I’m sure his ex wife felt justified in doing so but the impact on the children was dreadful. The courts ordered that she must pay travel costs to get the children to access visits. Years and years followed where she continually tried to prevent access to the children because she found it disruptive for her. It was hugely stressful and bitter for everyone. He didn’t give up. I think she thought he would but why would you as a parent?

I didn’t know him when he was married so can’t comment on their relationship. He is the most kind man and has ‘adopted’ my DC and is a father figure to all of them however so I can’t understand her stance.

He has a fabulous relationship with his sons despite her behaviour. One son chose to live with us last year. The other has a good relationship with both parents but probably closer to mum. I think it’s a tragedy to lose a parent in your life. 3 hrs means he can’t attend school plays etc.

I plan on giving him notice but not enough for him to get an emergency court order

He doesn't need much notice to get an emergency order. And if you go down this path you may find, as abbsisspartacus says, that the court orders you to move back or even changes residency. The courts take a very dim view of parents behaving like this.

He can get a same day court hearing.

Unless he’s actually abusive, I think you’re being very unfair.
What do you mean by dysfunctional?

Also I know of a situation where the mum did this and the dad just moved and followed the children.

I would strongly not recomend you dong this as you can be forced to move back or residence of the children can be given to their father courts take a very very very dim view of parents that act like that.

You will have to do the move through proper channels and consulting the courts if you cannot agree otherwise it could become very very costly for you (and if the courts allow you to move you most likely will end up shouldering the majority of the costs associated with access ether by having to do the traveling for contact or paying the costs of your EX traveling.)

I know a mum that did this, dad got an emergency order and the courts granted him full residency as classed it as parental alienation. A wise decision given she was only thinking of herself and not them.

Think very carefully before you do this. Not only do you run the risk of the courts taking your children but you may lose them anyway as they get older and realise what you did to suit you not them.