Ex cocaine addict contact issues!

[Rubyred76]

Hello. I'd like to know my legal rights on stipulating fair contact with ex and kids:
From being a lovely caring and excellent father for 7 years, my ex has developed a cocaine habit and with this a complete personality transplant- difficult cold and argumentative. Eg: He dumped me a week after a double mastectomy. And was disinterested in looking after me wanting to spend time either taking drugs or seeing his new woman. Anyway.I am well rid of him and am still happy for him to see the kids ( aged 3 and 6) the 6 year old being quite sensitive and sad a lot of the time. However ex just wants to dip in and out for an hour here and there and it's not only upsetting for me ( if he is argumentative) but also for the kids who get excited that he's come but then get rejected all over again when he has to leave after 10 mins. I have said that he can see the kids Monday evenings and Fridays ( as he is off all day Friday so can pick up from school nursery ( he works all the other evenings except Weds when My son is at beavers). I thought that was fair. But he hardly ever turns up to both days, ( with a myriad of suspicious excuses- possibly drug use) and when he can't come he pressurises myself and my parents texting and ringing ask to ' pop in' on another day, calling me too rigid, saying I'm being cruel etc. It's not pleasant, it's scary and stressful. I now avoid calls and don't respond to texts. He knows when he can see them. I'm convinced that the kids would benefit from it being the same times each week as they need stability right now. Am I being unfair? Have I got a right to decide on these times? Surely I get to have a break from him knowing he won't turn up randomly too/ ( which I have been scared of) and maybe a night off myself? I think he leads a chaotic life and is so angry with me that I won't budge- but I want to get a stable plan together to not only cover my work shifts but also to alleviate the strain on my parents who have to cover when he doesn't turn up. I just want to do the right thing. I thought I was being generous in giving him any contact- due to the coke abuse/ yet he's never happy. Should I be refusing contact due to the drugs? My colleagues said that as he's a 'functioning addict' he could still have contact. Any reassurance that I'm doing the right thing or advice welcome. This rigmarole has been going on for months. What are my options? Thanks

The children have a right to stability, consistency, safety and a relationship with their parents - but stability and safety are in question in this scenario. You have insisted on stability and safety in contact with their father for the sake of the children. So no, you are not being in any way unreasonable - you are fulfilling your parental responsibility and attempting to safeguard the children's rights to consistency, psychological and physical welfare in a relationship with their other parent.

Thankyou for your response. I know I'm logically doing the thing that I feel is the fairest ( taking into account his and my work patterns and keeping in the kids normal routines ) but sometimes I feel ground down by the constant pressure and hassle I get when I'm told I'm being too rigid and am acting out of spite. I have been in tears and useless at work due to getting embroiled in text arguments that go on for days with my trying ( when I don't need to) to justify why this is the easiest and most stable plan. So all this pestering makes me doubt myself and my decisions. It happens every other week when he can't do a Friday- even ringing my parents who are stressed by this also. What is the best way to deal with the harassment? Am currently ignoring angry texts that say he should be able to pop in tonight ( as he can't do Monday or Friday due to a works do) I also have a works do Friday which I was planning on going on, but I guess I'll not be going now as I'll be looking after my children as he's not. I'm not sure what else to do to handle the aggro. Do I just continue to stand my ground and if he doesn't like it he must go to court? I've been repeating myself like a broken record for months. He just won't accept these terms and his alternatives to my plan is ' taking to school' one morning or 'seeing them for an hour on Saturday' or 'popping in for 10 mins' before a club.

Keep all communications by text and email and save them, they're evidence of his behaviour - especially as harassment is something that can be legally delt with. Also if you need to take this to the family courts for a Child Arrangements Order (C100) you will need to be able to show that you were supportive of consistent safe contact - whilst dealing with unreasonable demand for contact that wasn't in the best interests of the children's welfare.