Holiday as single parent - permission

[holidayhope]

Not amicable at all with DS father. If there can be a drama made, he will make it

He's already chosen not to sort contact etc in court so no need for specific issues order or child arrangement order as he isn't actually wanting to parent

I can't face the thought of contacting him every time we want to go anywhere, it's days of headaches and being given the run around while he considers things and spiteful comments to boot

Would I be able to ask for a one time "you have permission to take this child out of the country for under x days" type letter that I could use over again when needed from him? Or do I need to ask every single time and risk him refusing...

As I understand it, the letter needs to be specific to each time you take child out of the country. I've only had my ex sign a letter once (and haven't again because I was never asked for it to be honest) and I specified where we were going, when we were flying, where we were staying. I didn't get it notarised.

Some countries won't let you in without a notarised letter, do your research about where you're going before you book anything.

If he creates trouble, court will be your best option - one type of order gives you as RP permission to take them away for up to a month without explicit permission of the other parent.

Incidentally, we've travelled to quite a few European countries and the only place I've been questioned at passport control is when I was coming back into the UK with our British passports! They do ask questions every time though. Apparently because my DD has different coloured eyes from me, even though she is the spitting image of me otherwise. Never when leaving the UK and never when entering/leaving any other country. I'm curious as to what they would do if they wanted to take it further, as we were re entering our home jurisdiction. My DD has my surname too.

Have they got the same surname? Since youngest was 5 we have travelled in Europe and never been asked for a letter. We do all have the surname .

I had the exact same problem. Unless you have his written permission you will need to go to court to obtain the document that says the children live with you and you are able to take them abroad for max of up to 28 days. Believe me it’s worth paying the court fee to obtain this as you won’t have to contact him at all. Don’t listen to anyone that tells you that you don’t need it or to ‘risk it’ as if you don’t obtain the papers/permission you are breaking the law and will get in trouble for basically kidnapping!

I got told that you can't get anything in court unless you need it...

Because DS father is such a selfish twat - he wouldn't even do the whole refuse permission thing

So in terms of court... they don't know that he's going to refuse anything so technically don't know that I need it

He would just wait till in an airport to refuse and act stunned

Has he specifically said you can’t go overseas?

I’ve taken my daughter away every year and the only place I’ve actually needed permission for was South Africa because they have very strict rules.

But you DO need it. Either use a solicitor or just do it yourself, I did. You download the paper off .gov website and send off to the court. The court will try to contact you child’s father to attend court, if he ignores it that’s fine, they just go ahead and give you the paper that you need and you can then travel wherever and whenever you want without ever having to contact their father.

Iv been in a similar position and Iv taken my dc abroad every year with different surnames and never had a problem, so far!

As PP said, if you are the resident parent you don't need permission to travel if it's 28 days or less. You need a court order that confirms you are the resident parent. You can apply for £215. Your ex would be requested at court but may well not attend based on what you say. Then you would never have to contact him again.

Yes the solicitor I saw said that it depends on the judge. She knows one who would just refuse it whatever if there's no evidence that he won't give permission

There isn't any evidence because he won't explicitly say it but everything is so awkward and so much hassle and becomes a game for him to play around with people including DS

I suppose the fee on balance might be worth that gamble

I'm confused because I thought he has to apply or be refused for me to get the resident parent thing?

It isn't about getting permission to travel though. It's about getting confirmation you are the resident parent, which is useful for other reasons anyway and coincidentally means you can travel.

Single parent here never had issue. Travelled Europe, America, Middle East.

You do need to check, South Africa and Canada are off bounds for us mainly due to need for permission he wouldn’t bother signing anything.

We have the same surnames and only questioned on one of the USA trips but no problems.

Cross post.

He can't really deny you are the resident parent when you actually are and he has no contact though. If you make the application you are controlling what the case is about.

That’s what I meant, a court order. You can apply purely for that. If e doesn’t attend then great. If he does, it doesn’t matter the court will still give you the order. I divorced my dc’s dad, but the divorce was old and before the days you got an order that states where the parent lives which states you can take them abroad, so I purely went to court to obtain it and I even put on the form that the relationship had completely broken down and that I do not wish to obtain his ‘permission’ to take them on holiday. Was in court minutes and got the paperwork quite quickly and never have to contact him again. Worth every penny.

Being the resident parent is about the child's normal residence. Even if he was applying for contact, you would still be the resident parent unless shared residency was sought and approved.

How is this enforced though? I've taken my son away a few times just me and him. Could the airport ask for proof of.. what.. my marital status? The state of our relationship?

Sorry I'm totally confused because I thought my solicitor had explained that until he does something that proves that I need it - e.g. Kidnap him or make threats to that I wouldn't necessarily get it and be taking a gamble on who the judge is

He isn't interested enough to kidnap him... or say that he would... he just likes playing mind games and making everything bloody awkward

You ‘should’ be asked every time you leave/enter a county.... those that have never been asked have been lucky. The consequences of not having the correct paperwork, especially in a foreign country, are huge. Imagine you are travelling you and just your dc, no other adult and you’re arrested in a foreign country.... doesn’t bare thinking about

holiday down load the form and have a look at it. I don’t know why your solicitor told you that, if you don’t have an order, you can apply for one for these reasons

I've no idea... I'm not yet divorced 😢 but we haven't lived together for 5 years and yet still I seem to be shackled by this man in terms of parenting

He doesn't even see DS by his own choice

I think I might just take a gamble and go for it... it's a small price if it does get granted

I think you should. My ex was abusive and I let him call the shots for years after we divorced as I was scared. Last year I decided enough was enough and went for it. Just put a note on the form about the situation. Although in a divorce how a days you automatically get the consent order... it depends which you want to fight for first...

The court cocked up and when I reapplied for the divorce petition they didn't send it

Long story as to abusive ex why I once shredded it

It's so simple - we want to be divorced but I need the petition and then swapped solicitor and the previous went on holiday and files are taking ages to transfer over

In the meantime I am in limbo with a prick who won't do anything that seems to enable me to know I will get granted anything in court

I don't have the same surname as DD and we have travelled abroad. Despite having letters from my ex each time I've only ever been asked to show a copy of the birth certificate which I take every time we travel - and of all trips it's only UK immigration that has asked.

It seems a strange law though - how do immigration know if you are together or not? Do all parents without same surname need to take a letter even if they are married/together with child's father? If parents names were on the child's passport it would be a much better system - I don't understand why they are not.

how do immigration know if you are together or not

They don't need to know. The law is that it is an offence to take a child out of the country unless you have the consent of everyone with PR or an appropriate court order. Whether or not the parents are a couple is irrelevant.

If parents names were on the child's passport it would be a much better system

How would that help? It would simply show that you are the parent. It wouldn't prove that you have the necessary consent to take the child out of the country.