Stopping contact between my kids and my ex's mother.

[Amy606]

Sorry for the long post.

Every fortnight I take my kids to a contact centre so that my ex's mother could see them (she took me to court and got a order put in place to see them a year after I left my ex due to domestic abuse)

When contact started I would stay in the room while contact was happening, but not interfering just so I could make sure my kids we comfortable around their gran. However I noticed that she would offer only pay attention to my daughter and my son would wander off and go play by himself and gran wouldn't notice, and I would follow him so he wouldn't get hurt or anything like that.
Then after a few months of this happening I complained to my lawyer that this was happening and gran responded with that I shouldn't be in the room while contact was happening. So now I sit in the waiting room but that hasn't changed anything since I constantly hear my son outside the room either trying to get in or he just sits outside the door playing by himself. So when I would see him like this I would bring him in or a staff member would bring him in saying he probably wants a cuddle. Sometimes when this happens I'll hear gran asking where my son is and then going back to play with my daughter.

But at the last contact nearing the end I could hear my daughter outside the room crying her heart out and kept saying "no" then I heard my daughter say "it's mine" and then their gran saying "it's mine" in a teasing tone and my daughter continue to cry out, and it took all my strength not to go out there and demand what she thinks she's doing. Fortunately a staff member seen this and interferes and told gran she had to stop then brought my children to me and explained that gran was holding a toy from my child and was teasing her with it. I was in tears because this woman had my daughter in full blown tears and she thought it was a game?

I intend to call my lawyer Monday and inform them of everything that's been going on. After everything that's happened I'm no longer comfortable with my children going to contact anymore especially with what happened last contact. I have written everything down that's happened including times of events. Is this enough to terminate the court order or at least move the contact to supervised?

Any advice is greatly appreciated :)

is it possible that the contact center isn't well set up for the meeting? toys to keep the children engaged etc.
as a gran i don't know how i would "entertain" two kids in a closed in room. especially if they are different ages and have different interests.
would a park setting be better? or even a coffee shop with appropriate food options.
it sounds like your not keen on facilitating this relationship but long term it might be nice.

Maybe if you stopped thinking of her as your ex"s mother and started thinking of her as your children's granny that would help. It doesn't sound like you're doing much to encourage your DCs to interact with her.

Is this in the UK? Can a grandparent really do that?

Sorry should have mentioned the contact centre is full of toys for the children to play with,

And I do encourage them to go play with her, I try to make it as positive for them as possible.

Yes it's in the UK,

Talk to your lawyer and follow advice. It's wholly inappropriate behaviour on a consistent basis. I wouldn't have stopped being present for contact because her behaviour was inappropriate. As there's a court order, you cannot just stop contact, you have to go by the book. Will staff at the contact centre confirm the ongoing inappropriate behaviour?

Oh and ignore the crazy gransnet posters!

I think you have to continue contact, but definately raise concerns legally and properly otherwise you are wasting your efforts. I was under the impression contact centres were there to monitor contact, although I may be wrong. I’d seek real advice on that too.

giftsonthebrain surely in this situation you would then alternate between the kids, and not choose a favourite and leave the other to their own devices for all eternity?