Abusive parents - how can we protect ourselves legally?

[Academicdunce]

Long story short. Parents were sexually indiscreet when I was a child and neglected me leaving me in a situation where I was then abused.

Father has a habit of being creepy and 'handsy' with other women, very inapprorpiate. Also inflicted lots of "joking" bottom touching on me as a child.

Father recently wrote a story about children being sexually active and adults being incestuous as if that's very normal.

Have had nothing to do with them for a couple of years. They continue to send letters, parcels and cards to my vulnerable female children.

Despite having been asked not to they continue.

It's the run up to Christmas and I'm now jumping every time the letterbox rattles (do have a basket on it now to stop DC getting to it).

They have been asked by me and by DH not to contact us but still they persist.

I've had enough. How can I make this stop? Is there an injunction or something we can take out? I don't want to report them to the police because then the whole sorry story of me being abused in their watch will come out and that isn't something I want to report.

Any ideas?

Thanks.

You have to report this to the police.

What do I report though sunis? Harassment?

This is so hard. I can't have them anywhere near my DC and they are obsessed with maintaining contact while bypassing DH and I.

I'm worried if I report them the police will take their side and play the poor estranged grandparents act. They are everso respectable from the outside and also rolling in cash :(

Thank you handsoff. We've been doing the ignore option but they just pop up every now and then.

They spread rumours about my mental health and urge me to "seek help". I've been in (good!) therapy for 3 years dealing with all of this.

Then every now and then I get an influx of their madness and it's so hard to ignore.

An informal chat with the police might help. I'm scared if I open my mouth to the police, though, the rest of it will come out and I'll end up reporting stuff I don't want to.

How they can say I'm mad when I can prove this stuff is incomprehensible. I have a copy of the story he wrote. I am in touch with one of their previous sexual partners (they used to swing with her while us kids were in the house) and I can prove how indiscreet they were.

They persist in telling me I'm mad and trying to get to my children. It is very upsetting :( I've come to dread birthdays and Christmas (even Easter she sent a load of tat for the kids from the pound shop).

Yes I would report it as harassment. Have you kept anything that has been sent to you?

The police will take you seriously I'm sure. They won't fall for the act people put on! The children are the main priority for you and the police..

I'm so sorry you have gone through and are still going through this. It's very sad 🙁 sending hugs xx

Thank you sunisshining. I have kept emails but not cards/parcels although I have taken a photo every time something has been sent so I have a record in that respect.

Thanks for your kind thoughts, they are appreciated x

I moved house to stop their attempts to get to my dcs, with stuff sent in the post.

Thanks Starlight, moving house isn't an option for us unfortunately.

I think I remember your original thread - it was horrible and shocking.

Would you send one short message to them saying "If you send one more message or parcel to me or my children, I will immediately report your abuse and neglect to the police and ask them to open an investigation". And then do it.

But I think I agree with handsoffmysweets - they are getting off on bothering you and would probably welcome an injunction or police interview so that they can continue with their delusions. If you ignore and blank and simply throw away every single thing that comes from them without opening, it might be more effective.

Bite the bullet, ring the police, get it stopped now.
Knowing you can start 2019 stress free should spur you on op.
Your dc deserve a happier dm!!
And you deserve it more than that.
I remember your previous posts and you have been through enough.
Time to take back control.

Ahh, sorry I didn't realise I had posted so much.

It's very hard to make sense of because I've been dealing with one bit at a time, it's been hard to deal with the full picture (though the DC have been kept away from them the whole time I'm dealing with this).

I hate admitting that they scare me, but they do. I feel as though they want to erase me entirely so that they can have free access to my children. It's horrifying.

They will tell the police I am deluded, mad (I have no mental health conditions) that I don't see a proper therapist (I do).

I try not to engage at all but it is very difficult. My father emailed mne this month saying "we have not spoken for a long time, would you like to meet up?" As if nothing was wrong and there was no reason we hadn't spoken.

I still find the idea of taking action against them hard, though, stupid bloody programming :(

I'm just bumping hoping to find someone with personal experience of reporting harassment so I can get a feel of what would be involved.

why dont you block his email? report as spam to your mail provider

how do they contact you? and make accusations about you - to whom...

in my understanding Police can be good with harrassment but will need evidence of frequency/severity threat - yo ucan get non molestation orders but i think there is a lower level one that police can do locally

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/taking-action-about-discrimination/taking-action-about-harassment/

however you may just be better blocking and your dh opening the post at this time

grandparents do not have rights of access - there is nothing they can do to access your children- If they know what school your dc go to then I would advise them the dc are only to be picked up by x, y,z people ( I did this and school were fine - they cant stop somone with PR but otherwise are usually good)
its crap but you do not have to respond to them

He is blocked. They both are. They created a new email address to contact me.

They have told extended family I have a mental health problem and that's why we are estranged. I know this because I am in contact with my extended family (who have not taken sides).

Thank you re: police advice.

I don't believe you have enough grounds to contact the police based on their current actions. I would recommend getting a solicitor to write a cease and desist letter in which they will lay out that their actions are harassment, I'd they continue you will seek a court order and if they are then in breach it becomes a criminal matter which may include a custodial sentence as well as advising you will seek costs. It should run between £100 and £200 per letter per person involved (as in one to mother, one to father etc).

Could you create a new email,address for yourself which they cant access, the parcels you Can write return to sender on them or just chuck them away. I agree the police could have a quiet word with them. If they continue to upset and bother you then ask the police about a restraining order. If you're worried about school you can speak to the Head and tell them they are not to have access.

I’ve thought about a new email address but I’ve had this one for 12 years. All my online accounts are linked to it etc so it’s a pain to change it and I’d rather not have them bully me off my own email account. But it might come to that.

School isn’t a worry as they live nowhere near (hundreds of miles away) and aren’t on the school contact list.

I’m worried the police would be a whole new can of worms but this silence then reappearing does my head in.

I am certain that it’s a dominance display to try and show me that they call the shots not me.