50/50 holiday query. Please Help!

[Pizzalover123]

Hello

Im a newbie here and at my wits end. My ex and I have a 50/50 term time split with the children, with a night swap on a Thursday each week so they dont have long periods without either parent. It works, to an extent, he lives 1 minute away so its easy. The children seem to like it and thats the main thing. We are currently in HEATED dispute over holidays...

I say they need to be split 50/50 too. He comes from Australia so DEMANDS either xmas hols OR Easter hols as his "RIGHT" to take them back to visit family. I have agreed to one or the other each year, and have asked that the children have 2 of the one week half terms to make up for the 2 weeks holiday time he takes as his "right", to keep holidays 50/50.

He WILL NOT agree to this, saying that his trips to Oz with the children are a right and are not classed as holidays!! not only does he take the 2 weeks, he also takes them out of school for a week tagged on. He wants to share the other holidays 50/50 but I feel the 3 weeks in Oz should be part of the 50/50 split. This christmas he will take them away for 3 weeks, I feel I am being more than generous here, not asking for any more than 50/50 but at the same time NOT willing to give up the childrens time with me and give in to his 55/45 split request!!

We have tried mediation and got no where. Am I being un reasonable?

I do not think you are being unreasonable, no.

How many school holiday weeks are there a year? Either half that, to include his annual trip to Australia or do it year about - i.e if he takes Christmas this year, you get two weeks at Easter and then the other way around the following year.

Having said that, I cannot see that a three week trip to Australia in the school year is the best way to organise it. Surely it would be better in the summer holidays? The summer holidays are long enough not to miss school and it also means the children get enough rest at Christmas and Easter; plus in the summer you have time for holidays too. What happens when they get older and have school study and exams during the school year?

None of it is about his ‘right’. It is about the best interests of the children.

Have you taken legal advice? I appreciate this costs money but it might help. I do think you could say no to the DC being taken out of school and having no time at home during Christmas/Easter holidays to rest, and offer the summer as an alternative. I get the weather is better in Australia in our winter, but you are going to have exhausted children going back to school.

There are 13 weeks school holiday a year. I have said half each. He wants to be able to take them to Oz every year at either Xmas or Easter...His choice or which one and the one he doesnt take is shared. He wants 8 of those weeks and leave me with 6 (just short) and take a week off school tagged on.

I have suggested taking them in the summer for 3 weeks, this is "not an option" as it is winter there, and "no court" would see this as an option. I really feel that its not best for the kiddies to miss school (6 & 8) both sruggle a bit, and above all I feel its unfair to them to miss out on holidays with my husband & I abd their half brother (1) and their step brother.

I dont really know where to go, the solicitor says next step is court but im scared Ill be worse off than 50/50 ;(

Of course your ex says ‘no court’ would see winter in Australia as an option, but what does your solicitor say?

I tend to agree that if mediation has not worked, then court is the only option. Missing school when they are struggling and you having less than half the holidays seem like reasonable arguments against it, and you are offering an alternative. Is it not against the law to take children out of school?

It is a difficult situation as court is stressful and costly, but I would imagine he is hoping you will back down rather than really believing he is being reasonable.

Not unreasonable at all. It's not about what you consider counts as a holiday but the actual time frame that is holidays from school. You split those 50/50 whether it's a holiday vacation or his'right'. Whatever that bollocks is.

Are you in the UK? If he takes them for 3 weeks which includes 1 week of school time, will you be fined for removing them from school? If so when it goes to court you need to raise this issue as you don't want to be paying a fine because he chooses to take them from school.

Thanks both x

It's not only the fine - it's the long-term intention for them to take a week out of school every year just because it suits him. Is he trying to establish himself as resident parent as he seems to be trying to force yiu into a position where he has more than 50%? Lawyer, and stick to your guns. When my ex used to threaten court I used to say 'yes if you can't be reasonable then court it is'.

Not unreasonable for him to want a holiday in Oz, but I'm sure a court would either grant you more time elsewhere in lieu, or make him take them to Oz in the summer holidays (it's to see family, not to lounge on the beach).