Baby funeral advice please

[Claw001]

My sons girlfriend had a late miscarriage. They have organised a funeral, named the baby etc. However, they wanted baby to have my sons last name on headstone. Funeral director is saying this is not possible and baby has to have mum’s surname.

Any advice much appreciated.

How terribly sad. Sorry I don't know the legalities. I'm assuming the birth wasn't registered and was under 24 weeks? If over 24 weeks I believe the birth is registered in the same way as if the birth was live and the father can have his name put on the birth certificate?
I'm so sorry I'm not kore of a help

Thank you. Yes under 24 weeks, no birth or death certificate.

Funeral director is saying as the hospital paperwork has mum’s name on it, that is the surname that must be used.

Hospital are saying they cannot put my sons details onto the paperwork, as he was not the patient.

I'm so sorry to hear that. It also happened to us before DH and I were married and whilst we had no headstone, the coffin had a beautiful plaque saying Baby DHSurname. They had asked us what we wanted on it.

I've seen plenty of headstones with random nicknames on like Jock, Nan and Wullie so surely the name should be what the family requests.

Would a doubled barrelled surname be possible? I.e. Baby Mumsname Dadsname?

Use dad's name as a middle name x

** I'm sorry for your family's loss.

Would a doubled barrelled surname be possible? I.e. Baby Mumsname Dadsname?

Or the other way round if the funeral director is being difficult - I have no idea of the legalities around what can be on a headstone but there surely can't be any objection to a child having the father's name as a 'middle name'.

I was of the understanding that the plaque on the coffin had to be the correct name of the deceased (so if they are insisting that it is the mothers name, you might have to go with that), but having seen some of the headstones at our local cemetery, I’m surprised you are being told they are that prescriptive about what the headstone says (unless we have a lot of people at ours who have what I consider nicknames as actual names for example).

This has intrigued me and looking online I can't see anything that says the baby has to have the surname of its mother at all. I would shop around with other funeral directors for the headstone. Have a chat to the vicar or priest about what the rules are as many parishes have their own set of guidelines. If it is a council owned and run cemetery then speak to the council. There will be someone who deals with this stuff.

Could it perhaps be

Baby’s first name
Beloved son of her name and his name

You could go directly to the Minister of the church? It’s not the funeral directors decision on the head stone, they have to abide by individual church / cemetery restrictions so that would be the best way to get a straight answer.
Sorry for your families loss

Thank you all. They both have strong feelings about a double barrel name.

It seems like such a simple request! As there is no birth/death certificate I really cannot see the problem.

I’ve just phoned the funeral directors, to ask why exactly they can’t. I’m waiting for them to call back.

Maybe they can request that mum’s surname isn’t used and baby’s first name is X and middle name dads surname!

Lulubella - I spoke to funeral director, you were spot on, it’s the cemetery rules.

Funeral director was really helpful and made a phone call to cemetery. Best we can come up with is mum’s surname- dads surname, which can only go on headstone. It cannot go on coffin plaque or cross plaque.