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Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

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Original poster

Can I include my adopted out niece in my will?

27 replies

oppen · 07/11/2018 18:26

I’m new so please forgive me if this is the wrong section to post in.

Long story short is that my niece was put up for adoption after a long drawn out battle with social services, courts etc.

She has been with her adoption family for 4 years now and I pray to god that she ok and doing well.

After several deaths in our family (elderly members) I am now redoing our wills. My parents have changed theirs but as it is highly likely they will have passed before my niece has the option to contact us they have left it to me to include her in their estate which I will inherit should this be possible.

As there will be a total of 5 houses it’s a substantial amount and I wish her to have what is rightfully hers.

So does anyone know if I can do this or because she now has a new birth certificate - identity etc it won’t be possible? Would I have to wait and see if she wishes to find us and then make her a beneficiary? I’m just testing the waters before I head off to the solicitor if I can do this or not I will get on with changing the wills myself.

OP posts:

picklemepopcorn · 07/11/2018 18:42

There is a legal section which may be better. They will give specific advice.

Usually when children in the U.K. are adopted, some kind of indirect contact is set up. You post annual letters to a central address and they forward them on, for example. Can you find out if this is happening for your niece?

Family finder services will keep your information on file to share if your niece comes looking.

Original poster

oppen · 07/11/2018 20:04

Thank you for the reply. Could you point me in the right direction for the legal section please? I’m afraid I’m not familiar with this forum software.

Yes my sister has letterbox contact with her daughter/my niece. Unfortunately they are generic letters sent to my sister which say the same every year just the age appropriate parts changed. They even have the same spelling mistakes each year which is disappointing. This years is months late in arriving so no news at all about her.

The letters are exchanged through the adoption agency that dealt with my nieces case once the court order had been made so they do have my sisters details.

This in part is my problem as my sister is not an executor of my parents will nor of mine & my partners. I also have an aunt & uncle who are both unmarried with no children and their houses will also be part of the estate. Our 2, my parents, aunts & uncle houses are to be split between my niece & our son. Because I wasn’t granted letter box contact (only my sister) or part of the court case/social service investigation the adoption agency won’t or can’t speak to me. Then again my parents spent £30k on solicitors/barristers fighting for their granddaughter and even they were not granted letterbox contact.

So as of now they have my sisters details and that’s it which in all honesty is either here nor there as she has nothing to do with anything legal and will not be making any decision on estates or houses.

OP posts:

picklemepopcorn · 07/11/2018 22:10

Tricky.

I wondered if you could put something in your sister's letter along the lines of 'please check for messages as DC will inherit at some point'. Or even ask them to notify a solicitor (of their choice) their address, so that you can communicate through the solicitor when the the inheritance is due.

If you report your post to MN, they will move it to legal for you.
I'm on the app, and I report by swiping on the first post.

picklemepopcorn · 07/11/2018 22:11

Actually I've reported it for you. Seemed easier!

MNHQ

LilyMumsnet · 07/11/2018 22:12

We've moved this over to legal matters now.

Unicyclethief · 07/11/2018 22:17

I would not have thought you could as getting in contact will be down to her when she is an adult.

lots33 · 07/11/2018 22:23

hello i have sent you a PM.

RedHelenB · 08/11/2018 05:30

I thought legally you can leave money to anyone. I suspect the situation will be easier onice she's an adult as you say. Has your niece kept her same forename?

NotANotMan · 08/11/2018 05:51

I think you can leave money to her and make it clear in the bequest that she needs to be traced and provide as much information as possible about how to do it - probably the solicitors would write to the adoption agency who would write to the parents or the last known address.

BerylThePeril44 · 08/11/2018 06:31

My adopted daughter received an inheritance from a birth family member - who we knew nothing about! The executor of will contacted local authority who then rang us and asked if we were willing to accept money on her behalf. Then the money was transferred first to Social Services who in turn sent a cheque to us. My daughter was delighted (age 12) Not only with the money but with the act that she'd been remembered and though about by this person. It was several thousand pound. We've put it away towards her future.

picklemepopcorn · 08/11/2018 07:21

Oh Beryl, that's lovely!

Original poster

oppen · 08/11/2018 07:27

Thank you everyone for your help & replies. Pretty silly really that I didn’t think to report my thread to be moved when I’m a moderator on pretty large forum already so I should know how things work! Not used to being on the other side of the fence!

My adopted daughter received an inheritance from a birth family member - who we knew nothing about! The executor of will contacted local authority who then rang us and asked if we were willing to accept money on her behalf. Then the money was transferred first to Social Services who in turn sent a cheque to us. My daughter was delighted (age 12) Not only with the money but with the act that she'd been remembered and though about by this person. It was several thousand pound. We've put it away towards her future.

Thank you for this reply, it gives me hope that I can make this happen for my niece and she will get what is rightfully hers from her birth family.

It does worry me though that my niece as she grows up might think we wouldn’t or don’t think about her.

OP posts:

averythinline · 08/11/2018 07:39

Dont know anything about legals but thinking of your last point
It maybe worth writing your own letter every year on birthday/christmas or some sort of memory thing - maybe putting present money away each year and if she doesnt get in touch as an adult it could be specific bequest or you can give it if she does get in contact
Maybe a piece of family jewellry as well - money is one thing but having something tangible maybe nice for her ...there is an adoption board that maybe able to advise...

WerewolfNumber1 · 08/11/2018 08:18

You can leave money to whoever you want: give as much information as you can in the Will and the lawyers will trace her and pass on the money.

For example you can give her birth name, date of birth, the date of the adoption order and the name of the court which granted it.

You can also leave a letter to be passed on to her, I think it would be lovely to explain that she has an extended birth family who wanted to keep her, always thought of her and wish her well.

Original poster

oppen · 08/11/2018 09:15

Yes we are already doing that. I write a Birthday & Christmas card each year and present money goes into a bank account that my mum set up when she was born. If my parents make a big purchase for our son an equal amount goes in to her account too. Also when the adoption order was made and we knew she wouldn’t be able to rejoin our family I had to sell her pony that we had bought for her so that went in to the account too. Plus several items of jewellery have been set aside for her from my grandmas who have since passed. All in all it should be a nice little nest egg to set her up in the future be it she wishes to contact us or not.

I will certainly check out the adoption board, thank you.

OP posts:

TeenTimesTwo · 09/11/2018 11:41

Oh wow. I'm an adopter and although what you are doing is lovely, I am sat here feeling somewhat ambivalent about it.

I agree with Werewolf in that if you give details of the adoption she should be traceable as needed.

However as an adopter I would be extremely unhappy if my DC were to inherit a what sounds like sizeable sum from anyone at the age of 18/21. Adopted children have de facto been through a lot and can be quite emotionally fragile. The last thing they may need is to be given a de-stabilising amount of money when on the cusp of adulthood. Had this happened to my 19yo it would have screwed her up. So I would personally strongly urge you to keep the money tied up until the age of 25 (with proviso maybe that solicitor and adoptive parents can release earlier).

Also you need to not make it feel like any kind of emotional blackmail for contact.

TeenTimesTwo · 09/11/2018 11:44

So £1k lovely, can go towards a car or whatever.

£10k to make them think they have enough to move out / get married / have a baby - not so lovely.

Collaborate · 09/11/2018 11:46

I'd suggest leaving the niece's share in a discretionary trust with perhaps her being entitled to it absolutely at age 25. You are unlikely to find out any details of your niece's life, and taking in to account the quite proper concerns expressed by @TeenTimesTwo the trustees could perhaps liaise with the adoptive parents and assess what is best for the child. In fact it may be best if the adoptive parent becomes a co-trustee.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 09/11/2018 11:52

Agree about 18/21 being a bit young. We talked about this with financial advisors as with life insurances etc there would be quite a bit if we died - we are setting up a trust until they are 25, it does use up a bit of money as we aren't totally loaded, but it means that they could access money for education / deposits etc early on, but not blow it all. It's worth finding a reliable person to set this up with, 5 houses is a considerable inheritance, especially when you don't know her temperament / any additional challenges she might face etc - or what her parents are like.
I'm not sure how it works with inheritance in this country, but family overseas let the children have half at 21 and half at 35 on the basis that if they have a crappy divorce they don't lose their inheritance too! We don't have enough to make splitting it worth it.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 09/11/2018 11:53

Ah - crows posted with Collaborate

Original poster

oppen · 09/11/2018 18:05

Thank you for the replies. Yes after speaking with others on the adoption board I have taken the decision not to leave anything at all. It is the best option all around. Whilst my threads here were just to put the feelers out for information before going to the solicitor they have been extremely helpful in finding out more information from the adoptive families point of view which I would not get from a solicitor.
I can’t take the risk of it being detrimental because I don’t know enough information about her or her family to make that decision.

I see the points made and so as not to cause emotional harm or distress to her or her family I will just leave things as they are and not make any changes.

Thank you everyone for the help & insight.

OP posts:

Stuckforthefourthtime · 09/11/2018 21:16

It's interesting if the people on the adoption board felt it was inappropriate to leave anything, even if it was in trust until adulthood - I wonder if adults who were adopted as children would agree? Was this all about them or a bit about the adoptive families too?

I'd imagine most of us would be fairly gutted if they could have inherited a share of 5 houses and then didn't, it could immeasurably improve someone's life.

In any case, you sound very caring and I hope that all works out well for you.

Original poster

oppen · 10/11/2018 07:17

I agree that it could immeasurably improve my nieces life but on the flip side of the coin it could also immeasurably upset her life. Not only hers but her families too. I don’t know what kind of things she is being taught regarding money. What kind of personality she has. Could she be reckless with the money. Could it cause a rift with any siblings she may have. Cause issues with her adoptive parents. What if it causes her to be out of control. Be she 18/25 or 35.
I just don’t know and I can’t take that risk looking at it in a logical way using my head rather than my heart. She was adopted so as not to be at “risk” and by bequesting anything I’m creating a risk which is wrong.

Also if she does wish to find us in the future nothing can then be misconstrued as trying to buy contact with her or her feeling that she has to make contact.

Yes I’m sure should an adopted adult who knew about it would be disappointed but I will not be taking this further so it will remain just in our family. Our son has his head on the right way, saves well and knows his direction/career in life so I’m sure everything will work out in the end.

OP posts:

RedHelenB · 10/11/2018 09:04

I disagree. Being adopted doesn't mean you automatically have a great life. Leaving her money could be a ticket to going to uni or starting her own life away from her new family. If they are a good family she's been opted into they will help her use it wisely. Money should be left in the will for her.

ThereGoesTheAlarm · 10/11/2018 09:13

Seems a disappointing outcome OP.

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