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Legal matters

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Original poster

Just bought a house - husband wants to separate

17 replies

MachaMor · 26/10/2018 09:20

My husband and I have just bought our first home. We live with our DS. My husband has said he wants to separate and divorce.

We've only lived here for 1 month so haven't even made our first mortgage payment. No equity at all. I would like to remain in the house with our DS. What will happen next? If he wants 50%? We/he have no savings.

OP posts:

Collaborate · 26/10/2018 10:06

Busy day at work so I'll keep it brief.

One of you issues divorce petition.
You talk and try and reach a financial agreement. You either talk at home or with a mediator.
If that doesn't work you'll have to get the solicitors negotiating.
If that doesn't work you'll have to ask the court to intervene.
All the time you need legal advice to make sure you are neither selling yourself sure or harbouring unrealistic expectations.

DelphiniumBlue · 26/10/2018 10:14

Sorry, that must be a shock.
How is H proposing to deal with finances?
You need legal advice, and clarity as to income and assets, including any savings/ pensions, and taking into account your current and future earnings potential and childcare costs.
You don't say if you can actually afford to stay in house, or if you are currently earning.
Would getting a lodger help?

Weenurse · 26/10/2018 10:15

Buying and moving house is very high on the stress meter.
Maybe suggest some counseling.

Original poster

MachaMor · 26/10/2018 10:17

I can afford the mortgage alone at the moment but would have to start paying childcare or find a WFH job (which my husband has PT, which is why we don't pay childcare). So that would obviously affect affordability and if I got a WFH job it would be self employment which again would affect it. He doesn't want to stay in this house.

OP posts:

Awaytome · 26/10/2018 11:11

What a shock to get. You'd think he wouldn't have gone through with buying the house. What is his reasoning for leaving?

Original poster

MachaMor · 26/10/2018 11:17

Hates the house and area, says I've ruined our lives by making us move here (I didn't but he is adamant I forced him into buying the house. His general nature is leaving anything practical or administrative to me and we talked about it all endlessly), he hates his life and hates me. He won't get any sort of mental help, says I'm the problem not him.

This could all pass but frankly I am sick of it. I do wish we hadn't bought this house however.

OP posts:

C0untDucku1a · 26/10/2018 11:19

Whats the issue with the house and area?

If he works part time why do you need to pay childcare? Id be using his maintenance to pay for childcare you need and he does the rest.

Thebluedog · 26/10/2018 11:26

If you’ve got no equity then he can have 50% of fuck all.

If you can afford it by yourself get him to move out and change the name in the mortgage to you alone.

Original poster

MachaMor · 26/10/2018 11:37

Nothing wrong with the house, it's a nice house. The area is suburbia which he hates. He wants to move back to his home city which means he wouldn't be able to do childcare during the day and would need a full time job to support himself.

I have never understood that about deposits - if you sell it, and get the same amount back, does that mean you get what you put in as a deposit back and the bank gets the rest to pay off the mortgage? Or does the payment include interest?

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 26/10/2018 11:44

So he has to start applying for jobs before he can even leave?

Would he earn enough to pay child maintenance and out weight the cost of childcare? It is both your responsibility. He doesn't get to fuck off out of it and not pay his share. His responsibilities stay, irrelevant of where he lives, and that includes custody and providing for his child.

Thebluedog · 26/10/2018 13:56

Depending on how much you earn you might be entitled to up to 70% back from your childcare costs. Plus you should also get child maintenance from your dh (depending on how much he earns)

RamblinRosie · 27/10/2018 00:06

If you sell, you will have to pay Estate Agent fees, solicitor ‘s fees, ,the early termination fee for the mortgage, and of course, mortgage itself.

Unless you put down a substantial deposit, you will almost certainly find yourselves in considerable debt.

I would do some research to find out what the house is worth (if it’s a new build, it’s probably worth less than you paid for it). EA fees will be at the very least 1% of the sale price. The mortgage redemption fees will be listed in your documentation, this early into your mortgage they are likely to be substantial.

Maybe once your H realises the situation, he’ll reconsider his position.

Xenia · 27/10/2018 21:08

Yes, I am afraid if you sell you may find you owe more than before you bought the house. The early repayment of the mortgage alone might come with a £10,000 penalty to be paid in some cases if you sell within 5 years.

I think you should go slowly. He might change his mind once he gets used to suburbia. Could you both go to counselling for a start rather than him rushing to a divorce?

You should probably pay to see a solicitor for an hour's advice just to get some initial advice eg what will happen about the house will depend on what you each earn. One of you might have large pension pot. One might earn 5x what the other does. he might want residence of the child and that kind of thing

MissedTheBoatAgain · 29/10/2018 05:13

The area is suburbia which he hates

Get the impression that the house, as opposed to the marriage, is what he does not want. However, if he was not happy with the location why did he agree to go ahead and buy the house?

Some people are home pigeons and never comfortable when away from their home towns. When he realizes how much you both stand to lose by selling house soon after buying he might re-consider?

Good luck.

Authenticcelestialmusic · 29/10/2018 06:50

How much deposit did you put down? When you sell the house you repay the mortgage as it stands that day, interest is (usually) daily- so no you dont add interest (except for what is owed since your last mortgage payment.

If you look at your mortgage offer you will see all the numbers. Go back to your mortgage broker, a good one will have seen this before and will talk you through your options financially.

Authenticcelestialmusic · 29/10/2018 06:53

So for example bought house for 110k deposit 10k means you borrowed 100k. Early repayment charge could be anything from 3k to 5k typically depending on lender and product. But then there are solicitor and estate agency fees.

How much deposit did you put down?

Sohardtochooseausername · 29/10/2018 06:57

If you like the house and the location and can afford the mortgage it would make sense to try and stay where you are. You shouldn’t have to buy him out straight away - and if there’s no equity there’s nothing to split.

Does he care about DS? If he goes home he won’t see DS as much. It sounds like you could use counselling or mediation to explore your options and think what’s the best way forward for your son.

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