Will for baby in the event of parents death question?

[SnuggyBuggy]

Not my finest thread title. I was arguing about this with in laws, we are looking at doing a proper will for DD, they think we should also designate someone who she would go to in the event of our deaths.

I thought that this wasn't legally enforceable and that family court would always prioritize the best interests of the child over the wishes of the parents. I mean we have some really wacky friends we could designate but surely it would be overruled.

It's tricky as she has 4 grandparents but obviously health and circumstances can change so I wouldn't know who to pick anyway if the worst was to happen.

We did this last year. If anything was to happen to both of us or if one died and one was severely hurt/disabled my DH DSis would have custody of DS. We had a will in place anyway so just saw the solicitor and added it in (so to speak)

You are right. It can't be binding but v sensible to have stated your wishes.
When older dds were small we had one sibling to provide care,another as a trustee to oversee finances (e.g. happy for funds to used for larger family home but trusted other sibling to make sure it was returned).
Circs change and now DD3 would be cared for by her big sisters. Our siblings are now at retirement age so not feasible to provide care.
It does give peace of mind. Esp if there are people you don't want!

In our case there isn't anyone we desperately don't want but I think me and DH have different opinions on who we would want. I'd rather leave it to family courts rather myself as I imagine the ideal person will change over the next 18 years anyway.

my PILs are business people and are never home. All my DB/DSis have family’s of their own and only one of them is financially stable and my DDad works away so DSil was the logical choice for us. We spoke with everyone else before hand and told them our reasons and decisions and everyone knows if anything was to happen then they wouldn’t take it trough family court to carry on our wishes.
I do think it’s bad how you can put something in place and then it’s over ruled when your not here

We’ve included who we would prefer in our will but indeed it can be overruled by the courts. The biggest risk we have is that none of our family live nearby and if the courts prioritise the children being settled at school and with a friendship group there is no-one that can do that so afraid they’d end up in care. I hope our nominated person would fight that tooth and nail if they needed to.

It depends what you put in place. I mean some people should be overruled and parents don't always make good decisions.

Right now I think my parents are better placed as they have space, reasonable health and don't do many holidays. A few years down the line though it could be a sibling who has become more established with a job and home.

I think the reason it can be overruled is because the will could be horribly outdated and the people chosen may not be in those children’s lives anymore.

This was the case for us until a month ago but we’ve just updated our will.

We have nominated dh’s brother and sister as joint guardians for ds in our will and they are named as joint trustees of the trust which would be set up for ds in the event of our deaths. Yes a court could over rule our wishes but both are in stable relationships with kids of similar ages to ds so no reason to think that it would happened if the worst happened to us.

Stitching we were in the same position. When DS was a baby we chose someone who we saw quite regularly, similar aged child.

Now, due to various circumstances we don't see them as regularly, and if anything should happen to us now, DS would have to move area, school, friends. We have now updated our will and changed the guardian to someone who would be willing to move into our house and look after DS.

Where would the child live whilst it was all being sorted out in court?

Wishes in a will may not be binding, but if the person is unsuitable, they will be followed . So yes, I think you should nominate your preference, or two preferences to be determined between in light of their circumstances at time of death.

If you leave it to the courts, in practice whoever grabs DC first (so they live with them in the interim) well end up as guardian (unless evened unsuitable) as it's very unlikely that a newly bereaved child will be moved again unless there was an absolutely compelling reason.

So if you nominate no-one, you are actually giving your DC by default to whoever is nearest and fastest off the mark.

Would they really prioritize the child living in the same area in care over going to a good home with extended family elsewhere? I thought outcomes for children in care were so bad it was a last resort.

At this moment I think my parents, probably with some hired help would be best.

I would have thought they would prioritise family over care, wherever possible, especially if DC are close to family.