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Legal matters

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Original poster

Child maintenance advice please?

16 replies

Roysten123 · 25/10/2018 19:24

I currently pay £620 a month in CM to my ex partner. This is based on me having my 2 children 1-2 nights a week. I changed jobs a few months ago which now means we have 50/50 shared care. I am aware that this means I no longer have to pay anything in child maintenance. This will have a big impact on my ex’s monthly income. So my priority now is to make sure my 2 boys have everything that they need so want to try and be as fair as poss for their sake. So I’d like to get an idea of how best to deal with this. I know that I am only expected to cover half the costs for the children but this will impact negatively on them as I know my ex will struggle to cover her half. I would be happy to pay for everything they need. Essentials such as clothes, shoes/trainers, school uniform/equipment/trips etc but this would likely require more contact than is necessary with my ex (we are not on good terms). The alternative is that I come up with a fair figure to give her each month that covers what the children need. Or a smaller figure and then agree to go halves on everything. I’d really like to get some opinions on this one??

OP posts:

wonderandwander · 25/10/2018 19:31

If you are having them 50-50, why don’t you suggest that you pay for everything school related?

Was no spousal maintenance agreed?

wonderandwander · 25/10/2018 19:31

This could be opportunity for relationship to improve?

SandysMam · 25/10/2018 19:34

Can you afford to pay £620 a month AND have them 50/50? If you can, just keep paying it it’s easier.

bastardkitty · 25/10/2018 19:36

Why does your change of job now mean you have 50/50 shared care?

Original poster

Roysten123 · 25/10/2018 20:39

We were never married.

To be honest I’m not concerned about making the peace at the moment. That’s a long story tho.

My ex has been asking me for more money on occasion say she cannot afford to pay for everything yet she has spent 100’s on new clothes the last few months and is out partying with her friends every weekend. Also we had a lease car that ended a few months ago costing £180 a month. I expected her to downsize to save money but instead got a bigger car costing nearly £300 a month. I don’t mean to sound bitter but if I feel like she needs to help herself out financially before asking me. She works partime and receives the usual benefits so I feel she should be learning to live within her means.

So I’m not prepared to pay the £620 and have 50/50 care. I just want to make sure the boys have everything.

OP posts:

Original poster

Roysten123 · 25/10/2018 20:40

My new jobs means I am able to work from home a couple of days a week so can do school runs/have them overnight more.

OP posts:

MNHQ

AnyaaaaaaaaaaaarghMumsnet · 26/10/2018 09:59

Hi there OP,

We hope you don't mind, we're going to move this thread to Legal Matters where we think you'll get more support.

redwineandcrisps · 26/10/2018 10:03

Hi, didn’t you have a thread on this already? Think the general consensus was that the legal point of view and the moral point of view about what you should contribute were very different things, and the children would suffer by you reducing their maintenance payment to their mum.

I’m assuming you are back because you want people to justify you not paying their mum anything any more? Hadn’t she just taken out a mortgage based on your maintenance as well? She’s not aware of you looking to reduce / cut this money to her is she?

redwineandcrisps · 26/10/2018 10:04

Ah yup, found your old thread from a few days ago here

Collaborate · 26/10/2018 10:10

The first thing I'd do if I were you is notify CMS of the shared care position (is there a court order?).

Then I'd make it clear to your ex that you were willing to consider regular voluntary contributions but you need her to present you with her budget and you would then make a decision based on what you think is fair and reasonable and meets the children's needs.

RandomMess · 26/10/2018 10:48

I think the fair thing to do would be to offer to pay for all school uniform, non school clothing plus their activities and pocket money also presents for birthday parties etc...

Basically leaving your ex to pay for food and housing them etc.

You need to be realistic and step up to do Drs, dentists and so on as well. Also you'll have to take them shopping to buy all this stuff...!

5Makes9 · 26/10/2018 15:18

For me it would depend on why she’s short.
Poor money management, no I wouldn’t be paying for that.
Low income because she works part time or gave up her career for the kids, I would help out.
Can’t she work more if you’re having the kids more?

flirtygirl · 27/10/2018 11:00

She needs an email outlining your offers then you can discuss it back and forth over email to decide the most fair for both sides.

She should be learning money management or more expensive car etc and you should not need to pay towards that.

However if having your kids affected her career and jobs prospects and that the 50 % shared care is only a recent thing then you need to be fair and factor this in too.

flirtygirl · 28/10/2018 11:24

And will probably name change now as my post is probably identifying.

flirtygirl · 28/10/2018 14:33

Nope above message was for a different thread

MissedTheBoatAgain · 29/10/2018 00:57

Can’t she work more if you’re having the kids more?

That's a good question as OP's first post stated Ex works part time.

Collaborate's suggestion of Ex providing a budget is a good idea, but I would not be surprised if it never appeared. Sounds like the Ex does not understand the concept of budget and living within means. The OP's statement;

Also we had a lease car that ended a few months ago costing £180 a month. I expected her to downsize to save money but instead got a bigger car costing nearly £300 a month

is a bit of a giveaway.

Flip