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Legal matters

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Original poster

My daughter father has taken my daughter and is trying to get custody.

8 replies

Yaboos · 11/10/2018 19:03

Where do I start?

My DhD is 11 years old and I have been her main caregiver for the past 11 years. Myself and her father have had informal arrangements for contact and he has her every sunday and every other weekend. Just before the summer holidays at the end of July, he dropped my daughter home and told me my daughter wanted to live with him and he had filed papers. An argument ensued and he got verbaly aggressive and told me he was taking her. I tried to push him out of the way to get to my daughter but he prevented me and left. I thought it best not to follow and cause undue stress to my dd. The next day police turned up, he told them I assualted him. Completely untrue.

Went to court in August, he told them I was emotionally and psychologically abusive to my DD, and a plehtora of other lies. 3 months have passed and I have if I am lucky 2 hours a week with my daughter as he is insisting it is up to her. As you can imagine this is heart breaking and an extreme amount of responsibility being put on my DD. He lives quite a distance from me, so she has to be dropped off to his family members so she can attend high school. He is going for full custody and for him to change her school. As he lives such a distance from me, this would make it impossible for me to be involved in my DD day to day, her schooling, and would be the death of our relationship. What I need to know is, will he win? I just want my baby home she is all I care about.

OP posts:

prh47bridge · 11/10/2018 20:06

I'm afraid no-one can give you a definite answer to your question. The court will be primarily concerned with determining what is best for your daughter. Her views will be taken into account but will not necessarily be decisive.

Original poster

Yaboos · 11/10/2018 20:12

Thank you. I understand perhaps no definitive answer may be given, I suppose I was hoping for others stories or experiences of similar circumstances and some hope that sense will prevail in the court system.

OP posts:

RedHelenB · 15/10/2018 16:17

Surely if there has been no abuse she will tell CAFCASS she wants to live with you and stay at the school with all her friends. Most kids in this situaion would so try not to worry as 11 year olds are deemed old enough to have their wishes heard.

SputnikBear · 15/10/2018 16:22

Does your DD want to live with him? An 11yo is old enough to be distraught about being removed from her home and capable of coming home of her own accord if she really wants to. The fact she hasn’t suggests she doesn’t want to?

DaisysStew · 15/10/2018 16:53

Why is your DD only wanting 2 hours a week contact with you? Did something happen prior to her moving in with her Dad?

At 11 the Court will take your DDs opinion into account and if she’s stating that she wants to live with him then that’s what will happen.

prh47bridge · 15/10/2018 17:33

At 11 the Court will take your DDs opinion into account and if she’s stating that she wants to live with him then that’s what will happen

Not necessarily. Her views will be taken into account. That doesn't mean her views will be decisive. Even if she is saying she wants to live with her father the court may still order that she should live with her mother.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 15/10/2018 17:40

Even if she is saying she wants to live with her father the court may still order that she should live with her mother.

I would imagine that at 11 she is more than capable of deciding who she wants to live with. The fact is her father is able to care for her and she has a good relationship with him. Have you spoken to her about why she wants to live with him or are you assuming it is him saying that is what she wants?

I would be surprised if the court decided to ignore her opinion on the matter, especially if there is no reason to suggest he wouldn't provide a safe and loving home?

prh47bridge · 15/10/2018 18:11

I would imagine that at 11 she is more than capable of deciding who she wants to live with

It is nonetheless the case that, whilst her views are likely to carry some weight, they will not necessarily be decisive. It may be that in this case the court will decide to go with her views. It may equally be that there is evidence of parental alienation - that the father is deliberately turning his daughter against the OP - or that she is too immature for her views to carry much weight.

It simply is not possible to say definitively what is going to happen in this case from the information on this thread. Just because she is 11 and, according to her father, she wants to live with him does not mean he will definitely win.

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