If children miss contact due to illness....

[scaredofex]

Do I have to offer an alternative day to make up for what they have missed? I do offer but don't know I'm I'm obliged to. For example they missed contact due to illness so I offered an alternative day, ex couldn't do that day so insisted on a different day. How much do I have to accommodate him?

Offer the court ordered days, unless specified you don't have to offer anything else.
Being too accommodating to an ex will give him scope to always expect. Then when you don't deliver the abuse begins.
Court order to the letter.

Thanks. I'm always reluctant to offer any extra. The court order doesn't say I have to offer an alternative but if they are ill on his days he applies for enforcement orders as he says I've breached the order. He's applied for an enforcement order three tines now. Or four. I've lost count. I've never been given an enforcement order though.

I am the same mindset as you scaredofex BUT Aprilslonggone is correct. I need to stick to the court order. My ex has asked for an alternative date as he is going on holiday again during a contact weekend. Cheeky sod.

Are you in a safe place in order to say no and keep to the court order? Your usernam makes me ask this.

No, I'm scared of them not going if ill even if throwing up as he kicks off. Literally kicked off once and came to the house demanding he have contact. Police were called. He says I am lying about them being ill to prevent them seeing him so I have to take them to the GP every time.

What does he say if you still make DC available even when (s)he is sick? If you call him in the morning and say: Just to let you know, DC is off school today - he has D&V and has been sick three times since waking up. He will be ready as usual for you to pick him up to care for him as usual, but you might like to bring a bucket in the car.

Contact is for shared parenting, not for fun times only. ExH is still a parent, even when DC is sick. Your court order says you need to make DC available. If ExH chooses not to avail himself of that availability, that is his choice. As a loving parent who only wants the best for his DC, he is surely just as capable of being vomited over as you are :). Of course, your DC may well prefer on those occasions not to be turfed out of one bed for another, but your ExH cannot say that you haven't held up your side of the bargain...

I would step back and let the other parent do suck duty - same with work days missed - take turns in having days off with sick child

Funnily enough there is never any offer of shared parenting if sick. If he insists on having them he will still make them go to their after school activities and not allow them to rest, doesn't give them medication and argues about diagnoses. He has several other children in his household so anything infectious is a no go for him. It's only a few hours after school but if not in school then they aren't well enough for swimming club or karate or whatever in my opinion and they need rest. If they go to his they end up off school for longer as not allowed to be ill and are forced into carrying on as normal. Barrister said to use common sense but their dad is sadly lacking in that!

You can't force a parent into parenting, but you are doing your bit in making DC available. As the court is clearly telling him with their lack of enforcement notices, he can't decline contact at the agreed times and then claim woe is me. Well, he can, but you don't have to pander to him. The DC are children needing a caring parent - even more so when they are sick, not performing monkeys to be wheeled out for his entertainment.

Be careful if the children are ill too much on contact it coukd been seen as attempted alienation as it is a well known ploy simply because its easy for the RP to say they are too ill for contact they do NOT have too offer another time to make up time.

I am not saying it is the case but if your children are constantly sick on his contact days and you are unwilling to offer other days which is your right courts are now taking note of this and are hotter on paternal alienation.

worridmum that's why I always do offer an alternative but I was wondering if I actually have to.
They are due to go to his this weekend so will see if he still wants them to go seeing as one is still vomiting.
He once took me to court for breaching due to illness and I had one child off that day with a sickness bug. He was due to have them the next day but said no thanks I don't want the other children getting it! He uses court as a punitive action against me. He's not interested in the children.

Just to let you know, DC is off school today - he has D&V and has been sick three times since waking up. He will be ready as usual for you to pick him up to care for him as usual, but you might like to bring a bucket in the car.

This is a good idea as you then have it in writing. Perhaps you could go one step further and send him an end-of-month email each month detailing what contact did/did not take place.

Eg - Nov 2018
Thurs 1/11 - contact as agreed 3.45-8.00
Fri 2/11 - contact made available but refused as per text message
Thurs 8/11 - contact as agreed 3.45-8.00
Fri 9/11 - contact as agreed 3.45-8.00
Thurs 15/11 - contact made available but refused as per text message
Fri 16/11 - contact made available but refused as per text message

You get my drift...

Put everything in writing. If he verbally says something to you - make sure you document it right back to him.

You're not doing anything wrong if you are making the children avaialble when they are supposed to be and he's refusing because they are ill. Surely in that case he is in breach of the order. You shouldn't offer an alternative. The more times he takes you back to court the weaker his case becomes. At some point you would have a case against him for taking you to court so many times without grounds. Have you spoken to your solicitor about this? If he's trying to control and punish you he will keep doing this as long as he thinks he's having an impact.

You do need to make sure they are genuinely too ill for contact and you aren't being over protective though.

XenakisCarter he doesn't have any verbal contact with me. He is blocked and I now use a third party for email communication and everything is copied to my solicitor. Unless there's an emergency. He's abusive in communication so I had to put a stop to it.

He refuses to give them prescribed medication, argues about their diagnoses and doesn't take them to GP appointments I've made. They both have a long term condition but both he and his girlfriend tell them they haven't and won't give them their medication because they say they don't need it.

Everything is always documented.

As expected I've been accused of fabricating their infections despite a GP diagnosis, prescriptions, and two trips to the GP this week along with them not being in school. He beggars belief. He doesn't understand the concept of illness and rest and not wanting to go doing loads of activities when you feel like shit. I'm so angry.