Is ex entitled to know DCs having counselling?

[Cantseefortrees]

That's it in a nutshell.

Ex does not see the children and has not for a period of years.

He has recently been in contact with a view to restarting contact with them. They currently don't want contact for reasons which are fair enough. Ex disagrees.

I have arranged for the DCs to see a counsellor. Do I need to tell him and give him their details?

How old are they?

I don't know the legalities and a lot will depend on what legal jurisdiction you live in and whether he has parental responsibility.

In your position though, I'd first decide what I felt was in the best interests of the children and do that. I don't see how an absent parent knowing they are having counselling and the contact details of the counsellor are in their interests. If he feels he has a legal right he can always go to court to enforce it.

I think you need both parents' permission. This happened to me. My ex refused to let dc have counselling and so it couldn't happen

DCs are 15, 13 and 12. And we are in England and he does have PR.

Just arrange the counselling. The counsellor is responsible for the ethics of disclosure not you.

My DD had counselling without exH knowledge and she did not want him to know (it was about him). I can’t see where the issue is particularly as he has been limited contact for awhile.

The kids needs trump anything parents want

Tbh I find it best to ensure I do whay i have to with him legally else all he'll breaks loose.

I can't find a definitive answer on Google. I know PR gives him to right to consent to medical treatment but I don't know if he can stop counselling if I consent to it or if it even is a medical treatment and if I have to tell him

It isn't a straightforward question!

You share PR with your ex, and therefore you should tell him and consult about major exercises of PR, such as change of school, religion, and, arguably, counselling.

However, you children may have reached an age and stage of development at which they are competent to make decisions like this for themselves. Your 15 year old almost certainly is competent, the younger two possibly. Do they want their dad to know about counselling? If they don't, and they are competent, they have the right to decide this for themselves.

It's a tricky area, tbh.

The counsellor, incidentally, should also respect their confidences, visa a visa both parents, if they wish.

DS had emergency assessment with CAMHS, and said he didn't want his dad to know or be contacted. They said fine and put a note on his file. He's 15.

DD also has MH issues (guess where from?) and doesn't tell her dad or want him to know anything. Luckily she's 19 now.

At the ages your children are, even you would not necessarily be entitled to know about their medical care, if they are deemed to be Fraser competent. No idea if counselling counts as 'medical', but either way, it's really up to the counsellor to decide if it is necessary and/or appropriate for both you and your ex to be made aware of their treatment. Tbh, I'm not a lawyer but I can't see why they would say it was essential that your ex be given details, given all of the circumstances?