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Original poster

Fathers rights

18 replies

Mimi2018 · 06/10/2018 21:46

Hello

I have a 4month year old and my partner (the dad) and I do not have a good relationship he constantly threatens me that he will take me to court for his daughter and this always makes me feel so anxious these threats..

Me and him are not married.

How do I handle these threats he keeps throwing at me? Is this him just trying to scare me and me falling for it?

If not what are his rights to my daughter as I am her mother who does everything for her with no help from him he never checks on her when I'm staying at my mums for weeks and weeks and only bothers when it suits him whilst he's living his single life and I'm doing all the hard work and whilst he emotionally abuses me - if he does take it to court what is the most or if any would the courts hang him?

Thanks

OP posts:
prh47bridge · 06/10/2018 23:25

He has no rights. Your daughter has rights.

It is highly unlikely he would be able to get an order forcing your daughter to live with him. He would probably get regular contact but that is all.

Original poster
Mimi2018 · 07/10/2018 08:34

Thank you for your reply!

To be honest I don't even want him to have regular contact with her as he does not deserve it!

Obviously I'm sure you can understand my little baby is so precious to me and I can't bare the thought of handing her over even for a bit esp to him and his family (horrible in laws) I hate the thought of me not knowing and seeing if my daughter is ok even I'm a short space of time..

If courts do give him contact would it be regular meaning everyday?? And for how long?

I was told that it will be supervised his visits and on my terms? Is this true if so this makes me feel more at ease??

Thanks

OP posts:
Collaborate · 07/10/2018 08:53

Unless there is a huge back story here you need to take a step back and recognise you're not going to get the control you seek. Little and often is usually the level of contact with a baby. No overnights, but there has to be a particular need for supervision, which you haven't spelled out in this thread.

Original poster
Mimi2018 · 07/10/2018 13:20

Other half is very abusive to me mentally and emotionally this has been the case for years and is still continuing even with the arrival of LO it's just the other day he smashed my phone completely!

He's very controlling and manipulative and I just don't want this to rub off on my daughter..

He seems to think that him and his family have more right over my daughter than I do (the woman that held LO for 9 months and gave birth to her)

OP posts:
VimFuego101 · 07/10/2018 13:24

I would address his behaviour first. If he is harassing you, speak to the police. If needed, block his number and get a different phone/ email address that he should use only for discussing your child - not for harassing you.

It's likely that a court would allow him regular contact. So think about what would work best for your baby's routine (could someone supervise him at your house) and propose that to him in writing. If there is nobody who could supervise or you're not comfortable having him at your home then perhaps a contact centre would be the way forward.

superflow · 07/10/2018 13:27

Why did you have a baby with him

Collaborate · 07/10/2018 14:17

Why did you have a baby with him

Not helpful at all. FFS why do people come on Legal and spout this shit?

FoofFighter · 07/10/2018 14:35

Have you contacted police to get it recorded that he is being violent? If not do so.

A court will likely not just take your word for it without proof that such things are happening and contact will go ahead.

Original poster
Mimi2018 · 07/10/2018 15:34

The only arrangement I would be happy with is him seeing her once or twice a week where I am present wherever that may be..

I have a lot of doctors records about how he's made me feel really depressed and anxious and his emotional abuse my health visitor and midwife also know how he emotionally upsets me all the time.. but I don't have any police records as I really don't want things to escalate etc that's what I'm worried would happen as I don't need the extra stress?

He keeps threatening me of courts etc during arguments but I don't know if that's just to scare me but I guess it's good to know my rights..

OP posts:
Original poster
Mimi2018 · 07/10/2018 15:35

Thanks collaborate

OP posts:
Starlight345 · 07/10/2018 15:40

You do need to escalate. At this point it is just hear say.

If it ever gets to court you need evidence . Particulary anything that happens in the presence of your dc.

newhousenewstart · 07/10/2018 15:43

Please please stop any dialogue with this man. Do not have any form of contact. Block him on fb etc. Do not answer the door to him. Just quietly let him go to court for contact with his child. If he's violent which it certainly sounds like you will not have to agree to mediation but take advise on that. Atm he's feeling powerful by scaring you senseless. Your daughter has a right to a relationship with both parents. However it may be that once you stop contact with him he will lose interest in contact with your baby

twattymctwatterson · 07/10/2018 15:54

Courts will give him regular access and you won't be able to dictate that you're there. Tbh I would imagine that a judge will question you wanting to be present given the history of emotional abuse. Your post does sound a bit like you're using your DD to punish him stating he "doesn't deserve" regular contact. He sounds awful but the courts are very unlikely to deny him contact unless there's evidence he'll be a danger to her and will frown on you trying to alienate her

DancingDot · 07/10/2018 16:00

To be honest I don't even want him to have regular contact with her as he does not deserve it! Thankfully courts do not really take into consideration what each parent deserves and looks instead at what the child deserves - and that is usually access to both of their parents.

If you have serious concerns that he is a risk to your child you will have to escalate your complaints to the police. Courts will not listen to "he said/she said" stuff and will instead look at any actual evidence of fitness to parent.

Original poster
Mimi2018 · 07/10/2018 16:39

Thanks all..

From anyone's experience how regular is regular?

How often will the courts allow him to see my daughter I.e hours and days?

Also would this be in his house with his family?

OP posts:
MissedTheBoatAgain · 08/10/2018 02:57

Not helpful at all. FFS why do people come on Legal and spout this shit?

Hahaha. Correct all the way. Child has been born. What happens going forward was OP's question.

Fontofnoknowledge · 09/10/2018 06:56

Is the father even named on the BIrth Certificate?

AuntieStella · 09/10/2018 07:05

"He seems to think that him and his family have more right over my daughter than I do"

You need to stop thinking in terms of rights. Because it's not going to help. If you are in England, you don't really have any, other than the right to make such decisions which allow you to discharge your responsibilities to your DC (such as the ight to consent to their medical treatment, or to choose their education).

As others said, the one with rights here is your DC, and the right to a relationship with both parents is an important one.

You're not married - is he on the birth certificate?

Unless there is a reason why contact with him is unsafe, then it will take place wherever her father chooses, and with whoever he wants present. Just as you can go where you you want and wet who you like in your time.

With a tiny baby, little and often is probably the best way. Has he actually proposed a contact schedule?

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