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Reasonable access for 6 month old

5 replies

Misswhitman · 29/09/2018 14:54

My DS is 6 months old and my ex and I split 2 months ago. He admitted to using cocaine on a night out and I asked him to leave (as well as making social services aware so that they didn't believe me complicit). My son is breastfed and has never spent time away from me. He won't take formula and as he's demand fed I get nothing when I pump. I have also just discovered I am pregnant again (my ex gave it the waffle about getting help etc., spent a night together and bam baby number 2!) At the moment he shows up whenever he feels like it, without notice, stays for 30 minutes, refuses to muck in with anything other than playtime and if something better comes along (like the football) he cuts visits short, all the while moaning because I kicked him out and he doesn't get to be with his son 🙄🙄 I've said he can't have unsupervised access until he passes a drugs test, which he hasn't bothered pursuing (suits me). When he comes over he often insults me by saying it's not that hard to look after a baby, I spend all day sitting on my arse, I'm lucky I don't have to work etc. I find being around him infuriating and stressful. I was wondering what reasonable access would be granted to him, what everyone else's arrangements are and if I'm being unreasonable to not want him to do the equivalent of drive-thru parenting.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 30/09/2018 10:56

Why not suggest taking baby our for a walk in their pram and you can have some me time?

Is it a case of a cochineal habit or a one off do you think?

Misswhitman · 30/09/2018 12:49

I don't know because he's lied to me before. I'm pretty sure it's regular on nights out. The thing that scares me is that if I were to let him take him out and anything were to happen that I'd be hauled over the coals because I knew he uses. I've suggested him taking him out for a walk and he never shows any interest. I'm thinking about offering him a fixed time slot every day and seeing if he utilises it. He'll argue that his work hours are flexible (he runs his own business and travels to peoples houses to give them quotes) but my argument is that he always manages to catch the football.

OP posts:
Misswhitman · 30/09/2018 12:51

He also has a history of heavy drinking (social) and driving under the influence. He's very chaotic and irresponsible, it's like he's on a constant lads holiday.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 01/10/2018 02:09

Why not offer him bathtime every day? You can be in the background doing jobs but still supervising him.

Misswhitman · 05/10/2018 21:56

Thank you. I've offered him between 5-7pm every day. Yesterday he left after 45 minutes because his brother had drug dealers outside his house and he owed them money (so my ex absolutely had to save the day) today he left after 45 minutes because he was going to meet his mum for dinner and tomorrow he's informed me he'll be here at 6pm because he's watching the football beforehand. This is working out well for me!

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