Hi, I posted previously about this and need some further advice . Long story short:
Split with ex 5 years ago and have 2 kids (9,14) who regularly spend time with their dad and live with me.
2 weeks ago me and my teen had an argument as she was behaving badly. She has some issues with her anger and emotions which I have been waiting for counselling for her (can’t get it til January)
During the arguement, she said she wanted to live with her dad and phoned him. He said yes and would come and get her. Didn’t reinforce my decision to punish her bad behaviour... just said yes to what she wanted. I didn’t allow her to leave because I wanted us both to calm down and think rationally. We did, and in the end we decided, or at least I thought we did, that she would just spend more time with her dad and stay living with me. Her dad then told her no, she can’t because that means he would have her than me and it needs to be legally changed. (We have no current court orders, I never stop them seeing him)
So she left the next day, as normal , went to school happy. Spent 2 days with her dad as normal. I then received a solicitors letter on the second day saying he thought it best she live with him and she wouldn’t be returning. I spoke to her on the phone and she said she would see me when it’s all ‘official’ ( legally living with her dad) I’ve tried to talk to her but she shuts down and refuses to engage, although she has said she still wants to see me and come and stay. She keeps saying ‘you have to speak to dads solicitor ‘
Few days later... another letter saying he doesn’t think direct contact with me for her is the best thing but I could talk to her on the phone or text (he’s listneing to our calls and reading her messages) and that he’s already applied to the court to have her live with him!
3 days later.... another solicitors letter saying that my contact with her is upsetting her and I am to have NO contact until court proceedings are complete!!!
I’m blown away with the speed of this. My ex has always been abusive (verbally, emotionally) and I have a non molestation order against him. He refuses to communicate with me all and uses his solicitor for all communication for the kids. He hasn’t tried to reach any agreement with me on this, just took advantage of a normal mum daughter fight ans literally snatched her away. He’s manipulating her completely, she’s even shutting out my parents and will not communicate. But I cleaned her room and noticed pretty much all her stuff has gone, and there’s no way that happened in one day. It all feels very shady, like it was pre planned behind my back.....
I haven’t said anything to upset her, just simply tried to understand why she’s done this, and how much of it is her and him.... if I thought this is best for her (living with him) and if she was happy, I’d let her go... but no one even asked me, just bulldozed it to court!!!!
I’m really concerned... she has emotional turmoil and lots of problems over the year with anger and emotional outbursts. I went to school for help and they referred her to counselling... it’s taken a year nearly and still haven’t got it. Before this, she was receptive to this help and admitted herself she needed help. Now she says she doesn’t want it.
He kept her off school for 3 days with a simple earache. He is lavishing her with gifts and money (but can’t affors child support 🤔) and making all sorts of false promises. At the same time, probably poisoning her against me.
I’m so confused how to go forward. I know she wants to see me and we have a good relationship. But she thinks she’s not allowed and has cut me off, she’s not even replied to a simple message asking her where she put something ... . I can’t get legal aid so will have to do court alone and he’ll be spending thousands on representation. But I’m not scared to do that, I’ve got legal advice and I am building a strong case. But need some advice , opioniins... anything that might help. How do I go forward? Write her a letter? Go to school to see her? Do nothing and wait? I’m dying inside .....Thanks