Can father stop child's activities?

[stressedandskint]

Child has attended activity for the past 3 years. Child has now moved up into the next age group for the same activity (same teacher, same place). This age group have their class on Saturday mornings and finish at lunch time. Child loves it, already knows the kids who have previously moved up, excellent for development and very supportive teacher and environment.

Child's father has always had contact from every Saturday lunch time and for the duration of the weekend (apart from 2 years when he had little contact due to a restraining order because he'd been violent towards me).

Child's father has suddenly decided he is having child from Friday evening and that child is forbidden to attend activity (his words).

I disagree but offered various compromises such as more time during school holidays even though I'm already fairly flexible. He suggested court. I said that's a good idea.

He's since started threatening the activity leader and has been trying to control me. He says child support will stop and he'll give me supermarket vouchers instead. This isn't necessarily a problem, I'd just have to spend it on mainly food shopping. I work at the weekend and he's threatened to make things difficult for me to work.

No threats of violence as of yet but I'm concerned there will be soon.

Will court stop child from doing activity? I'm happy to attend court and will adhere to their decision.

What should I do? I don't have much money to be able to make a court application myself and I'm a bit concerned about the things he's saying. He's threatened to physically remove child from activity on Saturday.

Unfortunately if his contact period is whilst the activity takes place it is up to him.if he allows the child to do it. How old isthe child and can they put pressure on dad to allow them to do it.

As regards child maintenance and contact times it will be up to you to apply to the court to seek enforcement of any court order to to CMS if through them. It is certainly not acceptable to.pay in supermarket vouchers. How is this supposed to contribute towards houskng, electricity etc for the child.

I would ensure all contact to you is through text or email.

Do you know why it has become an issue other than control.

Go to cms for maintenance . No point discussing it .

If he wants to increase contact he has to take you to court . He can’t just insist

Child is 7 and has already asked him. The activity finishes one hour after he'd normally pick child up.

Child support was paid through the CSA but then he went self employed so he doesn't have to pay. He works cash in hand. The CSA sent a letter confirming child won't get anything. He told me I had to close the case and he'd start paying child support voluntarily which he has done up to now.

Everything does seem to be about control.

He wants every weekend that is too much say no take meto court

If he does make a fuss at the activity that is bad for him

Keep track of these communications and take social care or police advice especially if you think he may become violent. I think suggesting he go to court is excellent and the right thing to do.

ShalomJackie
Did you miss that the contact has always been from Saturday lunch time? The father only wants to change the existing and long established routine in order to stop child doing activity and thereby exercise control.
Surely if there is no court order, it is up to the father to go to court?

The father is threatening child and activity organiser.
IMO the organiser should report his threats to the police and the OP should corroborate this and inform social services .

This man has a history of abuse and a restraining order.

Xposted with OP.
I think he is being unreasonable over one hour.
He has contact every weekend. I think that is unreasonable already. When does the OP get any free time with her child?

”Child's father has always had contact from every Saturday lunch time...Child's father has suddenly decided he is having child from Friday evening”

Child’s father doesn’t get to decide that. If he requests to increase/change contact, you say no. If he wants to take that to court he is free to do so.

Father is misbehaving in a number of ways.

Stick to your guns. If it's every weekend are you sure you're seeing enough of your child yourself?

If he's threatening the activity provider perhaps you ought to make clear to him that he should ensure someone else collects the child.

I'd have thought it highly unlikely the court will stop the child doing this activity, for all the reasons you state. Contact every weekend is already more than many separated parents have, and the court wouldn't be too impressed with the threats against the activity leader or the maintenance situation.

The father doesn’t have the right to just demand a change in contact times. He has the child from Sat lunchtime - if he also wants Fri night and Sat morning then he needs to go to court. I also don’t see how stopping his own child’s hobby is good parenting, it will just make the child hate him.

Courts are hot on kids having access to social, physical, educational and developmental opportunities. Particularly where the kids have a talent, enjoyment and history of taking part.

CAFCAS would likely take a very dim view of him stopping an activity that gives your child access to an activity that provides the above stimuli. Particularly where you've offered other alternatives

They'd laugh at him for saying "She's offered me more and flexible contact - but I don't want that. I only want Friday and he's got to stop his sport, where he learns, exercises and sees his friends"

While it is not the case in the OP scerino courts are also hot on RP arranging all manner of activities so the NRP gets little to no actaully quailty time.

Think saturday morning and afternoon activities same for sunday so the NRP has to ferry them all over the place cannot have any plans / attend family gatherings as the RP can say the NRP is stopping activities so should lose contact time despite she was doing it totally for control and stop him doing anything with the children. Thankfully the court ruled the RP was being unreasonable dictating 90% of contact time so judge ruled the NRP did not have to take the children to activities.

Thank you so much everyone, I really appreciate your support and advice.

I actually spoke to one of the mums that I chat to at a different activity my child attends and she also asked when I get to have family time. The fact that a few of you have also mentioned that has definitely made me think twice. I suppose I try to agree to everything he says as much as I can for a quiet life. I'm worried if I say no then he'll be violent again. This is the first thing I've put my foot down over.

He doesn't take child to and from any activities or do any of the ferrying about, I do everything. He won't get involved in the day to day stuff, he's not interested in school, parents evening, school reports, etc. That's fine as he's not that kind of dad anyway.

OP you cannot let him have every weekend that is not fair on your child

OP - are you happy with you child having every weekend with dad?
Is your child happy with every weekend?

When do you get quality time?

I think he is being very unreasonable; he cannot demand a change in time and expect you to go with it. As you said you've agreed to things in the past for a quiet life - I suspect he thinks you'll just go along with it.

Cafcass / courts take a dim view of one parent having all the "quality weekend time" and they also won't like an activity that a child enjoys and has progressed in for years to be taken away - for the sake of 1 hour!

Sorry op I posted too early!

If you're worried he'll be violent again - please seek police advice.
Have you had it recorded via the police the previous violence?

You can always get an injunction if need be ....

Please look after yourself x

I went to the police last time he was violent which resulted in a restraining order for a few years. I'm hoping that will be a deterrent as he knows I'll go to the police again if there were any violence.

I do want to have more family time. At the moment, it feels like I do all the rubbish jobs and he gets to have fun weekends. I'll definitely be pursuing that in court.

Do you have a lawyer?

This is not reasonable in the slightest. I think that you find that the courts are not willing to be lenient on children being denied opportunities to develop their social skills and personal abilities as well.

Especially if they are talented young things and love the activity. When you meet up with your lawyer, be sure to ask about filing for divorce and custody arrangements for your child. The courts are likely to judge him harshly for being purely unreasonable.

I'm not married to him, I haven't been in any sort of relationship with him in 7 years. I will be seeing a solicitor about all of this. He's behaviour is appalling.