Hi. My XH recently applied to court for a child arrangement order at my request after I severed our informal contact arrangement due to his behaviour around contact and his treatment of the children. We have 2 DC - 8yo is currently happy to see him, the 10yo doesn’t want anything to do with him. We are both self representing although he has an ex-mutual friend as his McKenzie friend.
At the first hearing, I agreed to supervised contact with his sister. I was also required to send proof of all the professionals that have been involved with our family due to 10yo’s MH problems which he disputes exist. At this hearing, he repeatedly questioned the magistrates and admitted to behaviour which breaks the law - he was firmly put in his place and seemed to respond well to this.
The second hearing, completely different magistrates, legal adviser and CAFCASS officer. My assumption was that we were there to progress contact with 8yo and make a plan for 10yo. I told the CAFCASS officer that I was happy to move contact with 8yo to unsupervised but not yet overnight but 10yo still not interested in seeing him. I was sternly told that it was concerning that I was happy to progress contact before safeguarding reports were back (I wasn’t aware they were doing them).
At the hearing, they wanted to adjourn for further info on safeguarding and the lack of professional help for 10yo at present (it’s not for want of trying on my part and the school's part!). I agreed to continue the supervised arrangements but he went mad!
He told the court his sister couldn’t do it anymore but she’d only told me the day before she was happy to continue - he shouted that I was a liar and had lied about everything. He kept on pushing the court saying he wanted unsupervised contact with both dc.
Despite his aggression, this time, the magistrates/legal adviser were being really sympathetic - attempting to soothe him by saying they understood his frustrations, I could well be lying (despite letters dating back 4 years of all the help we’ve tried to get). I was ordered to provide doctors notes (at £20 each!) to prove this. He wouldn’t drop it and this lasted a good 20 minutes. At the end, he stormed out of court and they prevented me from leaving until he’d left the building.
It was stressed that the supervised contact was an agreement and not enforceable. He was abusive during our relationship and right up until I refused to talk to him/severed contact. It has been great having this headspace from him but seeing him acting so aggressively in that setting made it all come flooding back. To make matters worse, my 10yo had another self harm episode that evening after I was forced to listen to him deny the problems then blame me for it.
Will his behaviour be taken into account and what do I do about the contact agreement? I went with the intention of having a more formal arrangement and somebody with authority telling him that his behaviour is unacceptable. I’m worried because it’s clear to me that he hates me more than he loves his children. Is there anything I can/should do now?