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Legal matters

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Original poster

Ex won court order to stop me moving away

25 replies

Lastresort00 · 18/09/2018 22:21

My problem is I have elderly parents living in Yorkshire. Mum has Alzheimers and my dad recently had a small stroke and is now really not up to being carer for her. He is 83. They have help in for her most mornings then yesterday she fell and broke her wrist, bruising her face. All very worrying and upsetting for me. I live 200miles south. Am dashing up this week for a few days.
Tried to move near them early this year and had to take to court and had job interviews lined up. DD is age 12. Court said NO. Not until she is 16. Her dad lives down here but DD does not have a close relationship with him and sees him an afternoon every other week despite my encouragement. Trouble is I am having issues reconciling the courts decision over my natural instinct which is to move and find cheaper flat to rent up their as costs here are outrageous. There would be somewhere for her to go while i work.... some extended family while it lasts.... This is affecting me and my relationship with my daughter. She wants to move with me although I know she would prefer to stay here due to getting to know new school and mates. That said she is quiet and doesn't have friends outside of school. Sorry to go on.... Many factors here but I am not happy and worry about parents. Did the courts take all this into consideration? You bet they didn't! I don't know what to do. Desperate!

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 18/09/2018 22:24

I think rightly the court has looked at what is right for your daughter, hard as that might be for you in the circumstances. Can your daughter live with your ex h while you go north?

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 18/09/2018 22:27

12 would be such a tricky age to move across the country so it sounds like the court thinks your daughter needs to be settled where she is. The court won’t put your parents’ needs above your daughter’s.

Original poster

Lastresort00 · 18/09/2018 22:41

No she doesn't like him. The courts are not infallible and don't get it right all the time. You see.... There is no rights for the mum. They have alot of responsibility over families but no responsibility for the fall out of their decisions affecting the children. Which in my case is an unhappy mother with no prospects and upsetting hwr further her by moving and leaving her.

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 18/09/2018 22:43

You say yourself she wants to stay. Sjerky it’s right that her wants are the priority?

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 18/09/2018 22:45

There is no rights for the mum no, or for the dad. The only person with rights is your daughter and you have said yourself that she doesn’t want to move

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 18/09/2018 22:46

Which in my case is an unhappy mother with no prospects

I’m really sure this isn’t true. I understand you wanting to be closer to your parents when they aren’t well, but why would you not have any prospects where you are?

HerRoyalNotness · 18/09/2018 22:49

Wow! You aren’t allowed to move because she sees her dad an afternoon every other week? Are some other reason? Could you appeal the decision. Provide a plan of how she would contact her father and factor in a costs or transport a weekend a month back to stay with him (if he wants it of course)

Original poster

Lastresort00 · 18/09/2018 22:55

Family is important. We don't have any down here and she is losing in this regard. Prospects better up north due to lower cost of living and wage comparatively similar there. But not here. Toooo xpensive where we live. Can't afford rents. Difficult. But I will find a way. To move. Thank you.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lastresort00 · 18/09/2018 22:58

Thanks HerRoyalNotness.. I did it all... Lots of work..... Writing it all. Too late and too traumatised to go back to court for the while. Stuck. Down but not out.

OP posts:

BubblesBuddy · 19/09/2018 00:44

The court will have taken your DDs views into account. As she’s 12, what she thinks carries weight. The court prefers the stable arrangement of seeing her dad and they wish to see her stay at the same school and probably retain friends. I cannot see why any of this is wrong.

However I can see why this is difficult regarding your parents, so see if you can broker a deal with your ex regarding DD staying for a weekend so you can visit your parents. Or get them a care package. This is what most absent children have to do.

hobblesma · 19/09/2018 01:01

Family is important. We don't have any down here

Your DD does, she has her dad.

WhatIsThisTomfoolery · 19/09/2018 01:06

How would she still maintain s relationship with her dad if you moved?

It's the start of GCSE years for your dd isn't it?

Pressuredrip · 19/09/2018 01:08

I'd move if I were you OP. Let them fight you.

Anastassiabeaverhausen · 19/09/2018 01:54

Are you seriously considering moving and leaving her behind?

Collaborate · 19/09/2018 07:40

The judgment would have been delivered at length, and with full reasons. It is impossible for you to convey the reasons the judge made the order in a short post, but I suspect it's due to a finding that the child's relationship with her father is likely to end completely in the event of a move. The judge has to balance the harm involved in either option.

Annandale · 19/09/2018 07:44

Very tough for you. Do you have any siblings? I know it will be realky difficult but could your parents move near you?

explodingkitten · 19/09/2018 07:51

Your DD is more important than your parents. Either arrange more care or move them closer.

Starlight345 · 19/09/2018 07:56

I think in many ways you have had a lot of harsh responses.

Mum does the care all but one afternoon a fortnight. If they were a couple then a 12 year old has no say . You are moving to support your parents.

Have you talked to ex about facilitating contact?

Did courts talk to Dd.

It seems rp are trapped nrp seem to be able to do what they want

nellly · 19/09/2018 07:59

I think the Dad thing is a bit of a red herring here and I worked in family court for years. She wants to stay, if she's managed to say that to your face when she's quiet and knows you strongly want to move I imagine she's been even more convincing in private with cafcass/court advisors. Her relationship with her Dad will have been taken into account but at 12 her views are important and likely that they played a part in the Judges decision.

NorthernLurker · 19/09/2018 08:00

So are you seriously considering moving away and living your young child with a father she sees once a fortnight? It's not about you. Either your parents move or you find paid care for them. You can5 mov3 north whilst you retain responsibility for your daughter. You need to plan for how this will work, not waste your energy being bitter about it. A child deserves two parents.

MrsBertBibby · 19/09/2018 08:04

Was this actually a decision after trial, or just an interim order keeping the status quo until the court can hear all the evidence and consider reports?

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 19/09/2018 08:46

You are moving to support your parents

Honestly from the follow up posts it seems less like that and more that she wants to live somewhere cheaper and get a new job

Original poster

Lastresort00 · 22/09/2018 13:32

Yes the last response is spot on. I am poor. Dad has a house and we rent a damp and xpensive flat. It's not bitterness that's forcing my hand. Though many will still prefer to think that. Also the point about if we were a couple, or i had met someone else with a good job and wanted to move i am fairly sure the court would have allowed me to move. Fair? Therefore DD would not have had a say. But issues too numerous to mention here that impact on our circumstances. Thanks for your comments. Everyone's situation should be based on it's own merits. Some people here don't have a clue but are happy to judge.

OP posts:

LeftRightCentre · 22/09/2018 13:43

It's never about your rights, OP, it's about what's in the best interest of your child, she's the one to whom the court has a duty. And she expressed the desire not to move . Go back and pursue more child support from your former spouse if you are lacking in funds. The court is looking at what's best for the child. They don't have a duty to you.

titchy · 22/09/2018 15:10

The courts intervened because both parents did not agree. If you were a couple and disagreed and one of you took it to court, the court would make the decision. So it's not true that if you were together she'd have no say. If both parents agreed she'd have no say, nothing to do with whether you are a couple or not.

It's clearly difficult when you're a long way from elderly parents, but your prime responsibility is to your dc, not your parents.

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