What is likely to happen here *trigger* sexual abuse

[Namechangedsensitiveinfo]

Name changed for obvious reasons.

Realistically what will happen here?

A young teen girl was made to bedshare with a close relative who is significantly older.

Relative was pissed and started touching the girl, girl said no, relative did stop then.

Relative has a young child who was also in the room.

There's no evidence, it happened fairly recently, child disclosed this to me.

Could anyone explain the process of what will happen and the likely outcome please.

Also what can be done about the child being forced to share a bed in this circumstance?

I don't know what to expect and I feel the likely outcome will be nothing due to it being a his word against hers scenario. Struggling with whether to peruse it to the detriment of my daughter's mental health or to peruse it and deal with the fallout afterwards.

Please can someone just give me the facts of what will happen and will it likely end up in court please.

I would rather report it than do nothing. It takes a lot of courage for a child to disclose something like that happening as it's incredibly frightening. At the end of the day it's up to the authorities to decide whether to pursue it or not. What if next time he doesn't stop when a child says no?? You don't want to turn around as say I should have done something when I had the chance.

Hi

Sorry to hear about this very difficult situation. I would contact social services and take their advice regarding contacting the police about the assault. Also ask them what support they could offer the child about what happened.

Wish the best for you guys

I'm so sorry this has happened

I'm no expert in the process but if it were my daughter I would report this.

What do you mean by forced ? You will be asked that if you report it. If that person forced them in my eyes that suggests they had the intention of assault .

Who the fuck made a teenager share with an older relative? What a bizarre situation. I would definitely report to the police. It’s abuse and should be investigated. The specialist police teams will tell you how th8ngs work should you proceed.

So this is your daughter? And your family member? Have you confronted the person?

Think you need to report as it's a safeguarding issue & if you don't & it happens again, that's a problem. Particularly if it's your child, as you're supposed to safeguard.

So this is your daughter? Doesn't matter, op doesn't want to share.
And your family member? As above

Have you confronted the person? Hopefully not, because it's a matter for police.

Differentnameforthis.. How do you know she doesn't want to share this? She is the one that mentioned her daughter in the post, and she is the one that asked for opinions. If it's your child there are immediate actions you can take to safeguard her that you might not be able to if it's someone else's so I think it's entirely relevant.

I did miss the part about the daughter, but all your questions are irrelevant.

The op should report it regardless of who it happen to.

Thank you all. I did report within an hour if this being disclosed to me.

I wasn't around or aware that this was happening at the time and was told a different version of what sleeping arrangements were going to be, I wasn't aware that particular relative was going to be present.

The police have said it's up to my child if they wish to peruse it. I don't know what to advise.

Realistically I don't think he would be found guilty as there's no evidence and it's a his word against hers situation so I'm unsure whether it's going to be wise to put my daughter through a court case for him to be found not guilty, on the other hand I want him dead punished.

Is there any way I can get the person who made them sleep together in trouble too?

I'm so very angry about this and I'm trying to do right by my daughter. She already feels I failed her by reporting she feels I over reacted and it doesn't matter because he was drunk. I have no idea where she got that from, of course it matters.

I haven't spoken to the family member at all and won't until I know what we are doing with regards to moving forward with the police.

she feels I over reacted and it doesn't matter because he was drunk. I have no idea where she got that from,

Honestly? Massive red flag! It sounds like he has been grooming her. I would have as much police involvement as you can, bring it into the open (in terms of the family) and the person who set that up? Possibly also involved in the grooming.

Take this as far as you can

Maybe discuss this with some RL experts, possibly the Lucy Faithfull Foundation? They might know if it's a grooming thing, as opposed to a dodgy opportunistic one-off (equally not ok but...).

0808 1000 900

Sounds well suss about how the bedding was set up tho. And as for stuff is ok if someone is drunk, just no...

OP how awful. I think regardless of whether you decide to proceed legally it's vital she is supported with some counselling. It's so sad that she feels that alcohol makes this more acceptable.

Personally I would want to proceed legally both to set an example and to hope this did not ever happen again to any young person/child

Ps perhaps try the NSPCC/GP/school counsellor for additional support

She doesn't see or speak to this relative often, which makes it worse that she was made to sleep with him. I don't think there has been any long term grooming going on simply because they are never really together at all. I do believe something may have been said the next day as my daughter just doesn't hear that sort of thing from me.

The person who made them sleep in the same bed is just a selfish thoughtless prick but I don't think was involved in any grooming.

Does the victim want to take it further OP? Is she in regular contact with this older relative?

I think there's several issues to address here and I wouldn't rush into thinking of this as "the right" thing to do vs the "wrong" thing. There's a whole series of choices to make for both of you and I agree with a couple of previous posters who suggest getting support from groups who specialise in helping people in these situations. They're likely to have more up to date and in depth knowledge than we do.

Childline have a high profile with kids. Would she consider ringing them?

I think you need support too so that you can separate your emotions about the abuse from your decisions about the best way to proceed for your daughter's best interests. There is no one right decision on pursuing the matter or not because it depends on how it would affect your daughter long term.

Personally, I think you should give her support to make her own decision. She already had negative events happen to her out of her control. It's important she feels some measure of control over what happens next.

But it will be a lot easier for her to make that decision if she is well-informed.

Separate to all that is helping her feel safe in the future and helping her gain the confidence to say no to future contact with the relative if that's what she chooses.

Sorry your daughter had to go through that and best wishes with working your way through it.

Thank you for all of the advice. Social services are going to come and discuss options with her this week. I'm too angry to see clearly at the moment so I'm glad that she has a neutral third party.

I'm not sure if she wants to push it further. The relative who she was away with at the time of the incident has been informed/questioned and is blaming her for not saying anything after it happened.

Thus whole thing is a mess and my poor already fragile daughter is right in the middle of it all.

I feel like I'm getting it all so wrong. I don't know what to do.

I think you're doing the right things.

The relative needs to have a long, hard think about the age and fragility of your child and the obvious issues with the other party.

Regardless of the outcome, it's a situation about grey areas and nuances and sometimes that adults are just plain stupid, nasty shits, that sadly is something you need to know as you get older.

Lots of opportunity to talk to your daughter. If she decides not to pursue it, that's ok (for her, still think there's going to be wider, difficult ramifications) and it's going to be about keeping her safe in the future.

Basically, it's not easy because it's really difficult to navigate and none of this is your making or really within your control if it is pursued.

Your relative is victim blaming and probably feels guilt so try and overlook that if you can. That's their issue and not yours or your DDs.

Here for handhold through this time

So sorry to hear what happened to your DD, similar happened to me many years ago.

This is a very detailed guide to the whole process (aimed at adults, but the process if the same)
rightsofwomen.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/From-Report-to-Court-a-handbook-for-adult-survivors-of-sexual-violence.pdf

You say there is "no evidence" however your DD's statement is evidence - if it goes forwards it's likely the police will take supporting statements from those there and anyone your DD told - particularly the person she told first.

It often does boil down to he said/she said, but that doesn't mean there is no prospect of a trial and a guilty verdict - I got that 30+ years after the event!

If it goes ahead it's a long winded and stressful process (almost two years from first report to police to sentencing hearing in my case) - you also need to think how your DD would feel to go through all that and get a not guilty verdict, which is always a possibility.

Well done your DD for having the courage to tell someone. It took me 9 years to tell the first person (DH1) and over 30 years to have the courage to go to the police.

sending a unmumsnetly hug to your DD

I'm glad to hear there's something in the pipeline to support your daughter but it's sad to hear you say I feel like I'm getting it all so wrong.

You're having to do something really hard that no one's prepared you for. You wouldn't think badly of anyone else struggling in your circumstances so you shouldn't judge yourself harshly.

Could social services not point you to any support specifically for you? There are support groups out there for friends and family of victims/survivors but I think provision is patchy. Probably best in London.

Maybe try a helpline to find out if there is anything that could help you locally.

napac.org.uk/ has a helpline 0808 801 0331. Even if they don't provide the support you need, they may be able to direct you elsewhere.