Hello. I have recently separated from my child's father. We have a 2yrs old son together but have never lived together during our 3yr relationship (his choice as he didn't want to be solely responsible financially)
With not living together it has been me doing most of the day to day parenting. Morning routines...meals....bedtime routines etc
The child's father used to come round most evenings....unless it was his weekly boys night or if football match was on. Also by the time he had finished work he insisted on going to his parents house every night for a meal and change of clothes. (His mother still cooks all his meals and does his laundry) So sometimes he could go mon-friday without seeing his son at all as by time ex partner would arrive our child would be in bed.
He never saw this as an issue as he insisted that he needed to eat and change out of his uniform before coming round to see his son
Anyway....since the split I have allowed my ex into the home I share with our son...monday and Wednesday to see our soon for roughly 40mins before son went to bed. Friday my ex came round for 2 hours and in that time took our soon out for a walk. In our son's life my ex had never taken our child out on his own so understandably this made me nervous however I do know that our child would come to no harm while out with his father. My ex brought our son back after 30mins.
Now the problem is over this past weekend my ex hasn't seen his son as I had prearranged plans and to be honest I needed some space to get my head straight. He has sent me threatening messages saying that i am taking away his rights as a father by not letting him see his son for 2 days.
Now he is threatening to take me to court so he can have overnight access every weekend. My ex has no fixed abode and the place he does stay reguarly is a party house where people abuse alcohol and drug frequently. It's not a safe environment i feel for a 2yr old to sleep. My ex has never bought a car seat for our son (we both have our own cars) but now he said he will buy a seat so he can take our son wherever he wants to. My main issue is can my ex get overnight visits when he has no fixed abode? Or any visitation in a what i can only describe as an unsafe house for a toddler.
Bit of a back story my ex has 3 other children...2 grown adults and a 14yr old daughter. The 14yr old sees her dad every other weekend but stays at my exes parents house. My ex just visits her when he feels like it during the weekends.
I do not want my son staying at my exes parents house as they have never shown an interest in their grandson and as they are quite elderly (late 60s) they have serious health problems and I would worry that if they took ill my son would be in danger as my ex would not be sleeping in the same house.
I am wanting my ex to see our son as I believe my son has a right to this. As my ex has never dopey cared for our son I'd like to start with 3hr block visits where ex can take our son out. Does 3hrs every Friday and 3 hours every Sunday sound reasonable? Ex works full time so I think 3hrs two times a week is practical to start with and work upto longer hours over time.
I do not work at the moment so I am with my son all the time and my son and me have a very strong bond and I feel he would become stressed if he was to be away from me for a long period of time. Example....my ex has never put our son to bed or got up with him in the mornings even if ex had stayed over to sleep. His excuse being that he doesn't hear our son in the mornings.
My son is used to daddy visiting and he doesn't cry when daddy is not around. It's upsetting that they don't seem to have a strong bond but I feel shorter visits of 3hrs are better right now so they can build on that bond.
I should add that my ex does smoke and drinks every weekend and while that is his choice I would not be comfortable him having our son overnight knowing he will be intoxicated and or hungover while my son is in his care.
Sorry for the length of this. I'm just looking for some input as I've never been in this situation before.
Thankyou for reading xx