Also posted in Step-Parenting, but thought I'd post here also.
Hi I was wondering if someone could please advise. This is a bit of a long post so apologies in advance. Have NC for this post.
My partner has mediation with his ex over the contact arrangements for their 7 year old soon. For the past 6 years they've had no set arrangement in place and it has just been them sorting it out between themselves every week. However my partner (for various reasons I won't go in to) is now looking for a firm contact plan to be in place.
Originally he proposed EOW Friday from school until Monday to school and one night every week after school for a couple hours. (Plus 50% holidays) His ex rejected this on the basis that:
A) She did not want DSD going away with his without saying goodbye to her first so pick up would have to be her house on a Friday at 8pm when she gets in from work
B) She would have to be returned Sunday night as DSD has a school routine that needs to be followed
C) He can see her a night after school every week but it won't be set as they never know what they're doing so this would have to be arranged on a weekly basis. (No issue with the 50% holidays)
So thats what has been happening for the past 6 months, and it is working...ish. But my partner feels like he wants to be more involved in his daughters life than just Disney dad EOW and afterschool as and when, and wants this to still be changed to something nearer the original proposal if possible to allow him to do school drop offs / homework.
At mediation he is going to propose that if ex does not agree to Fri - Mon then he would prefer Sat morning - Mon morning instead of the current Fri night - Sunday night meaning he can do the school drop off, and at least have two FULL day and nights with her instead of getting her here on a Friday night purely to put her to bed, and then Sunday we can never really do anything decent because she has to be returned home by X time.
He also wants a set night through the week - and would prefer if this was an overnight rather than just after school as he would like to get her involved in a club or class perhaps around this area (DSD has mentioned she'd really like to go to an acting class and there is one near here on a Wednesday night for example) where she can have something him and her do together (not possible with the EOW set up for obvious reasons) and also allow her to make friends around this area for during the holidays etc. Also to again do the homework / school drop off etc.
His ex is unlikely to agree because she's said before overnights with school the next day are not allowed at all ever.
But does this sound like a reasonable proposal? In peoples experience does the "EOW and one night through the week" usually extend to an overnight through the week or is it usually just for tea etc?
In actual fact he would like much more contact than this, but it is his understanding that this is the "standard amount" given in court and to be honest his ex is unlikely to agree to even that amount.
He wants to avoid court.
Sorry for the long post!*