What is a reasonable offer in these circumstances?

[GreigeingGracefully]

We were together 12 years, married for 3 months before separation (due to his infidelity). I spent some time as a SAHM and supported him through joblessness and retraining.

He has inherited well a couple of times, sufficient to buy a house outright. He currently owns a house worth £150k - £180k, has a substantial pension (not sure how much), and jointly owns a commercial property and some land which could easily be developed. I helped to do up the current property. He earns around £30-40k in his profession. I believe he’ll have debts but I’m not sure how much.

I was initially given negligent legal advice and left with nothing before divorcing without a financial order (4 years ago). I live in rented which is too small for our needs. For the last few years, I have done community type work which tends to be fixed term contracts and low paid. One of our dc has additional needs (struggling to get diagnosis or professional help) which means I have to be close by to collect her from school if she is struggling. We desperately need to move as my neighbours have complained about her meltdowns and she needs her own room due to the violence she perpetrates against her younger sibling (they share a room which is quite small). I have no other assets apart from a car worth around £6k. I have no debt after spending the first two years after separation clearing the substantial debt I left with.

I’m hoping that a substantial deposit would make it easier for me to get a mortgage and I would struggle to save that alone. I have initiated court proceedings to get a financial order but I am self representing as I cannot afford a solicitor.

He has asked me if I would be willing to settle out of court and to make him an offer. What would be reasonable to ask for in the circumstances please?

I would suggest that paying a solicitor to tell you what a reasonable settlement would look like will be money well spent. More information is needed than you have given above before anyone can advise what a reasonable settlement would look like. Indeed, you don't seem to know enough yet - there are far too many things you don't know.

You both need to make a full disclosure even if you settle out of court as you will need to turn that settlement into a consent order, otherwise either of you could re-open the settlement later. Get his Form E and see a solicitor. Right now I would tell him that you would be happy if you can agree without going to court but you won't make any offers until you've got his Form E.

I’m a bit reluctant to see a solicitor now, for one I can’t afford it, but also I’m in this position because the first solicitor I saw told me I had no entitlement due to short marriage and advised I move out ASAP and hope I wouldn’t be liable for his debts! The next solicitor I saw a couple of years later, after we divorced told me I should go for 50% of the value of the house in exchange for leaving his pension and other property alone. He receives commercial rent for these too. So I don’t know what to believe.

According to him, as it was a short marriage it goes in his favour. He is very money orientated so will want to give me as little as possible. No way he will agree to 50% of the house.

I am assuming you are in England.

It is normal these days for any pre-marital period of cohabitation to be added to the length of the marriage. So if you cohabited for 12 years the courts would treat you as having been married for 12 years when determining the financial settlement.

If you did cohabit for 12 years you may be entitled to more than 50% of the house. Don't let him bully you.