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Original poster

Child arrangement order - Residence

16 replies

JoJo2106 · 27/08/2018 11:08

I have been awarded residence of my 1 year old baby. He always lived with me anyways but court have granted me residence as my ex had tried to take ds and said he wasn't going to return him. Thos gives me a bit more peace of mind now as police may be able to get involved now if he did ever try and take ds again.

Just wondering what this means in terms of rights now. Does that somehow give me more rights than my ex has? I have also read I can take child abroad for up to a month without permission. But how does that work if my ex was due to have contact would i have to go back to court for permission?

OP posts:
Collaborate · 27/08/2018 13:50

It doesn’t give you permission to breach a contact order. It’s simply that in your time with the child you can holiday abroad and don’t need to seek father’s permission.

Original poster
JoJo2106 · 27/08/2018 14:07

@Collaborate ah right thanks for that. Problem with that is he has been awarded every weekend while ds is still so young. I think once he's in nursery etc it will go to alternate weekends. Well that's the way the magistrates made it sound anyways.

So if ex has every weekend I wouldn't be able to go abroad for a week as he'd have contact in that week..would I need permission from court to go in that situation?

Also does me having residence give me more rights than dad has?

OP posts:
Collaborate · 27/08/2018 14:11

You have no more rights than the father has.

I’m surprised that no allowance was made for holidays when the order was made, but perhaps neither of you asked for it? You’ll have to agree holidays with the father in that case.

Original poster
JoJo2106 · 27/08/2018 14:51

No it wasn't mentioned. My ex is due to start seeing ds in a contact centre probably in the next few weeks as he hasn't seen ds since April due to a DV incident. The contact centre is to reintroduce ds to his dad as he was onky 7 months old when he last saw him and he's almost 1 now.

I know my ex won't agree to holidays just to be awkward basically so does that mean I will have to go back to court in thar case if i wanted to holiday abroad and it would affect his contact? I assumed the whole point in not needing permission to go meant I wouldn't have to go back to court but looks like it's not going to be the case. Could i get something factored in to the order as we are back to court in November to see how contact is going between them.

OP posts:
Collaborate · 27/08/2018 15:09

Ok - so you haven’t had the final hearing. You must definitely make it clear before then, and at the next hearing, that you want to have interruptions to contact to enable you to have holidays. The permission to take the child abroad only governs what you can do when the order says you have the child.

Original poster
JoJo2106 · 27/08/2018 15:43

No sorry I should have said the final hearing is in November. So does that mean what they order can change again? As in if my ex asks for more contact etc or Christmas contact etc? He was also ordered to do 6 months of alcohol tests as he drinks every night and if his tests come back with high levels of alcohol I do not want to agree to him having overnights until he sorts his drinking out. Is this something the court might back me up with do you think?

OP posts:
Collaborate · 27/08/2018 18:08

Any order can change over time, or on a change in circumstances.

stillnotTheDoctor · 27/08/2018 19:57

I'd take him on holiday and then if exh decides to take you to court because you broke the court order he will look an idiot for being unreasonable to not let your son have a holiday.

stillnotTheDoctor · 27/08/2018 20:04

Your ex can always go back to court to ask for a change to the existing order. So yeah it can keep changing. Also kids needs change. Courts won't want to keep contact at a contact centre forever. They'll want to get him eventually to be having him unsupervised. Or after a while he will apply to the courts to have that changed.

Definitely add in the final order that reasonable allowances should be made for both parents to have holidays or for contact to be deferred if someone is ill.

Original poster
JoJo2106 · 27/08/2018 20:23

Sorry I should have mentioned that my ex will have 4 weeks of seeing ds in contact centre and then he gets him unsupervised after that for 5 hours each day on a saturday and sunday 1 week thrn 5 hours the following Sunday. It's scaring me as we split when ds was only 2 weeks old (my choice) he drinks every single night and there's been domestic abuse so I was unhappy for a long time but once I'd had ds I knew it was the right thing to do ending it.

The thing that scares me is he has never handled a baby before and is totally clueless what to do. With us splitting up so early on he never had a chance to learn how to do anything. And I don't have him at my house as he assaulted me with ds there. Hence why he's not seen him for months. The contact centre will reintroduce him to ds but after that it's basically him winging it on his own. He struggled even before I stopped contact even with basic care needs. Ds is 1 this week and walking so I honestly do not know how he'll cope. He's never even fed him food before. I'm quite shocked the court only gave 4 sessions in the contact centre considering the age of our child and how long he's not seen him for.

Yes I will have to get that part about illness into the final order as I know my ex woukd be awkward about that too as he always has been.

OP posts:
stillnotTheDoctor · 27/08/2018 20:26

But hopefully at the contact centre they'll be able to assess all this and if they don't think he can file they'll say so.

Original poster
JoJo2106 · 27/08/2018 20:27

I also know my ex is ultimately seeking overnight contact but he is about to do alcohol tests that go back 6 months which is inevitable that it will come back high. So in am.also looking to say to the court that I don't agree to overnights until he sorts out his drinking. Do you think the court will support this because surely it's not in a child's interest to stay overnight with a heavy drinker. Especially a child that is so young and has no voice of his own?

OP posts:
rainingcatsanddog · 27/08/2018 20:27

Definitely get his birthday, Mother's Day and Christmas clarified. Also exceptions so you can travel to see family etc

stillnotTheDoctor · 27/08/2018 20:28

It's difficult. Do you have a solicitor? Courts don't like to micromanage. It's definitely something you should bring up in court tho.

Original poster
JoJo2106 · 27/08/2018 20:46

Yes I have a solicitor i will definitely be mentioning it to him at our next appointment. I just don't think its right to grant overnight stays with someone that can't go a day without a drink especially with such a young child. And as my solicitor keeps telling me it's supposed to be in the best interest of the child and not just what the parent wants.

OP posts:
Collaborate · 28/08/2018 06:08

Just a word of advice. Go easy on the “but he’s never done this before - he hasn’t got a clue” argument. That applies to most new parents and we still get to take our babies home so we can learn on the job.

Concentrate on the other concerns instead.

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