I'm just about to apply for a variation of our current CAO based on the fact that "co-parenting" with exH is a nightmare! It's been 2 years but his level of anger & bitterness as well as his "victim" mode is really impacting our dcs (6 & 8). He regularly tells them how horrible I am, shares details of the court proceedings with them etc. I'm frequently having to address their questions about why he hates me so much. Poor kids are confused and I'd love to have them speak to a professional but he'd never agree to that! He is also incredibly rigid with the order so kids miss out on my family events, mother's day etc if they fall on his day etc. They also spend a significant amount of their time with him watching tv whilst he works and their school work is suffering as mostly (if not always) looked at when they're with me.
I'm less worried about the quantity of time they spend with him, and more about the quality (in particular, the impact of the negativity on their emotional wellbeing).
The court order went against Cafcass and school recommendation, and I decided to give it a year to see if his anger would subside. If anything, it's gotten worse! They are not even allowed to run to me or give me a hug, if I happen to run into them in the local community. Older dc was told off and "punished" the last time she ran to me after a school event he'd brought them to :(
Already exempt from mediation hence going through courts. My question is: would asking that they "live with" me and not both of us mean I would be able to get them the support (e.g play therapy etc) they need without his sign-off (which he had refused in the past)?
Also, what should I be asking for? Are there more intensive parenting classes (than SPIP) I should ask for? Is it fair to ask that his time with them is changed (and only with supervision) until this is resolved, pending a CAFCASS investigation? My dcs have said he doesn't stop with the constant tales of how bad I am etc. Poor kids love their dad and enjoy their time with him. I just want to find a way to get rid of the toxicity! I'm dealing with a narc here and he's very good at playing the victim, both to dcs and in court (tears and all)!
I'm LIP and he has a sol & counsel so any advice or guidance would be highly appreciated!
Thanks