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Help with my ex, daughters father and overnight stay

5 replies

Chicaguappa · 08/08/2018 10:37

Im having issues with my ex my daughters father, we have a court order in place that was suposed to build up over a year from couple of hours contact to full day then over night. My ex has not kept to the order as he decided to take a boxing class (he runs it) every Friday bang in middle of contact with his daughter so only has her from 1.30pm to 5.30pm Fri bi-weekly.
Now Aug here she is suposed to stay with him 4pm Fri to 5pm Sat, shes only just felt confident to do a wee with him last 2 contacts, let alone a poo yet (she has to take medicine daily to go) shes had odd full day here & there with him Fathers day etc and gets on with his wifes daughter also 4yrs old, but my daughter is adamant she doesn't want to sleep at his house.

Shes only just started sleeping in her own room & new bed this week, so shes certainly not ready to sleep at his, ive asked her many times, tried to encourage her and my mum has asked her each time she says no she doesn't want to and she wants to come home to sleep in her bed.
He is ex drug addict (been in rehab 3 times in past for drugs and alcohol, but still drinks sometimes)
He turned up at my house drunk Fri night with a bag of his stuff asking to stay as wife had thrown him out! (Shes thrown him out a few times, in Jan i let him stay a few nights)
He also said they were out drinking with her 4yr old daughter there and his wife was drunk & sick in the pub! Then went on to tell me shes a nightmare when drunk and tried to wrap a bottle around his head! I told him he couldn't stay, he was slurring his words & using foul language and upsetting my daughter (ive helped him too much in past, he just constantly takes piss!)

His wife has had her own children removed from her care in the past from social services and has a rap sheet longer than his, but still a court decided my daughter could go to their house which is bad enough, but after recent events this week im even less comfortable about putting my daughter in his care at all!
I also found a packet of his legal high drugs in my house this week after moving and empty bedside table out of my daughters room and it fell out! (God knows what coukd have happened if my daughter had found it) I find it very hard to beleive its been hidden in there for 3.5yrs (from when we shared our old house)
I've reported it to the police and also the drunken behaviour to social services as i feel for his wifes 4yr old being out with 2 drunks inescapable of looking after her in that state. She also has a 12yr old son.

The issue now is he is forcing this overnight stay on DD this week (well trying to, im not letting her go) ive tried for months to reason with him on this issue, he knows full well my daughter is not ready for this and he is now sending threatening texts saying hes picking her up Thurs (not his contact day but he cant do Fri Sat as has boxing course) he has threatened to call police to my house & my mums house if we are not in on Thurs.
I need advice on what to do, im a single mum im not currently working yet and cant get legal aid or afford another solicitor.
I have compromised everywhere i can with him, ive said he can carry on seeing her in the day but not over night till shes ready. She starts school in Sept and has enough changes going on at min with that and moving into her own room.
Please help im at end of my tether with all of this.

OP posts:
Notsurprisedatall · 08/08/2018 13:36

You need to get Mumsnet to remove her name from this post!!

Take it back to court, ask cafcass to get involved and or social services. You will have to self-represent.

I would only offer supervised contact in the interim.

HopeMumsnet · 08/08/2018 13:46

Hi there Chica,
We hope you don't mind but we have nipped in and changed your daughter's name to the more obscure DD. Best of luck with your situation.

MrsBertBibby · 09/08/2018 14:42

You need to apply immediately to vary the order.

The police won't get involved, but really you should have applied ages ago.

Don't try to rehash things the court has already considered. The point here is that he hasn't complied with the order and as a result your daughter isn't ready.

Chicaguappa · 10/08/2018 09:27

Well he kept saying the court would understand if he had to work but social services took my view that he knew tgat was his contact day. I can't afford the court fee to reapply to them so hoping he will and i can state my case then.

OP posts:
5Makes9 · 10/08/2018 10:23

If you’re on a low income you may be entitled to a fee reduction (possibly even free).

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