Inheritance and df's partner

[jumpingjellybeansalive]

My dad has lived with his partner for 7 years and they own a property. I think it's in my df's name but since they got together he's completely withdrawn from his children and family. He's also been, quite simply, taken for a ride and on a recent hospitalisation of his partner discovered that his savings had been emptied and he'd been giving her a 4 figure sum each month for groceries and also paying all the bills - despite the partner being wealthy in her own right.

It's very much a case of he's just agreed to a lot of stuff for "an easy life" and is stubborn/too proud to admit otherwise. She insists he pays for everything he's given her family members money etc.

We've tried to help and protect his interests but, as is often the case, he puts his head in the sand.

He has assured us that his will is "as was" and we can be assured that our deceased mother's estate and belongings (what hasn't been throw out by his partner) will still come to us.

We've been looking into inheritance recently as we lost a relative and also prepping our own wills and discovered there's a law that a co-habiting spouse of 2+years can launch a claim of an estate. Has anybody got any experience of this? I wouldn't put it past the partner and her family to do this should the worse happen. I'm terrified what little items we have left of our mum's life should go to her family after they've already taken so much.

As not to dripfeed they are both very ill and we're at the point of expecting one of them to die very soon. So sadly morbid but just trying to mentally prepare for what happens next.

It's not quite like that. There is a piece of legislation that allows dependents to claim on a deceased's estate. Is she a dependent? If he pays for everything, she may well be able to claim she's dependent. It's called the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependents) Act 1975.

Can you get your deceased mothers belongings?
Those that have sentimental value?

He pays for everything because she pleads poverty but when we were sorting got paperwork in their place we found this isn't the case - though a lot of the money had been withdrawn as cash and hidden around their place as far as I'm aware. Her later husband was a bit "savvy" if you catch my drift with finances so I would imagine she's made it look as if she's reliant - even if it's not the case. Her children and hanging around the house at the moment so we can't get in to take anything of sentimental value.

Do not just take anything of sentimental value! Ask your father if you are allowed to take it now.

Obviously wouldn't just take anything. Lol worded that poorly. He won't let us take anything though as he's assured us it's all going to come to us. He's a bit blinkered towards her actions and said the "accidental" throwing away of items was just an oversight.

Things in question were our family photo albums, their wedding photos and all our baby pictures.

Do you know what your late mum's Will stated, who inherits her estate and personal belongings, if it's all been left to your poor d.f. then it will be in his Will who it transfers to. I read your other post, is she back home and out of hospital now. If your d.f. Is really poorly is he still able to pay bills, transfer money, how did she empty his bank account.

It was all left to him.

She's still in. I think she has access to his online banking and has probably given her his cards etc. Probably a few cheques to her as well and there's a direct debit he set up long ago. He used to be pretty savvy and check his stuff online but as his health has decreased he's locked himself out of all his emails, online banking, Facebook accounts etc. I wonder if he got locked out or she changed passwords. She's always on her iphone (she has three ) and has several laptops and iPads he's bought her as well.

He's housebound now and can't walk so she has (till this point) controlled his movement because she was still mobile with the car. I'm not sure if this will be the case when she goes home though.

Now would be a geeat time to see if he would agree to letting you have power of attorney of his money and also getting in touch with the bank to stop her having access, would he do that. If he's at home unable to walk and unwell does he have any help or carers. I would ask him if you could take any moment is while she's not around, you have just as much right to be there as her children do, why are they there if she's in hospital anyway. If she is planning to go back home then who will look after her.

Last time this happened we pushed for it and it looked like he was going to sort it. She was then discharged and all of a sudden he said it wasn't necessary and wouldn't answer any of our calls, Texts and was "busy" according to her whenever we tried popping round. Didn't speak to us for over four months. The relationship between him and one of my siblings has ended up so badly because they pushed him to try and do it he won't talk to her about anything now. We're all dropping in on him where we can but her children have been staying as we were out of town when it happened. Whenever we've tried to go round he's been "busy" or laying down or something. It's effectively like security. We've got a few days window at the moment so my other sibling is going to head down and try and talk some sense into him.

Also we tried talking to the bank and as we're not the account holder and he is "if found mind" (questionable) we can't do anything.

Sorry. This is all a bit despondent but we've effectively been blocked by her for years. I can count on one hand the amount of times I've seen my dad, on his own, in the last 15 years. He wasn't allowed to talk about my mum, I mentioned her once when we went round for dinner many years ago and she turfed me out physically. On the flip side I've seen one of her kids call him a fucking cunt to his face, goading him and storm out and she blamed him for the situation and said he should have been more sensitive to her because she's a "dear soul". Same kid that walked around our house when I still lived with him (before this really got going) and commented on some of our nice "things" and said "oooh I'll have these when you die!"

It sounds horrendous, her family can't deny you access, it's his home, that is outrageous. He is a sick man, has he seen a doctor or social services for himself. Someone needs to contact social services or elder abuse, poor man.

We've tried to convince him to see a doctor but he says he won't because "we're all going to die anyway". He's not blameless in this situation and his apathy and pig-headesness has let it get to this point. It's just to the point now he's drinking too much, he's text me now saying he's not hungry and won't eat (I think he's lost about 5 stone in the last few years) and he just wants to be left alone. My dad was always my hero growing up, I was so in awe of him but it's terrifying to see someone swing so dramatically and give up on life.

He sounds depressed, if he's losing all that weight how come they spend 2k a month on groceries? If he's uncomfortable, in pain or generally feeling lousy would he agree to seeing a district nurse, it must be very difficult for you to see him like this, it would be so much easier if he could agree to just spending quality time with his family while he can.

Age UK have advice on their website which might be worth a look. Also your local council Safeguarding team are there to deal with abuse of the elderly, which includes financial abuse - perhaps you could talk to them?

He's not eating at all. The groceries we have very big suspicious it's actually not being spent but being ferreted away in other accounts (no joint account or anything).

Thanks for the heads up about the link and you're right. Just trying to spend as much time as we can with him (although he doesn't really seem to be happy to see us or make conversation) because I do worry about the future.

When his sibling rang to tell him their parent had died he apparently just said "thanks for letting me know" and hung up on them. Not the actions of someone who is particularly with it.