Hi there
Really need some advice as seriously struggling :o( I have a 5 year old daughter with my ex bf, we were together for 5 years when he decided to leave us & take up residency in the same town. Three months later we decided to try and reconcile but I ended our relationship two months ago after several failed attempts over a period of nearly 2 years. All that time he has lived with his parents as racked up nearly £10,000 worth of debt whilst single & he has just requested a debt relief order. All the while my daughter has lived with me & I have been responsible for her everything day to day including schooling etc.
My ex is very unstable (abused as a child by his father & his mother neglected him) but he is incredibly good at putting on a great show coming across as a lovely person, devoted dad who co parents fairly etc When my ex walked out he'd become a gym fanatic & thought the grass was greener so he slept around & soon realised there was no substance to his life the girls, drink & drugs etc. Ever since our reconciliation he has been obsessive over the fact I slept with one person during our break, he is very jealous, very angry & has lied so much to my face there is no trust or respect left.
He regularly uses my daughter as a weapon & it is affecting her mentally. He has no filter for what he says in front of her & it is so upsetting to think what her little mind must be dealing with. I was planning to take my daughter abroad next week to get away from the abuse ,booked the tickets etc & niavely I had no idea whatsoever about the fact I needed his consent in writing to take her abroad as we have different surnames plus I understand he also has parental responsibility as is on her birth certificate. My ex brought it to my attention & I completely understand the rules & respect them.However out of pure malice, my ex is now refusing to give his consent for fear of her safety even though the trip has been booked for over a month & he has not had an issue at all up until yesterday.
I am absolutely devastated as was going to stay with a friend who's known my daughter since she was a baby as she has her own daughter now. After much discussion with family members, they are encouraging me to travel on my own for a week & to leave my daughter safely with them in the UK.
I need to know what I can do to safeguard my daughter from this abuse she's having to endure & the parent alienation as she's being told horrendous things about me. I am all for children seeing both parents regularly & I have always been the one pushing for my ex to make the effort to see my daughter but his behaviour has become so erratic and unhealthy ( he tried getting in an open window of my house using a ladder a few weekends back) I do not feel he is mentally well enough to have our daughter. You'll think i'm stupid but I didn't call the police that day even though I was terrified because he trying to get into the RAF & he said that having a police record would screw up his application & then he'd have nothing to lose which was a threat against hurting me so I want him to move away.
I don't want my ex to know which family member my daughter will be staying with for the week as i'm terrified he might turn up & take her away as he will then call & message me & basically traumatize me knowing i'm in a different country so am powerless. Do I have to tell him? To add, he came into my house & stole my phone 3 weeks ago having gone to use the toilet & then told my friends & both our family members that I must have lost it etc I had to beg for 2 days to get him to return it which he did but you can see the level of unstable I'm dealing with here.
I'd read a little about getting a court order, any advice on how to approach this subject please? sorry for the essay but I felt it was needed in order to get the best advice.
Really appreciate any help thank you x