Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Two court orders are clashing- how to resolve?

47 replies

Jamielee444 · 05/08/2018 07:45

My DD has a contact order to see her father every Saturday morning.... however her father has had another contact order drawn up for his other son he had with someone else with the same times and days. One contact is supervised. One is not. Father will not agree to drawing up a different contact schedule for either child so the clash will always be there. What can I do?!

OP posts:

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 05/08/2018 09:00

The OP can't change the contact time because it's court ordered.

The dad has to go back to court if he wants the order changed.

Not Your problem OP and don't let him make you think it is

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 05/08/2018 09:00

The OP can't change the contact time because it's court ordered.

The dad has to go back to court if he wants the order changed.

Not Your problem OP and don't let him make you think it is

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 05/08/2018 09:00

The OP can't change the contact time because it's court ordered.

The dad has to go back to court if he wants the order changed.

Not Your problem OP and don't let him make you think it is

Original poster

Jamielee444 · 05/08/2018 09:02

He has set the time for his DS but it's not stayed on the order itself. Sorry I wasn't clear. But it does say it on mine.
And I do feel like he's choosing which child to see. I offered him alternate weeks where DD will change her time, then the next week his son will change his time, but he won't agree to that. He won't even commit to arranging more than one week at a time. It's very frustrating. All he will agree to is me changing the time, one week at a time. But that means I can't plan ahead.
Yes naps drop off, but the handover point is 40 mins away, with all the will in the world she will fall asleep in the afternoon.

OP posts:

CosmicCanary · 05/08/2018 09:04

Sorry OP but I think you are being difficult just for the hell of it.

I hope he does take you back to court and I hope the judge sees how petty you are being and changes the time.

MrsBertBibby · 05/08/2018 09:04

The OP can't change the contact time because it's court ordered.

I'm sorry but that is such a bullshit argument. The parents can adjust those arrangements by consent any time they like.

OP I suggest you and your ex go to mediation. It sounds like you both need an adult referee.

Mumteedum · 05/08/2018 09:06

Then he's being a nob. Email him stating the suggestions you have made clearly, stating your Dd is available as agreed at court. If he won't be reasonable then it is on him to reapply to court to vary your order. What an idiot he is for ending up in this situation. He should have discussed your court order when he made the one for his son.

Original poster

Jamielee444 · 05/08/2018 09:07

Yes I know time can be adjusted. He won't agree to commit to a different time either for more than a week at a time. Both orders progress and times increase so the clash will still be there. As far as I know he works Sunday which is why that has not been offered as a alternative

OP posts:

Mumteedum · 05/08/2018 09:08

Alternate weeks is a bad suggestion though. Work out a reasonable alternative time put that forward and leave it in his court.

Original poster

Jamielee444 · 05/08/2018 09:15

Ok. Thank you for your honesty
My last email to him was simply to ask what times/ dates suits him.
And I've said to him last week that I will work with him to find a solution. Yes I will change the time but I need to bit more of a schedule which I think would happen in court. They would outline a schedule for us. I don't think it's unreasonable that I ask him for that now.

OP posts:

TheHalfBloodPrincess · 05/08/2018 09:17

I don’t understand why he can’t have both children at the same time. Yes, the time with his son is supervised, but if he takes your dd along it will be him that will be supervising her. How are his children supposed to maintain a relationship?

motortroll · 05/08/2018 09:38

Yo can change or add to a time dictated on a court order if you both agree. A generic court order for contact is not preventative it is minimum contact to ensure a relationship when 2 people can't agree.

If the court order specifies that there is no other contact then that is different.

If he brought this up with the court when they made the supervised order he will have been told to talk to you about it and see if he can change it. (Which he has) or return to court (which maybe he doesn't want to because frankly it's horrific!!)

I don't see why he can't take your daughter with him to the supervised contact. It's really normal to take other children. He will have to be responsible for her as not covered by contact centre staff bit should be fine!! (I have done this in a contact centre, I'm not just guessing)

motortroll · 05/08/2018 09:40

With regards to a schedule you can both write out and agree on a schedule. It's worth trying to avoid a return to court.

Family court is horrific and you have my sympathies xxx

Cupoteap · 05/08/2018 11:57

Let him take it back to court. You are ordered to make the child available at the time on your order. He should have discussed this when agreeing the second one - surely when he agreed to the second one he basically lied saying he was able to adhere to it.

bibliomania · 06/08/2018 14:29

I think you're right to expect a set schedule - it's ridiculous that he doesn't want to make plans more than a week in advance. It's good that you've asked him what times would work for him. If he can suggest a set time, go with that, otherwise let him take it to court.

I wouldn't focus on the naps issue as I don't think you're on strong ground there, but wanting set times is absolutely fine.

INeedMoreCakeInMyLife · 06/08/2018 14:46

My friend had a very similar situation. He dd had SN so was via a contact centre. That overruled the other order because they're limited to contact centre times.. The other mum was told. By the judge not to be so awkward and let go of the apron strings, whist the dad was in court he asked for more time too and they granted everything he wanted., And they likely will you too as A nap isn't exactly a reason. And it does seem like you're being awkward, Your dc is 2, so easily adaptable.. It sounds like the father is trying to do his best and see both his children?.. Be thankful as there's lots of people who would love the dad to want to be Involved.

Notsurprisedatall · 06/08/2018 15:37

He is her parent too, if she is napping in his time what is the issue? He has to take care of all her needs including napping, that she will grow out of. If the journey to drop off is 40 mins away she can sleep in the car.

You're being unreasonable.

Appleofmypie · 06/08/2018 15:59

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable in wanting a set scheduled contact time, but I agree with the pp - Let him have her Saturday afternoons when she’s miserable and tired. That’s part of being a parent too. He’ll have to cope with it.

My friend had a similar set up, one child in contact centre (not due to disability) and one child he had an informal arrangement with so he alternated weekends as the contact centre was unable to accommodate siblings.

Original poster

Jamielee444 · 06/08/2018 17:41

Thank you all
One of the difficulties is that father seems to be denying that there a a problem. DD contact is Saturday and the boy's moves on to full weekends. Massive issues RE boy and his care (SS, CAFCASS been heavily involved) father in denial of his special needs. So I feel like I need to know how we can prepare children for contact and what we need to prepare them for too

OP posts:

Original poster

Jamielee444 · 06/08/2018 17:46

The issue with the naps is that she will not go to her Dad and she definitely won't go if she's tired and cranky or just woken up. Father has agreed that this is the case. But you are right, we will just have to go with it.

OP posts:

Appleofmypie · 06/08/2018 17:58

I have an 18 month old so completely get what you mean about naps. But, I had to go into hospital for 2 days and he coped (dp, just about😂)

Can her dad not collect her from you so she naps in the car on the way to his house? That way you won’t see the fallout and he will have to come up with his own way of settling her.

She will adapt, and I know it’s difficult to think of your child distressed and not being there to comfort them.

But definitely don’t let him change times/days at short notice as it sets a precedent for the future. I’d get it in writing that he has her every Saturday afternoon at whatever time so that if it ever does go back to court in the future you can show you’re willing to compromise but to the benefit of your daughter.

MoggyP · 06/08/2018 18:05

I don't think arrangements which change on his say-so and are not fixed more than one week in advance are good enough. I think you might have to deal with interruptions to your DD's nap schedule if a different time has to be found. But it's not fair to give no predictability/stability for contact times.

If Sunday's need to be used, he will have to investigate altering his work pattern. Like thousands of other parents make changes and compromises in their DC's interests.

Flip

1 2