Feeling a bit upset over dad's will

[alanapartridge]

My dad didn't have much money to leave in his will. He sold his house before marrying my stepmother, who owns her own and is very comfortably off. Understandably, in her will, she has left everything to her two grown up sons. She and my dad I think spent most of the proceeds from his house on holidays, then she used his pension to pay the household bills, probably enabling her to save most of her own considerable monthly income. In his will, he has left a few thousand to my brother's two kids (I have none and am considerably worse off than my brother). The measly amount left after funeral expenses is to be split three ways between me,my brother and my stepmother. (I'll end up with less than he left the grandkids). Is it unreasonable for me to to be feeling a bit p'd off ? As a family we were all pretty close.

Im sorry for your loss.

As upsetting as it is YABaLittleBitU to be pissed off that you aren’t inheriting more money.
It was your dad’s money to do with as he pleased, he chose to spend most of his money while he was alive on holidays and enjoying his retirement, the small amount he had left he wanted to make sure his grandkids were taken care of and then anything left was to be shared equally.
It’s unfortunate that what is left won’t be very much but at the end of the day it is what your dad wanted.

Don’t dwell on how much you are not getting, just enjoy what you do get and spend whatever you get knowing your dad loved you.

If a SM posted that she and her husband were spending the proceeds of his house on holidays and her entire estate was going to her own children she’d be torn to shreds.

It’s also unusual for to leave more money to grandchildren than children and would have been fairer for him to split it between you and your brother and if he wanted to give his share to his DC then fine. Barring a severe disability or other mitigating factor I don’t think yours and your brother’s relative wealth is relevant.

I can see why you’re disappointed but I doubt there’s anything you can do as it was your dad’s choice. Yes no one is entitled to anyone else’s money etc but this isn’t really about money for you I don’t think, it’s about what you think it says about where your dad saw you in the pecking order and if that’s news to you then it’s understandable to be hurt

Thank you for your replies. It's just that I've had a really tough time over the years through no fault of my own and am in a dire financial situation, of which my family are aware. I'm just surprised that my stepmother is going to take a share of the small amount left over when she has absolutely no need to. Also, because my dad's unused inheritance tax allowance now passes to her, her children could now also benefit enormously because of this. I was happy for my dad and stepmother to enjoy his money, but what is going to be a nice little windfall for her and my nephews would have been a lifeline for me at the moment.

How sad and unfair for you. Can you say this to SM? Would she listen?

It happens. There isn't anything else you can do, unfortunately. Do let people know that DF didn't leave you anything much, quietly. Wills are big things and there's no point letting the jackpot winner think it's all ok when it isn't.

I haven't said anything to her yet. She would listen, but I know she'd still take the money. I'm just biding my time as I'm not in a good place at the moment and am afraid I might just go overboard and cause a family rift. I just feel a bit let down by my dad, although I know he loved me really.

Maybe when your dad wrote his will he had more money and was thinking that you would get much more? And then didn’t realise the implications of their pattern of spending would have on what he left for you vs SMIL.

I know it’s hard, it feels like a kick in the teeth at a difficult time, which makes it even worse.

Dh is currently experiencing something similar - except his dad wasn’t married to his partner (‘step mil’ for ease of talking about her) - she is refusing to give any info about the will at all to dh and his siblings; a couple of weeks before fil died she was trying to get dh to be an executor despite the fact that fil had had dementia for at least 3 years. One of dh’s Sisters had been told she was executor - trying to find out if she was, all the solicitor would say was that the will had been moved to another solicitors, they had nothing to do with it. Suspect SMIL had made new will, moved it to new solicitor naming herself as beneficiary despite fact fil had dementia so couldn’t change it. If he had made that will years ago when he was aware of what he was doing - upsetting but ok. The thought that SMIL is just taking his stuff despite not being married to him and against his wishes - a lot more upsetting!

Hope you manage to sort something out - maybe suggesting a deed of variation to split it more evenly given the amount left at time of death cs time of writing so expectations/intentions very different?

Will fraud is rife in England because the law in this area is so daft it's really easy to get away with quite hefty sums. With dementia, you have to prove 'undue influence' and 'lack of capacity' in hindsight with doctor's notes, etc., ie the impossible.

OP, if it cheers you any, a lot of people don't make or revise their wills properly because they can't face the idea they're dying. Your DF has let you down over something very important, but try to see it from his point of view.

Sorry to hear your dh is experiencing something similar. My dad had less money when he made the will and had saved a bit since he made it four years ago when he was in his mid eighties. I'm hoping this feeling will pass, I don't want to appear a grasping person like my SM, if my circumstances were different, I don't think it would have bothered me as much.

Rosablue - you'll never get any money out of your DF's GF, but you can call her on it, you know. Write a letter from all the potential beneficiaries (you & sibs) and copy it in to her bank, her solicitors and HMRC expressing your concerns. Send it recorded.

There's never much point fighting these things in court because the money runs out before you get there, and a lot of will fraud isn't a criminal offence (bizarrely) but you can make your point.

If the old solicitors won't tell you where she went, suggest to them you might need them for further action ie pay them, in which case I suspect they may remember pretty quickly.

If she still won't produce a will, get a copy yourself. You can do this by applying to the Probate Registry for a standing search and paying a small fee. This ensures you are sent a copy of the will if probate is granted any time within the next six months (or has already been granted within the last year). You can renew the search after six months if you wish.

Seems people don not realize when they re-marry the next of Kin is the new partner. Children from previous marriage can end up being pushed aside in favour of the new partner's children unless the will made before the marriage states otherwise.

Lesson that comes out of this is the importance of re-visiting a will when your circumstances change.

I would not bother trying to challenge a will and that could cost more than you were left in the will.

Any will you make becomes invalid when you marry or remarry.

To PP

Not correct other than any reference to former partners. The Decree Absolute makes that clear when people divorce.

In Italy you cannot disinherit your dcs. It seems a poor show here that if someone remarries their own dcs are immediately disinherited in the absence of a will to the contrary.

This happened with my aunt. She married a wealthy widower (whose wife had been dead four months...). He died unexpectedly a year later, leaving my aunt with several properties, his pension etc. His son, who was at university, got nothing. Absolutely nada. When my aunt died a few years later her feckless ds inherited millions which he pissed up the wall trying to forge a new career as a rock star (aged 40).

We all felt terribly sorry for the man's ds who never received 1p, nor any of his dm's possessions, which my aunt dished out to visitors.

Any will you make becomes invalid when you marry or remarry.

No, it doesn’t

Oh my, that's terrible ! The poor son !

Marriage does indeed revoke an existing will, unless the will explicitly states it is "made in contemplation of marriage".

I think your dad has behaved badly. It's beyond me how people prioritise partners over children. Nothing you can do really.