Divorce possibility - Advice Sought

[mumof2kiddos]

My husband of 21 years is planning for a divorce; he has not sought my thoughts on this, however I too am fed up.
I have a 17 yr old and 10 yr old; 2 properties, one of which is rented out. Both the properties in joint names. I am working at 26k and he is earning >100k. I pay the bills and he pays the mortgages for both the properties.
My question is can I halt the divorce proceedings and insist that ALL the finance HAS to be sorted before any divorce proceeding happens? Do I have to go through a solicitor (something which I can barely afford).

What do you mean all finances are sorted. Do you mean an agreement reached without legal representation?

I think this would be unwise, and you should seek legal advice on your entitlements. I would not trust a divorcing spouse to be fair. There are many things to consider, from child maintenance, to split of assets, to possible spousal maintenance, although this is rare and you work.

I really would seek legal advice and have a solicitor advice you.

To OP

My ex wife tried to block my petition in many ways, but all it did was to prolong the inevitable. The marriage certificate disappeared, court order for disclosure was ignored. End result was that almost 35% of family assets were consumed in legal fees over a period of almost 2 years. Money which ex could have had herself.

In your case you should seek advice as there are two properties involved, a 10 year old and a big difference in what you both earn.

As the stronger earner your husband can be asked to pay your legal costs. Might sound odd, but any assistance provided by your husband will be taken into account when settlement is agreed.

Decree absolute has to be applied for. So using a solicitor would enable you to block if finances have not been resolved.

Hope you can work it out between yourselves and avoid the Courts. If Courts do become involved the costs will sky rocket and there is the danger that Courts make an order that neither of like.

You don't have to go through a solicitor but sometimes the other spouse will pay - I paid mine and my husband's solicitors.
It is better if you can get at least some advice from a solicitor.

most would advise sort out the finances before the final bit - decree absolute - as said above which is what we did. We had no court hearings and using some background legal advice and solicitors to draw up the agreed financial clean break order dit the whole thing in 7 months including property transfers etc.

You cannot stop him charging ahead to a decree absolute but unless he also sorts out the finances then he also risks claims later down the line. I fyou both know what you earn, values of pensions and the property it may not be that hard to reach a fair agreement. You probably both have an opening position and then what you might be prepared to compromise over and then you need to negotiate. Look at all the assets and debts of both of you and look at your net after tax incomes and then look at who the children might live with and that kind of thing.

To Xenia

7 months! Well done. My ex dragged it for almost 2 years.

It helped that we had to tolerate livinv in the same house - we even stayed in the same bedroom - we always had single beds so not too bad; as we didn't want to announce it to anyone until it was just about done.

We both compromised financially ( I had to pay him a lot of money as I earn more and I could afford to buy him out of the house but not vice versa so there was no question of which of us would stay in the house and which move) and as he got nearly 60% of joint assets I think he did fairly well out of it. I got a clean break so no maintenance to pay him but I solely support our children.

So we were in the house and each time there was a letter from our solicitors - we could discuss it and try to reach agreements. Also we were helped by having only joint accounts on the whole and eachknowing 100% what the other had - I did both our tax returns and we both always opened each other's post etc so there were no secrets or form E or thigns to be discovered and we both had pensions of a similar amount (although I have since chosen to give mine to HMRC and to the older children for housing but that was my choice and I am happy with it)

To Xenia

Interesting that you lived in same house as Court would not issue the Decree Nisi whilst I was living at same address as ex. How did you get round that?

Thanks all, I am sorely disappointed that it had to be reached to this stage. We both love each other (at least he ALWAYS professes it) however there are some aspects of him which I absolutely loathe of and same way I know he hates some of my actions. However we both have justifications as to why we do what we do! So no one is in a mood to compromise. This has become a really stressful situation for all of us and it seems that divorce is the only way out

Missed, that's fascinating. May be the law changed since my divorce but I doubt it.

The addresses the court would have had for our contacts would be those of the two firms of solicitors we had instructed which we both engaged perhaps and also i thought there were lots of divorced people who split their house in two even if they cannot sell it. People do live together - I know one landed titled lady (not personally ) who lives in a flat a tthe massive mansion/estate she still manages for her ex husband and I think they still live on the same premises even years after the divorce.