Help!!! Mum has changed her mind 4 days before holiday

[maz1969]

Hello my 27 yr old son has a child arrangement order in place to see his 7 yr old son he was taking him on holiday to Blackpool on Monday for 5 days it's been booked a good month or so & we have prepaid all the attractions ... mum has now said he cannot go due to being cheeky lol our question is does he just still take him ?? It will be his only holiday this year as mum has 4 other children & can't afford to take them I've rang the police who said its highly unlikely that my son will get arrested for taking him? Tia

I would have him calmly message that it is unreasonable to use his contact time as punishment. He will only reluctantly postpone it if she reimburses all the cost of the holiday.

Hi we have tried all day to try to persuade her to let him go but she's not having any of it just argues

There is no way your son would get arrested for taking your grandson to Blackpool. There is no criminal offence involved.

Your son can do whatever he wants with your grandson while he is in his care. He does not need mum's permission. If he takes his son to Blackpool there is nothing she can do about it. If mum refuses to make your grandson available for court ordered contact that would be a breach of the order and your son could ask for enforcement action to be taken. The court would not accept that a 7-year old boy "being cheeky" is adequate reason to breach a court order.

Is she stopping him having the agreed contact with your son or saying that she forbids him to go to Blackpool but still have contact?

Thanks for the replies she just inboxed me this morning & said we have problems with Mr T (grandson) his attitude is terrible & me & Daniel (mum's bf) say he cannot go on holiday now. My son has had a child arrangement order for the past 2 yrs & took him on holiday last year I just think shes being to harsh taking his one and only holiday away & so near the date to! My son had decided to take him he's not missing out we will have to face the consequences when back

^ this exactly, will he be dropped off for contact anyway? What do you mean by "taking him"?

Obviously going around to his mother's house and breaking in and kidnapping him would be a totally ridiculous and unacceptable thing to do, he needs to work this out and co-parent.

I think your post makes the people in it far too identifiable OP and you should have it deleted by MNHQ.

I'm not a legal person but I would get your son to say that he fully supports some other consequence / punishment for the cheekiness but that this is unfair to him to use contact time as punishment as Pressuredrip said. Hope you get sorted and can enjoy Blackpool.

We are next due to have him on Monday we have him now as well mum said to my son this morning if you want him overnight just inbox me

No we would never kidnap him

I am quite confused. Why are the child's parents discussing contact arrangements through you the grandparent instead of directly with each other?

Is there a court arrangement in place?

Don't name real people in your post! It makes it way too identifiable.

Mum is ok with him coming today & like i said shesbhappy for him to stay overnight tonight but she won't let him go blackpool

There's a child arrangement order in place yes but it's through me & his mum to arrange as mum dont want anything to do with my son

It's not real names aliases

How will she stop Dad taking him to Blackpool though?

If there is a CAO in place then your son can choose where he takes his child other than out of the country which often needs notification or agreement.

Well there must be a reason for the communication issues and it is unfair for you to be caught in the middle.

I would say if your son is leaving parenting to you (which is how it sounds) then maybe in this instance you need to back the mother up and see the punishment through. You said "lol" after explaining the punishment was for being cheeky. A lippy 7 year old is an issue and maybe the mother needs assistance in disciplining him not undermining?

I can say for certain that any 7 year old who is aware of this situation will be able to exploit it to their full advantage!

I know its not the point of the thread but banning a seven year old from a holiday is a cruelly harsh punishment. It's completely out of proportion to anything he could have possibly done.

Back to the point of the thread. Mum can't really try to ban anything done during your son's contact time as a disciplinary measure. That's inappropriate. A line needs to be drawn in the sand on this.

I would say if your son is leaving parenting to you (which is how it sounds) then maybe in this instance you need to back the mother up and see the punishment through.
Absolutely not! Apart from anything else, she would have needed to discuss this with the father first, being as it so clearly affects him too. She has created her own mess by unilaterally imposing an OTT punishment with one with such ramifications for other people to boot.

I agree she needs help with disciplining, but that in terms of knowing how to set appropriate boundaries and proportionate consequences.

I can't help wondering if she has chosen the holiday as punishment for her own issues, perhaps jealousy that she can't afford her own holiday with the children?

It was arranged by my grandsons mum in court that mediation would be through me & my husband only because mum's then new bf not wanting her to talk to my son no my son has not left the parenting to us its just her wishes how its done yet i have to use messenger to contact her on her boyfriends messenger at that lol no phone number for her either just her bfs

Thestarsatnight you are spot on!!

I've just got a message hes allowed to go whoooop lol

If she breaches the order and he loses the holiday the court can order her to pay him compensation for the cost of the holiday.