Access to SW records

[Cherrygardenst]

Basically, I was removed from my mother as a baby, eventually placed with other family. This all happened before I can remember. Still had contact with mother. I was almost put up for adoption outside the family, apparently it was spoken about.

My whole life I've only ever heard bits and pieces and verbal remembered details from back then, from family. I'd rather like to see the records that were kept about me by social services, so I can understand what happened better. How do I go about this? I want to know everytning, not just what I know now. I want to see what they wrote about my mother, my attachment, the rest of my family.

Is this possible? How do I go about it?

How she can just block me like I mean nothing to her anyway just proves she was lying when she said she loved me.

I remember when I was in late primary school - her bf was arrested and went to prison, she went to refuge, got a new home. My grandparents fought tooth and nail to support her. Then the dumb bitch goes and invited her newly-realsed ex to the new house (when SS said he should not know the address!!) To fit her new carpets!! That was her chance. But nope, by that point she didn't want me anymore clearly. She threw everything back in our faces. She fucked up so badly. She's never properly explained why. I don't remember her ever hugging me or kissing me or telling me she lived me or tucking me in at night.

I've had therapy since 11. I'm 22 now and still on therapy and on meds. Nothing seems to work for me, there's so much unresolved anger and hurt and disappointment.

And how to resolve it when she's blocked all contact with me? Just so she can get on with her new life, go out clubbing and enjoying the life she lost. Just so she doesn't have to be reminded of her failure to protect.

Of course I blame step-dad too - I tracked him down on Facebook and told his brand new girlfriend (new baby and everything) all about what he did to my mum. She didn't even know about it.

Not hers

Like it or not, anything social services wrote about your mother is her personal information. Anything about an identifiable individual classes as their personal information. I understand why you are angry with her and why you think you should be able to see what social services wrote about her but it doesn't work like that. Personal information can only be disclosed to someone else without the data subject's consent in very limited circumstances - essentially where there is a legal obligation to disclose the data or where disclosure is necessary to protect the data subject's (i.e. your mother's) vital interests.

You need to concentrate on yourself OP, all this hatred your holding on to is understandable but not helping you at all. You were raised lovingly from what you say, just not by your birth mother.
Messaging the now partner of your step-father is not a reasonable act, it is nothing to do with her and as a new mum you've added a lot to her plate which doesn't involve her.
Messaging these people on facebook isn't helping you, come away from social media, request to change the type of therapy, 11 years of it doesn't seem to be improving your mental health. Make a start on loving you, and those who DID make the effort to raise you.

Messaging the now partner of your step-father is not a reasonable act, it is nothing to do with her and as a new mum you've added a lot to her plate which doesn't involve her.

How does it not involve her? She's bringing a new baby into a relationship with an abusive horrible man. Who doesn't deserve to know that?

I'd want to know if it were me, so I could leave him

I don't think that your SW records will resolve all your questions sadly. Your mother is her own entity and entitled to keep her information and past to herself, just as you are yours. She made dubious choices and those have had repercussions. Involving others now is not going to be constructive and makes it seem as if you are on a vendetta. Are you currently having counselling and if so would your counsellor support you through any emotions reading records will inevitably arouse. In your case perhaps a family placement was not for the best however well intended.

Cherry you sound so angry, and understandably so, because you were failed by those people who are meant to protect you. If you feel that you need more help can you speak to your therapist about how you're feeling, and that you'd like to access your notes and see what they say. It might not help you right now, and that would be awful.

You can also contact social services, as was explained up thread, and explain that you're looking to better understand your past, but it sounds like you might not find what you're seeking there.

Take care of yourself, and ask for help in real life if you're able.

I just don't understand how she can just act like I don't exist. Doesn't that just prove everything. I'm nothing to her, just something she can push aside and forget about because its too painful for her to realise what her choices have done to me emotionally/mentally. I'm crying now as I'm typing and it hurts, I just constantly feel like a little girl whose lost her mummy and wants her mummy and is crying out for her but she's not coming. I hate it it hurts so so much.

Thank you everyone, sorry for being so angry

Oh cherry of course it hurts, and it's understandable that you're angry. On a very deep level you've been let down. Could you speak to your counsellor today (move an appointment forward perhaps) or speak to samaritans if you're struggling and need someone to speak to today. It's ok to be sad

There is nothing worse Cherry, I understand completely.
To want to be loved and to deserve it but feel such rage at their ambivalence .

You deserved so much better and it isn't fair.

You now need to love yourself, think of the little girl you were and really love her.
I'm so sorry you are going through this.