Legal ramifications of telling absent bio-dad he has a ten year old daughter.

[loopylass13]

There was brief relationship that resulted in pregnancy, bio-dad notified during first trimester but did not hear back from him again. Bio-dad has since been traced, but wondered about the legal ramifications of telling absent bio-dad he now has a ten year old daughter? There is no evidence he ever knew. Couple were only on a first name basis.

What does the 10 year old child want?

She would like to met her father, but obviously a bit young to see the whole picture of opening a can of worms.

Logically the ramifications for the bio-dad are shock, possible anger or sense of loss, deciding whether to met and/or have a relationship with daughter. He might choose to be a parent, get legal/financial responsibility and have daughter every other weekend etc. There will be a massive period of adjustment. He might not even want to know. He could already have a family structure in place that he would wish not to disturb etc.

Thinking more about how it might have ramifications for the mum - whether a lack of evidence regarding notifying about pregnancy and the fact so many years have passed without her successfully finding bio-dad, whether this could be used against her? Could reaching out put residency at risk?

To do what is morally right for everyone in this situation, and do what is legally safe for the unit already established. Likely there are things not considered because never had to venture down this path before.

Reaching out will not risk the child being ordered to go and live with the father, nor will it have any significant bearing on contact proceedings.

Surely if bio dad was told in the first trimester he knows that he has a baby.

Personally I’d leave it. It could all go tits up, then you’ll be left regretting the peace you have now.

At 10 I wouldn’t go near it . I have an 11 year old who doesn’t see his dad though he saw him till he was 3. . She will have a fantasy dad in her mind now so it will never be what she wants . You are settling her up for something at an age when she is hormonal .

I would be giving her the information at 26 when she has finished gcse’s . Why did you go looking ?

No ramifications in law.

Personally, as your 10 year old daughter has asked to see her father, I could do nothing other than try and reach out to him and make that happen. If, when she's an adult, she finds out that you did nothing, how do you think she'd feel?

This is not a legal dilemma.

Personally I’d leave it. It could all go tits up, then you’ll be left regretting the peace you have now.

^This. Are you prepared to share your daughter if he then applies for visiting rights etc?

Are you prepared to share your daughter if he then applies for visiting rights etc?

It is, quite literally, what the daughter has asked for. It would be appalling were nothing to be done.

He can hardly claim to be shocked when he was told of the pregnancy!!

If the bio-Dad was notified in the first trimester, how can you say he doesn’t know? These statements contradict each other.

I think the daughter has the right to a relationship with her father, or at least the attempt at one

You say legal ramifications and then talk emotional. Which do you mean?

I’d wait until the child was at least 16, possibly 18.

If the dad was told of the pregnancy then of course there is evidence he knew there was going to be a baby.

If he chose not to follow the information up then that’s his problem, there is no come back or obligations on the mother.

It’s a hard one. Personally I would leave it as he sounds like a bit of a deadshit and there is a strong possibility this will blow up and cause the 10yo even more hurt. Meanwhile the 10yo can fantasise about her perfect dad. Then when she is older give her the details and if he is a deadshit she can see for herself and with age will be better equipped to deal with the disappointment. There is no right answer to this one though.

Suppose in this situation, it is difficult to remove emotion.

Bio-dad definitely knew of pregnancy however as so much time has passed, he could have assumed pregnancy did not continue (abortion etc).

Shared custody is a concern as an unfamiliar concept at this point.
Not sure if daughter wants on going relationship or whether she just to met to satisfy curiosity.

Shared custody simply means that the child spends time with both parents. It is not necessarily 50/50. There is no way the courts would suddenly order shared custody after 10 years of no contact. If the courts were involved at all (which would only happen if the parents cannot agree contact) they would start with a fairly low level of contact with a view to increasing it over time. Your child's wishes would be taken into account by the courts. In a few years time her wishes will be the main factor in determining what (if anything) the courts would order.

I'm with Collaborate. If this was my daughter I would do as she wishes.

Are you the mother op?

There is a right answer - the one Collaborate gave. The child is ASKING to see her father and she has an aboslute right to that, and the ramifications against the mother and the 'stepfather' may end up being unpleasant when the child eventually finds out they did nothing to make her request come to fruition.

Common sense says if the mother knows where the father is, that she should just suck up the potential issues, let him know he has a ten year old and that the child would like to meet him. He may refuse, he may not - no one knows until he's asked.

Thank you everyone for the responses thus far, deeply appreciated.

It can be viewed that children who know the truth about their parentage from the earliest possible age grow up more adjusted, than if the truth emerges later in life. The reason for persisting is simply to have the information to give to child, because origins count.

Yes but you know nothing about him . If you believe children are also not damaged by their parents you are nieve

What’s your position in this op? You’re writing about this in quite a detached way

The DD can't know how she will impacted though if he doesn't want to know. What will that do to her if he knows she exists and then he doesn't want to meet her or to have anything to do with her? Surely that would be surely be utterly devastating for any DC to have to hear, yet at only 10 she won't have the life experience or the forethought to make a clear decision beforehand about it. He didn't want to know 10 years ago, so it's quite likely he won't to know now. That's the bottom line. I'm inclined to think 'if it ain't broke', etc.

If the decision is made to initiate contact then I think the wisest thing would be for the DD to have some counselling sessions first to explore how it might go and how those outcomes might be for her.

I am the bio-mum in this situation - part of the reason for the style of writing is to be detached and less emotionally motivated, thus allowing for a wider perspective and scope than is currently available to me. Any decisions will not be rushed but rather take time and consideration, I was naïve but find myself these days to be quite cautious/wary/calculated in action as there is always an effect to whatever action taken (even in our non-action too).

I am give you my experience

Bio dad walked out when I was 18 months old, so no memory.

I asked my Mum at 10 whether I could see him. She took me.

I saw him, we wrote for a bit, it fizzled out

The fact my curiosity was satisfied meant I have never felt a whole in my life/don't feel the need to see him again/will never see him again

I feel very happy with my choice and am completely well adjusted.

Can give you

As someone who never knew their father, I agree with the pp - find him. If he's going to reject her better to do that now, before teenage angst hits, and while you're there to support her.