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Legal matters

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Mediation/court

11 replies

PippilottaLongstocking · 05/07/2018 14:36

My ex has recently decided he wants to change when he sees our son but we can’t come to an agreement (which is a whole other thread) so we’d agreed on mediation. He contacted a mediator and had a MIAM but it turned out they don’t accept legal aid, which I think I’m eligible for as I certainly can’t afford it otherwise. So I told his mediator, who should have told him, that I would find another mediator that does accept legal aid. I have done this but their soonest available appointment isn’t for a few weeks so I have an MIAM appointment booked but haven’t seen them yet. I came home from the school run this morning to find court papers had arrived, he’s applied to take me to court claiming I have refused mediation! Is there anything I can do about this? Obviously I’d prefer to sort it out through mediation but the court date is four days after my MIAM so it’s unlikely we’ll have sorted anything out by then.

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Melliegrantfirstlady · 05/07/2018 14:39

What contact is he proposing and have you withheld it in the meantime?

Be careful here as certain actions can really backfire

PippilottaLongstocking · 05/07/2018 15:47

mellie He has never been consistent with contact, sometimes not seeing DS for several months at a time, I have been trying to get him to stick to a routine but he hasn’t been happy about this. He wouldn’t tell me what he actually wants but now in these papers he says he wants 1-2 nights every weekend, which he has never asked me for before and has never been interested in taking DS overnight before. Currently he isn’t seeing DS as he has sent me some very unpleasant messages, I spoke to a solicitor who advised that he should only be having supervised contact as the messages implied he was planning to take DS away, he is refusing supervised contact (there is also a huge backstory involving abuse, drink and drugs, etc etc, none of which I reported at the time as he would make suicide threats) we’ve been separated since DS was 10 months, he’s now 6, but we’ve never had a court order in place.

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PippilottaLongstocking · 05/07/2018 15:49

I have now emailed the mediator that he originally spoke to who’s signed the paper saying I’ve refused mediation, asking why they are claiming this when I informed them, and they said they would inform him, that I wouldn’t be finding a different mediator.

I don’t want to contact ex myself as recent messages from him have been very upsetting.

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PippilottaLongstocking · 05/07/2018 15:49

WOULD be finding a different mediator I mean

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Collaborate · 05/07/2018 16:03

He has, technically, not done anything untoward. He shouldn't have to wait a number of weeks before a mediator can be found.

Still try and find your mediator. The court can adjourn a case off to mediation.

PippilottaLongstocking · 05/07/2018 16:18

collaborate the thing is I’ve already found a mediator, and I have an appointment, it’s just not til later in the month

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Melliegrantfirstlady · 05/07/2018 17:14

Well then he should still attend the mediator appointment. Keep any abusive texts to show the judge.

Tbh if someone did that to my kids for months at a time I wouldn’t let them go either.

Sadly he has used the final weapon. It could be the rope that he hangs himself with though. If contact was ordered and he still didn’t show then he will show his true colours by breaking the order

Collaborate · 05/07/2018 19:49

Well then he should still attend the mediator appointment.

Actually he doesn't. All he has to do is get his MIAM certificate (unless he falls under one of the exemptions).

PippilottaLongstocking · 05/07/2018 20:02

The thing that’s bothering me most is that he’s lying about me refusing to go to mediation!

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Mumteedum · 05/07/2018 20:59

Honestly? He sounds awful. Mediation agreements are not enforceable. Fair enough if you think there is a chance you can resolve this but do not be afraid to go to court either.

Write a bullet point list of your proposal and your reasons. Plus reasons why you wouldn't agree to his demands. Its good preparation for mediation or for court

PippilottaLongstocking · 06/07/2018 20:36

mumteedum he’s worse than awful! I’m feeling a bit better about it all now though, I’ve got a lot of family support luckily.

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