Abusive ex running away from own case for child arrangements

[tinkle20]

Hi There

I have been in a marriage where ex was abusing alcohol, hitting our toddler, self harming, suicide attempts, arrested by police for hitting our child, referred to anger management courses by NHS and lot more bad behaviour towards me and child.We divorced last year.

This year ex filed a case to to become main carer for our child. All above things came up in first hearing as CAFCASS did a great job of pulling NHS, police and SS records from both sides. Interim order was made for ex to have supervised contact only. A fact finding hearing date is fixed by court.

Realising that lies are not going to work with court and cafcass and that I had audio / video records of ex hitting child, audio recordings of prolonged mental abuse of child and videos of ex's self harm etc, ex is pulling out of the case with another lie that lack of finances is main reason.

If I end the case as is, I am very sure ex will come back to take me to court again and basically will keep harassing.

1. What should I do in this case and what are my options?
2. Is there an option for me to attend court to present my proofs for fact finding even though ex wont be turning up?
3. With above said abuse and still ongoing mental abuse of our child whenever ex sees him, what are my chances if I ask court to remove ex's parental rights?

Many thanks in advance.

The court can go ahead and make findings in his absence. Here's Keehan J doing just that a few weeks ago.

www.bailii.org/ew/cases/EWHC/Fam/2018/1590.html

Worth doing as inevitably if he tries again in a year or so, memories fade, evidence is lost etc.

You cannot apply to have his parental responsibility terminated because you were married. You can however ask the court to limit his PR by

A getting a live with order, so you can take the child overseas for holidays without his permission, and
B getting a specific issue/prohibited steps order limiting his exercise of PR.

You need to have told him you are seeking such orders or the court may not make them in his absence.

The court can restrain further applications using s91(14) Children Act but only if he has notice of your intention, and rarely after he has only made one application. It's quite a technical area and you really need proper legal advice on all of this, (even if you can't afford representation).

MrsBB has given you the legal answer.

I faced a similar situation a few years ago and I asked my solicitor would we happen if ExH just choose to opt out. He said 'Once child contact proceedings are started it is a rollercoaster and as such no one should get off till the end of the ride. Those who stay on for the whole ride always end up better off than those who get off half way round.'

@MrsBertBibby - Thank you for such a clear answer and a legal example as well.. I and our child are still being harassed and I am seeing this pulling out of case is just an attempt to keep harassing us. Continuing the case may put some restrictions on it and that seems to be main fear of my ex as harassing me is the mental food for ex.

@Lonecatwithkitten - Thanks for sharing your story and good analogy, I can definitely relate to it.

@tinkle20 have you taken steps to reduce contact such as limiting to a single email address and advising your Ex that you are only prepared to reasonably discuss the child and contact. The police can and will get involved with a visit to your Ex if he is exceeding what is reasonable. I am not saying this will stop it completely as they are very clever at phrasing the single email to be hurtful. My solicitor is very wise and told me 'this is all about control, whilst you allow it to upset you he has control. Only answer/acknowledge what is actually necessary. Ignore the rest'.
I know this is much easier said than done, but I have started to see through the tactics. Typically Ex will throw in the verbal grenade as we are going on holiday. Recognising that he is deliberately trying to upset me when I am going away helps as I realise what a very sad man he is.