This may be a bit long so sorry if it is.
I have 2 DC 1 is 6 other is 3. Stbexh is the father of the youngest and has been the father figure of the eldest since they were 1.
He was using my car, coming to my house and using my things here etc to see the children since we split in April.
On one of these occasions in May, I fell asleep and he proceeded to rape me. He has since stated this was an "accident" and that he thought I was "up for it as my trousers were undone and past my bum" (They weren't when I fell asleep. When I had awakened I told him to leave and then realised he put the children upstairs in their room with dinner telling them it was bedtime (eldest said) it was about 4:30.
Ever since that things have been strained, I've tried to keep things as normal as possible for the kids but it just got harder with his constant attempts to try and get back together, to have physical contact and justify why he did what he did.
Within a few weeks, he had a new girlfriend and I stupidly thought he would move on. On one occasion he went through my laptop whilst I was out, he's gone through my underwear drawer and sent me pictures of my underwear wrapped around his junk.
After this, I said set days where he took them out would be better for everyone to which he only agreed to if he could use my car, yet still he would come sit in my house to see them and only took them out occasionally.
It came to blows last week when he announced he wanted to put my eldest in a sport they would hate because he had been discussing it with his girlfriend of a few weeks and they thought it would be great for the children to bond? I obviously disagreed and voiced why to which he stated he wanted them in that sport because he wants to "kick the fairy" out of the eldest. (The eldest doesn't like things like football, rugby etc or getting dirty and that apparently makes him gay)
I disagreed and said I wouldn't put him in something he hates and that he really shouldn't be discussing the children and things with someone other than me at this point.
I told him there would be no more contact at my house and he needed to take them out, play with them etc and offered him the contact of a day with each child on their own as well as a day with them both and stated he could have an overnight that night as well if he wanted.
He said he would only do if i dropped them off and picked them up to which I said I would agree to if he paid petrol for the drops off and he refused. He also refused overnights due to living with his mother and although the girlfriend can stay over the boys cant as it's "not fair" somehow.
He decided he wouldn't see the boys now until he had his own car (he's been getting one since April but never done it) He can afford taxis but doesn't want to pay for them.
The children especially the eldest miss their dad which I can understand and preferably I want something drawn up that's legal. I was wondering;
- what type of contact he is likely to get and would I be made to every drop-off and pick up for it?
- Would his reason for no overnights be a valid reason
- is there somewhere I can report the rape without getting the police involved? I would obviously like it on record in case of going to court for contact and it is listed as the reason for our divorce which he doesn't dispute .
TIA