Should I reply to solicitor letter? Need advice!

[Felicityx01]

My ex has sent me two solicitor letters regarding contact to see his son before mediation, I have my first mediation in couple weeks but want to wait so we can communicate through a mediator as we do not get on, the solicitors keep giving me few days notice to reply, should I continue to ignore or reply back? Need advice!

Just email them back to say you are attending mediation in short order and therefore you don't wish to go through other channels.

Of course they may then go off and issue court proceedings regardless.

It depends. How old is your child. How long since he last saw his father. Is your child's father a threat to him ? If not a threat and not a breastfed baby (or a child with no memory who his father is )- then absolutely yes. It is a child's right to see their father. . Why would you NOT want your child to see his father. ?

Would you be OK not seeing your son for a couple of weeks while things are 'sorted through mediation'.

Specifics about regular contact going forward can be worked out in mediation or court if mediation doesn't work. In the meantime don't withhold your child from his other parent just because you can.

Is there a reason you want to withhold contact, other than not getting along with ex? Eg is he violent, abusive, doesn't know how to look after DC safely, DC a baby too young to be separated from you?

OP isn't asking for anyone's views about contact, just how to manage a father who won't wait for mediation and is using solicitors to try to jump her into a form of negotiation with which she is not comfortable.

And I can't blame her. However hard I try as a solicitor to deal gently and fairly with an unrepresented parent, there's no equality of arms there, and mediation is a much fairer and constructive forum because it gets the parents talking, not hiding behind lawyers.

Lawyers are there for the big stuff, when there's drugs or violence etc.

I think not seeing your child is big stuff, to be fair, but none of us know the reasons.

Just reply stating that you're attending mediation and don't wish to arrange contact prior to then. Solicitors will send any old shit that the client requests because they are being paid for it.

I'm temporarily withholding contact due to aggressive and volatile behaviour that took place in front of my son which I felt very scared and fear that if we see eachother before mediation that it will turn turmoil again and really dont want this in front of my son he's (6 months) I feel much better if we could sort this with a mediator as I feel it would be a more relaxed atmosphere to communicate and to arrange contact to resume, my first appointment is in couple of weeks and I keep getting the letters that he is keen for contact before, so should I reply by email anyone got a brief template to write back or continue to ignore?

I believe if you reply to the solicitor it will cost your ex money.

Literally a one liner : mediation is set for xday, and I am not willing to deal with issues outside mediation as I think the issues arising from Dad's behaviour really require proper discussion before contact can recommence"

Worst case scenario they go off and issue, which means a first hearing in 6-8 weeks time. He may just really want court anyway. Some guys just do, because they think It's easier than actually talking to mum.

Did you report his behaviour to anyone?

Solicitors will send any old shit that the client requests because they are being paid for it.

Harsh, but truer than it should be.

Just because someone writes to you, it doesn't mean you're obliged to answer

MrsBertBibby Thankyou for your reply, in the solicitor letter it said he's been in touch with a mediator and hopes to come to an agreement, I'm not sure if he would go down the court route as very expensive and he has limited funds, I really do want to sort this through mediation I just feel uncomfortable with the bombarding solicitor letters trying to force contact before mediation, surely it shows that I'm willing to sort this out as I'm attending mediation, and yes i reported it to the police after the Incident and they have logged it on there system, i just worry and feel scared to have him come to my door before mediation I fear it will cause big arguments

Just tell them, and stick to your guns. 2 weeks will soon be gone.

It'll be costing him around £25 quid each time they write.

I can understand you wanting to wait, so I would just email the solicitors to say you are waiting for the mediation and they will then know to back off for two weeks.

I know you don't want to have contact with your ex, but could you arrange him contact via someone else? What about dropping your DC to a family member for your ex to then pick him up from? That way he can see his son, which is fair, but you are not in the situation of having to see him.

Have you taken advise from Womens aid?

I really think they would be well placed to advise in this situation. He's been volatile and aggressive, police are already involved, and they have lots of experience of the best ways to ensure contact that is safe for you and your child.

At six months he won't be wondering where his daddy is if he doesn't see him for two weeks but he may be upset and confused if there is a scene in front of him. Based on what you've said about your ex, it sounds like a firm agreement reached in mediation and signed off by the courts, and then you enforcing your boundaries if he moves away from it, would be the best way forward but WA will have seen a lot of this and if they're not supporting you already I think it's worth asking for advice.