Cannot gain access to our personal belongings for a month

[AbstractVoyage]

I hope you can provide some help.

I would like to ask if a family member can detain personal belongings with only the explanation of being 'very busy'.
There is quite a backstory to this but I will try to keep it simple and provide a snapshot of what is happening now.

My parents have emailed us to say that there has been a leak in their attic. They have said that amongst all the items that have been brought down are some of our personal belongings.

We had thought that we had retrieved everything a couple of years ago when they emailed us telling us that they wanted to 'get rid' of our belongings however but it seems that we hadn't retrieved everything. It was very disorganised and they had always said that they didn't want it tidied for them.

They have said that other people have got the boxes down for them and will be going through it. I believe that our belongings comprise of books, clothes and papers, possibly letters of sentimental value.

Despite giving them plenty of notice that we wanted to visit last weekend to retrieve these items, they have said that they are busy, without explanation.

In their initial email they said that mid-July was the earliest that we could retrieve them. Unfortunately we can't do July at all. They replied that it will have to be August in that case. It is stressful to imagine that other people will be going through our personal possessions and feels rather as though they are taunting us with it.

The exact date of the leak that apparently affected both floors of the house to the extent that the sitting room has had to be redecorated, is unspecified other than being 'some months ago'. They would have been aware that some our belongings might potentially have been with there too. Instead, they have delayed the communication which happens to coincide with the run up to my partner's birthday.

As you can probably gather, we have a strained relationship with my parents due to their past actions. All correspondence has been kept to email since a disagreement a couple of years ago when we stayed with them, paying them for use of an unused bedroom and bathroom and buying them food twice a week . Their behaviour at the time proved extremely challenging with obstructions and false accusations. In fact, the last time, we retrieved what we thought were all our belongings, we were sent an email asking us if we knew where two items that we would have no need for, had disappeared to...

So, if you have got this far in reading (thanks!) and do any solicitors know if a parent/past landlord can withhold personal belongings without explanation?

In the past, we have driven there at their request to retrieve many items from the attic for them at short notice, so without explanation it seems unreasonable.

Any advice would be super helpful

Grasslands, that's quite a hostile, assumptive reply.

We do know well what's in the boxes. We offered to email them an inventory which has gone without response. They have imposed a deadline of July before they dispose of our belongings. Whilst we stayed with them I paid them for our accommodation. During which time I helped them secure more income, worked on something for them that also procured them further income and gave a great deal of emotional support.

How can you report anything stolen if you don’t know what’s in the boxes.
Honestly if your relationship is this dysfunctional, why bother?
Since neither of you realized the boxes were up there I don’t see how this accidental storage could be viewed as a landlord type issue or breach of any fashion.

Well OP, good luck. It sounds more and more challenging with each of your replies.

If I were you I'd cut all contact, consider those items gone already, and detach from the hold they have over you. Just don't engage. If they get rid of them - fine. If they still have them in August - fine.

In short, fuck 'em. Things are just things, don't let this become bigger than it should be, regardless of sentiment.

But if you know which boxes are yours why can't you send a willing friend to cover the date you can't do?

'How can you report anything stolen if you don’t know what’s in the boxes.'

As I have said, Grasslands, we have offered to email them an inventory. When we look at the items, we will see if anything has been damaged/stolen or is missing. They were well aware that there was no way that we could check the whole attic as it was impossible to get to! We did the best we could.

Yes, sadly the relationship is dysfunctional, it has worsened considerably over the past ten years. I was blamed for having a miscarriage by my mother along with many other terrible accusations that can be proved to be untrue with email documentation.

NikyNacky, it's the threat that they will dispose of our belongings by July in their initial email that has concerned us. Making arrangements with them is not an easy task.

Just go round and if they're in then get your stuff?

Just seen you said they would report you. To answer your Q no, you don't really have a leg to stand on. Unless you have proof that all of the things are yours and even then leaving them behind willingly stops you having any legal force. Sorry

LemonySnicket, thanks for your reply.

I think I will need to speak to a solicitor first before dismissing the items. I have photographs in which I'm wearing those clothes. The letters have my signature on them. Sadly, the situation (and I can't give the whole background of what appears to be malignant narcissism) has gone way too far.

They are keen to portray themselves as landlords rather than parents and yet landlords don't have their tenants rendering free services to them. I'm not just talking about the normal actions that a daughter would be expected to do such as cooking, cleaning, afternoon teas, hotel stays, theatre trips etc. there's a lot more that I have done for them, including lending them money, never imagining that this would be outcome.

The Interference with Goods Act 1977 concerns detained chattels (personal belongings). Most landlords despair because their previous tenant delays in collecting belongings, not the opposite.

You spear hung up on legalities. This isn’t really a legal issue - it’s a domestic one.

You cannot be controlled if you refuse to engage. Whatever is in the boxes you haven’t moved or chased up in a long time. So consider them ‘lost’. Unless you’re talking thousands of pounds in possessions, a solicitor is just a waste of time, money and an extra emotional investment in something that you should let go.

This is ridiculous.

You have a dysfunctional relationship with your parents. You left those items there voluntarily and you've lived without them this long. You don't really have a legal leg to stand on and unless those boxes are literally full of gold bars, there's no way going down the legal route will be financially or emotionally worth it. They didn't steal the stuff from you. You left it there voluntarily. They're under no obligation to let you in any time you feel like going to retrieve it.

Write the stuff off, stop contacting your parents, and see a counsellor. This is a really weird and effed-up way to resolve a basic family dispute.

My Mother and other members of the family went NC years ago, I was the last to give up on her two siblings went NC years before me. There are family photos I would dearly love to have but 11 years of peace is worth a lot. I thought meanly once, when she dies we will be informed and I can go and get them. None of us want anything else from her.

Let go of those things and stop letting them have a hold over you. I really, really don't understand why you even want to put yourself through all this.

Also, I've got to wonder what the whole picture is - everything you've done for them is about the money you've spent on them/your generosity.

Whilst your parents sound cold and dysfunctional, you OP are not coming across a whole lot better. T really sounds as though you are both as bad as one another. Your parent side of this sorry tale would be interesting to hear.

As I understand it ;

You have left stuff at your parents for years. 2-3yrs ago you moved that stuff but left some behind by accident.
You were t aware of this. Until a water leak at your parents.
You hadn't missed these things or in fact even known they were missing - however are now 'of high sentimental value' ?
You don't actually know what these 'things' are. !
You wanted to go last weekend but they were busy.
They have said 'mid july'.
You have refused the WHOLE of July.
They have now offered August.
Your response is to look at legal action !

Sorry to say but the one looking decidedly strange and difficult here is not your parents.

It’s stuff. You’ve lived without it.
Personally I don’t see the value of something (unless financial) that you’ve not seen and used. You and your parents sound the same. Bothered about the small stuff in life. It’s a big world out there.

I don't understand why you left stuff with them in the first place if you don't get on with them. Just go when they say you can go and stop tying yourself up in knots about it.

How can yous end them an inventory if you're not sure what's in the boxes.

If it's as fraught as you say, could you not arrange for a courier company or man with a van to collect the boxes for you?

The law won't help you here; under these circumstances. Your parents will have a valid and obvious defence in that they provided you notice and access to remove your goods and you didn't take them all; so they presumed what was left was for them or abandoned.

You will need to find a way to arrange a mutually convenient date or come to terms with not having the items.

Whatever the date in July they suggest can you just agree and send a courier to collect for you? That would save having to see them, cancel a holiday or become involved again?

The problem with trying to find a legal route to solve this issue is that the legal route is always, incredibly expensive and time consuming. Solicitors are expensive. Given the history do you think a letter from a lawyer will compel your parents to hand over your belongings in your time frame? From what you've said so far, I'd suggest not.

Do you think your parents have held on to a couple of boxes on purpose? Are they using this as a hold over you? Just agree to collect when they say. If anything's missing, unless we are talking £100k worth of stuff, you will not be financially or emotionally better off by involving lawyers.

You really need to move on from what ever toxicity you have with your parents. I understand the injustice you are feeling, but it will get you no where.